


What to do When Some Weird Albino Thinks Your the Devil (AKA: How to Find Love When You're Taken Hostage by a Clan of Backwater Hicks)

by grandpahasNOrights



Category: House of 1000 Corpses (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, M/M, my canon now babeeey, not really angst angst but itll get dicey folks!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 41,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandpahasNOrights/pseuds/grandpahasNOrights
Summary: James was on the run.When wasn't he anymore?Running is hard when your car finally bites it on the side of some back road in buttf/ck Texas. It's fine, probably.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a rewrite of a fic i wrote like 6 months ago while high as fuck on pain killers after a surgery. deadass i wrote like 30 pages of absolute nonsense in like 2 days and sent it to all my friends and here i am, months later, on house arrested cause miss ronas got her fingers up the butt of literally every1 on da planet. i have nothing better 2 do now than rewrite this absolute trashfire of a monster and make it semi-decent to read. you know what the french say... sess mommy or whatver

The room around James reeked like roadkill.

All around him were the scattered remains of god knows how many people; to his left, some sort of giblet that had larvae squirming along the surface. To his right was a knapsack fashioned out of leather, discolored and with an odd sort of smell. Behind him were bones- he couldn’t tell what kinds of bones, or how many, he just knew they were there due to the infrequent crunch and crack his captor made as he circled behind him.

The albino jerked him around again, pale hand cupping his chin as he inspected him like a purebred dog fresh from the puppy mill. This had been all he’d done for what had to be 15 minutes by his guess; one minute he was ranting about capitalism or some anarchist babble and the next he’d stopped, eyes wide and grin beaming as he’d run out of the room. 

“-Sure as fuckin’ shit! After weeks- no, MONTHS of nothing! Dry spell you wouldn’t believe!” His sudden shouting had made James wince, and he watched as he motioned in a frantic mania. “The fuckin’ filth that ol’ greasepaint covered turd sends to us! Ain’t nothin’ but nothin’!” He sounded… sad? His face had warped into a frown, and James could swear he saw tears prick the edge of his eyes. With an almost cartoonish sniffle he moved again, sadness replaced with the same fervor he’d had when coming back into the room. In a quick motion he’d grabbed the ripped front of James shirt, hole-ridden and ripped from the last day or so of chaos, and ripped it own the middle.

“What the fuck are you doing!” James screeched, thrashing wildly as his captor hooted above him. He knew he was fucked before this, obviously, but he’d assumed they wouldn’t have to find out about this part until after he’d lost his head.

“SURE AS SHIT!” He repeated, voice a nasally screech as he pumped his fist in the air with triumph. “Sure as hell! I prayed, and I prayed for somethin’ to come! A sign- a sign from Him!”

“T- The clown?” James asked with confusion. The albino’s expression soured as he looked back, equally confused.

“T- Cutter? N- No, no! No you fuckin’ idiot! The devil himself! Satan! Lucifer! The patron of this fine household!”

“Satan.” James voice was flat as he watched the stringy haired freak in front of his rave with a manic glee.

“Sataaaan!” He almost sang. “I asked- no, I BEGGED the big man to send me a sign! Somethin’ to reaffirm there was a reason! A purpose! To all this here! It’s been so fuckin’ dull with the same ol’ preppy college kids, locals who get brave, the drifters with there fuckin’ goody too shoes ass roadtrips… Makes me sick. Sick!” To punctuate that last bit he shot a wad of phlegm to the ground. 

“And you! You! Brought you back after your car broke down, didn’t have to shoot out your tires or nothin’! No need! Just waltzed on up and asked for help organically! What a fuckin’ miracle!”

“This is a miracle.” James agreed sarcastically, causing his captor to chuckle. 

“Sure is. You’re lucky I got to call the shots- Rj thought you was a cop or somethin’ tryin’ to sniff your snout where it shouldn’t go.”

“Who-”

“Brother of mine.” The question was finished before he could even ask. “Big caveman lookin’ idiot in the flannel. Always paranoid, fuckin’ unbelievin’ sack of  _ shit _ . But enough about him; the family can wait. Let’s talk about you! You!” 

“Me.” James nodded.

“You! You got them scars on your chest!” 

Aaaand there it was. James felt his stomach sink again as he nodded, slowly. His eyes locked onto the man as he paced in front of him, smirking and making a sort of snort-laugh under his breath. 

“I got into a weird accident when I was a kid-”

“BULLSHIT. You had tits!” He exclaimed, miming boobs on his chest as he motioned awkwardly in front of James. “Big ol’ knockers by the looks of them scars! Shoot, thing’s goin’ round your entire chest basically!” James winced as he felt a finger trace the raised pink lines on his chest, stopping right at the edge under his armpit. The greaseball let out a whistle as he patted him on the ribs. 

“You’re a man… but you had tits. What a fuckin’ contradiction that is, huh?” James swallowed again as he waited for what was coming next. “You know what that means, right?” 

James shut his eyes as he heard him move towards his chair, wheeling him somewhere- he felt a curtain slap him in the face as he excitedly scooted him towards whatever it was they were approaching. With a jolt they stopped; James felt the man run in front of him, heard something rattling as he searched for something.

“There- Fuck-” The albino shot. James heard something clatter to the ground. “Open your FUCKING eye’s, kid!” 

James hesitated. Slowly, one eye cracked open. In front of him, the ghoul had a long, rolled out poster of some large, black looking… goat? With wings, some kind of scepter in his hands…

“Tits?” James asked incredulously.

“BAPHOMET! The sabbatical goat! The black goat! He’s got a whole lotta names, and brother, one of them might as well be James!” He ran back to the chair James was strapped to and shook it. “You listen to me, you listen good- you’re gonna be stayin’ here as long as it takes. Long as it FUCKIN’ takes until the miracle happens! You’re our new good luck token, boy!” He moved, grabbing a knife- stained with brown and smelling like iron. He started to hack at the bindings, rope falling to the floor with soft plops as his ragged breath exposed his excitement.

“Don’t get any ideas in your fuckin’ head that I’m lettin’ you free.” He warned, jabbing a boney finger into James’s chest. James nodded, and he watched as a smile broken and his yellowed teeth beamed. 

“Good. Now you just stay in this room, stay wherever you want in it, but STAY IN THIS ROOM.”

His hand found James’s cheek and squeezed it good heartedly. With that he rose, backing away without breaking eye contact before exiting with a loud slam of the door.

Hours had passed as he waited for him to come back. It was eating at him; realistically speaking, James knew he had to run. He had to get out of here somehow, had to  _ think  _ of a way out. But like a dog he obeyed the order the pale lanky dickwad had given him. He didn’t even leave his seat till the sky started to darken. Once he’d noticed this he moved, cautiously, towards the main area of the room. His legs were wobbly from hours of sitting- was it days by now? He couldn’t really remember. The entire last…. Stretch of time, he concluded, was starting to blur together. He felt weak. He felt light headed. He managed to limp his way to the other side of the room; to a bed, sheets ruffled and blanket almost on the floor. With an almost comical, very dramatic sway he collapsed onto it. Sleep overtook him as the last rays of light left the room and night fell.


	2. ah shit theres more of them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> great now theres two of them

The room had noise. 

Something was playing on the radio. James blinked, trying to get the sleep out of his system. On a second reflection he realized “playing” was a bit of an understatement- the room was almost shaking with the sound of the music. He squinted up at the window; it was still dark. The albino didn’t seem like the type for music- who would-

“You don’t look all that special to me!” 

James didn’t even have time to think before he felt a prodding on his back. A hand rolled him over as he came face to face with a woman looming above him- a good head or so bigger than he was, her blonde hair getting into his face as she leaned in to inspect.

“Where’s your titties?” She asked with a huff, prodding his chest as she plopped onto the bed next to him. “Otis said you had tits!”

“I had them at one point, ya. But I got em’ removed.” The woman gasped.

“Removed!? Why would you remove your boobs!” 

“...Because I’m a guy? I’m not supposed to have them.” She stared at him, face completely stoic before she started to giggle and nod. 

“Ya! I guess so! There’s this guy down at the liquor store though, got some boobs on him but it’s cause’ he's fat! Were you in a freakshow before you came here? Daddy always said he’d seen somethings like you at a freakshow before, bearded ladies and people with both parts an-”

“I’m not from a freakshow.” James replied with a huff. The woman took a few scoots back, tilting her head.

“Oh, I’m sorry…. Dad’s just got a bunch of stuff he’d find from those and he’d said…. “ She trailed off. “So like, how did you get like that? You got an extra chromosome or somethin’?” James tensed. He watched her eyes narrow as she waited on a response. He would normally be scared shitless at this point, but honest to god he was just fed up.

“I was born with em’.” He finally grunted. The woman gasped.

“What? Really?” She exclaimed. “That’s craaaazy!” 

“You’re crazy.” James spat back. The woman stopped again, staring him down with an intense look that finally made him come back to the reality of the situation. He felt his throat catch as he waited. 

With a fit of giggles the woman grabbed his arm and pulled him from the bed. James stumbled awkwardly as she pulled him towards the door.

“No, I’m Baby!” She corrected, turning the knob and leading him towards a hallway. James grabbed the frame as tugged him the opposite direction, turning back towards him in confusion. 

“That one guy told me not to leave his room.”

“Otis? That big grumpy ass can get the stick outta his ass and share his shit!” She whined. “Long as your with me he can’t do diddly squat to you buddy! Now come on!” 

Baby’s next tug almost sent him to the floor. She hummed as she dragged James further down the hall, stopping when she got to a door decorated in a bunch of scrap. It looked like cutouts from movie posters; clippings from newspapers and even books that looked interesting enough. In big, mismatched letters the door was stamped with her name; Baby. Truly, her door looked like a gaudy, patchy looking ransom note. 

And James  _ loved  _ it. Passively, he thought it was bad that he loved it; after all, he should be trying to escape still. But kitsch was kitsch. 

“So how big were your boobs?” She asked, shoving the door open and leading him towards a poster bed in the center of the room. She plopped him down on it while she turned towards a closet to his right. As Baby rummaged through hangers, James couldn’t help but notice a limp, almost purple looking hand sticking out from amongst the clutter. The closets other door shielded the rest of whatever was left from view.

“Double D’s.” He said flatly. She stopped, turning towards him with another gasp. 

“Really?” She seemed intrigued. “They got all that off you? Did you get a surgery for it?”

“Yeah.” James nodded. Baby tossed some shirts onto the bed before she turned her back to him again. Baby made an excited squeal as she grabbed a white tank top, jumping up and down as she started to shimmy out of the t shirt she had on.

“I- uh, I’m not lookin’, don’t worry-”

“Oh I don’t care if you look!” Baby snorted. “You’re gay! The fuck are you gonna do huh?” 

“I’m not-”

“Honey.” Baby stopped him with another stare. James swallowed awkwardly as he fidgeted. Without changing her expression she reached for the two things she’d thrown to the bed. “Which is better with this top.”

This had to be a joke; in one hand, she had a pair of cut offs, like Daisy Duke would wear on that Dukes of Hazzard show. They were cut so low that he was sure her ass would be showing. In the other was a basic pair of black jeans.

“Obviously the shorts.” Baby smirked. “What?”

“Gay!” She cheered. “Gaaaay! You like men!” James looked away awkwardly.

“Aw, come on buddy…” Baby cooed, moving towards the bed and wrapping an arm around James. “It’s ok! Otis likes guys too- So does Rufus! Hell, me and my Mama both like women-”

“For real?”

“Well, ya? Ain’t it always like that?”

James slowly shook his head no. It almost seemed like a trap; a rhetorical question that he’d get mocked for. But Baby reeled, looking at him in shock.

“It ain’t?” 

“No? I thought- I thought I was the only one who like…. Liked the same thing like that?” Baby shook her head.

“Now I ain’t never seen someone go from one to the other like you have- least in person, there was this movie on a bit back called like… Glenda and Glen or somethin’ like that? Where this guy- or girl, scuse me- she went from a guy to a girl I think? But I never thought I could see that for real!”

James nodded, cautiously. 

“It’s cool!” She clarified. “Like.. how do you have a beard?”

“I take hormones.” She looked confused. “Like.. Testosterone.”

“How?”

“I give myself a shot.”

“Ooooh!” Baby slapped her forehead like she’d just been told something simple for the first time. “So THAT’S what all those lil’ bottle things in your car were? Do you still need em’? Cause’ Rj was wantin’ to junk it soon and since we’re like, keepin’ you-”

“YES-” James blurted out, covering his mouth immediately after as he reeled himself in from his outburst. Baby looked at him wide eyed. “I- uh, yeah. I need those. They’re kinda important.”

“Ok!” Baby nodded her head with a sort of off putting intensity. “We can go and tell em’-”

The door to her room swung open with a clang. They both looked towards it; James almost fell off the bed as Otis practically ran into the room. He looked livid.

“YOU!” He roared, grabbing James by the shoulder and shaking him. “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT LEAVING THE ROOM-”

“OTIS!” Baby shrieked, rising from the bed and shoving him away from James. “I TOLD EM’ TO LEAVE WITH ME! BEEN WITH ME THE WHOLE DAMN TIME SINCE YOU WANNA BE ALL RUDE AN’ JUST LEAVE EM’.”

“I had BUSINESS to attend to Baby!” He snapped back. “The fuck is your fuckin’ problem, anyway? Yellin’ at me like that!” 

“He’s been stuck in your musty, stinky fuckin’ room all night! Didn’t even feed em’ or nothin’!”

“I was just getting to that!” Otis huffed, turning towards James and squatting a bit so that he was eye level with him. He stretched an arm out and offered him something wrapped in plastic. “Here you go.” 

It was a twinkie.

“The fuck kinda meal is that!” Baby yelled. “And look at him! You got him in a ripped shirt! Ain’t even got good clothes or nothin’!” 

“Well, he’s bigger than me! Ain’t gonna fit in none of mine, none of yours-”

“Then get some from RJ you fuckin’ dummie!” She stomped her foot and crossed her arms. Otis shifted awkwardly.

“W- why don’t you go and ask him. He’s gonna get all huffy with me- you know how his attitude is.”

“And you want me to get all that shit instead of you? How’s that fair!” 

“Well- fuck, I dunno Baby- he don’t get as mad at you and I don’t want him in a sour mood or nothin’ for dinner.”

“Well none of us are gonna eat nothin’ till he get a goddamned shirt on!”

“You got that right Baby.”

The siblings jumped as another figure loomed dramatically in the doorway. James watched as another woman- older, in a sheer, fluffy robe tied around her body, hair done up with enough hairspray to punch a hole right through the ozone. She was, unmistakably, their mom.

“Mama!” Both of them started at once. She put a manicured hand up to stop them both. 

“Otis.” She started, looking towards James on the bed. “When you told me you was gonna keep this one, I told you you had to look after him.”

“But Mama- I am lookin’ after him!” He exclaimed. “I brought him food-”

“-He brought him a twinkie!” Baby hissed, pointing towards the wrapper James still had in his hand. This brought Mama’s attention directly to him, and James winced as she raised an eyebrow. She took in everything- his torn shirt, the twinkie, his scars, everything. 

“Oh you poor little thing…” She cooed as she made her way to the bed. “My kids can be so cruel, just leavin’ you here like this! As a valued guest in this house too! Both of them should be ashamed of themselves!” She moved away from checking him over for a moment to shoot a glare their way.

“I didn’t raise them like this. This ain’t from me! That’s her daddy actin’ up in here, man’s got the manners of a fuckin’ circus monkey I swear- Baby! Go and get an extra shirt from Rufus! And you-” She turned, jabbing a finger into Otis’s chest. James watched him take a step back and gulp. “You ain’t gettin’ him in your room till’ you learn how to take care of him! He’s stayin’ with Baby tonight.”

“But Mama-”

James could faintly hear a cheer echo from down the hall.

“I don’t wanna hear none about this!” She scolded, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him towards the door. “Now you go and get your grandpa for dinner! I’ll be down when we get this fine young man presentable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if you cant tell i really dont like rejects/3fh bc i feel like they really change how the characters in house are. i dont hate those movies i guess my issue is that house is so different tonally and rejects just ruins literally everything about it in like... the opening scene lol
> 
> so a lot of my fic is going to focus on like. fixing that and keeping the characters more in line with how they are in house if that makes sense? as in like... otis isnt some necrophilliac rapist and is just a weird art school dropout who makes corpse sculptures and has bad facial hair and loves his family. baby is still baby. mama is a southern mom who could kill god with a glare. grandpa. tiny is big. 
> 
> anyway i hope every1 likes this so far please remember to like n subscribe if you wanna see more videos like this one peace out youtube


	3. no one taught anyone table manners be fucking nice oh my god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people are fucking rude like seriously your mom didnt raise you like this

“Now just remember what I told you hun.” Mama cautioned as she led James down the stairs. They had gotten him a faded, ratty looking t-shirt that said “Don’t Mess With Texas!” across the chest. It was a little baggy; Mama had excused this with a simple “Well our Rufus is a big boy!” and James didn’t question it. He nodded as she threw a look back towards him. “I don’t mind you stayin’ here none, since you’re important to the kids and all… But I get one word of you tryin’ to run away or bringin’ any unwanted trouble into my house I’ll kill you myself!” Her tone was still the same motherly one she’d had before, but the venom was practically dripping off every syllable. James could only nod again, only realizing she couldn’t see his head move as they got to the bottom step.

“I understand, ma’am.” James croaked, turning the corner as she did and coming face to face with the dining room. The light was low, lit by candles shoved awkwardly into old glass jugs and bottles. At the end of the table sat Otis, glaring down at Baby as she was going off about something related to clowns. There were three others he didn’t recognize.

“Well don’t just stand there! Go and make yourself at home!” She cooed, shoving him towards the table. Everyone’s gaze fell on him as he stumbled towards the rest of the group awkwardly. Baby instantly sat upright, waving to him as if he were on the other side of a football field and not a mere yard or two away.

“James! James- sit next to me!” She begged, patting the seat next to hers. Conveniently, it was also next to Otis. He had to wonder if Mama had set the table this way intentionally.

“Boy can’t really sit anywhere else less he wants to plop his ass on one of the fuckin’ candles!” An old man barked from beside Mama. She huffed, rolling her eyes as she faced the man.

“Grandpa, watch your mouth! We are at the table! With a guest!”

“Yeah? Well he’s formally invited to lick my fuckin’ asshole! Sit down so we can all eat! Look like a deer in fuckin’ headlights.”

The seat was comfortable enough he guessed. As he reached for his plate Baby snatched it out of his hands, leaning over the table and loading whatever she could on it. He watched as bits and pieces fell off the plate and onto the table, staining a tablecloth that seemed like it hadn’t been washed in years.

James’s eyes flickered between the other people at the table. He settled on a looming figure in a mask, leaning at an angle as he picked at the food slopped awkwardly on his plate. His skin was bubbled, warped horrifically and scared from god knows what. James felt a twinge in his gut; of panic or pity he didn’t quite know. The figure noticed his stares and brought a hand to his face, fiddling with his mask a bit.

“Now that’s my youngest son Tiny.” Mama cooed from her end of the table. “Don’t you mind his face now- he’s just a big softie. Lil’ nervous around newcomers. He can’t hear much but he can read lips just fine.”

The man’s hands dropped to his lap and when they surfaced again there was a small chalkboard in his hands. James could hear the dry sound of chalk scraping on the surface.

“Hi James.”

Tiny punctuated this with a quick wave. James smiled and waved back. Baby was finishing his plate, scooping a load of meat onto the last free corner before plopping it down back in front of him.

“Can you leave some for the rest of us?” The man across from him snapped. James looked up at him and did a doubletake- he was fucking huge. His long hair was tied back. He wore a flannel that was unbuttoned, the sleeves ripped off and-

“The fuck you starin’ at?” James looked up from his chest and met his eyes- oh god, he looked pissed. 

“Uh, nothing.” He lied, staring back down as his plate was plopped in front of him. He heard him grunt as he grabbed at the plate of meat directly in front of James. His hand brushed his arm and James jumped. Another glare as the man’s nostrils flared.

“Rufus, will you knock it off!” Baby whined. “Got a new friend I get to play with and you go and be all rude towards him!”

“He’s the rude one.” Rufus’s voice was blunt. “Fuckin’ starin’ at me like I got another eye or somethin’.”

“I uh- I wanted to uh- T- thank you for the shirt. Until I can go out and get my own stuff t- tomorrow and stuff.” James mumbled, watching the man fork a big slab of meat and shove it into his mouth. 

“You get any stains on it I’ll stain it with your fuckin’ brainmatter.” He growled. Mama made an angry sort of squawk. With a quick motion she slapped the side of his ribs with a wooden spoon she’d taken from the potatoes. “Ow- Fuck!”

“WHAT PART OF BE NICE DO YOU NOT GET.” She barked. “KNOCK THAT OFF NOW.” 

James could hear Otis chuckling to his left as he watched his brother get bruised by the spoon. Mama waved it towards him and he stopped immediately.

“Now, James.” She sighed, sitting back down and folding her hands in front of her. “How do you like the food?” 

James looked down at his plate and forked another mouthful of food.

“It’s good.” Mama beamed and nodded her head. She looked as if she was about to say something else before Rufus cleared his throat.

“That’s people.” Rufus grunted, pointing towards the meat. Mama’s hands fell to the table with a clang. Everyone else at the table shot an annoyed look towards RJ, but continued to eat nonetheless. James couldn’t help but stop mid-chew. “Like what you just swallowed there was what…. Loin? Right Mama?”

“It was a shoulder, actually.” Her voice was cold as she took a sharp breath. James heard Baby giggle as the tension rose. He couldn’t hear much of whatever else they were saying; his attention was on the hunk of meat- no,  _ flesh-  _ on his fork. That could have very nearly been him. That almost  _ was  _ him. It was only by sheer, stupid luck he wasn’t shoved in some freezer or hangin’ on a meathook right now.

“It was good.” James repeated. Mama and Rufus stopped their bickering as they both gave him an odd look.

“Really? You mean that?” By her tone she sounded genuinely surprised. James nodded his head. He could see Otis watching him with a smirk as he swallowed another mouthful. 

“Haven’t had much… What was it again?”

“Shoulder, honey.” She offered gently.

“Yeah- haven’t had a lot of shoulders in my life but this is the best so far.”

Mama barked out a laugh and slapped the side of the table. Baby joined in with one of her high pitched giggles, shoving James playfully as she forked a slimey string of green beans into her mouth.

“Now enough of this melodrama.” Mama threatened, breaking her smile with another brandish of her spoon. “I mean it. You say one more smart thing tonight Rufus and I’ll have to get Spaulding down here to haul your ass to the emergency room.” Rufus huffed, rolling his eyes and glaring at James before relenting.

“Good.” She smiled, sitting back down finally enjoy her food. “Now, anyone do anythin’ interesting today?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt put the gay relationship in the tags cause i wanted this to be kind of a surprise.... im not like you other gays i have taste


	4. oh ew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> on god we gonna get you to open up about your lived experiences as a trans guy in the middle of a rural town in the 70s. on GOD we gonna get you there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby says trans rights.

The rest of the dinner seemed so bland and mundane it was almost cruel. It’d passed without much incident; Rufus hadn’t said much of anything to James, only throwing him the occasional glare or side eye when Mama wasn’t looking. As the dishes were dumped in the sink Baby dragged James back up the steps, going a mile a minute talking about all the things they were going to do.

“-Then I’ll have you help me pick out tomorrow’s outfit, and then I can show you this real cute outfit i nabbed off a corpse Otis brought home! It looked like somethin’ you’d see in the movies! Then, I can practice makeup on you-”

“-Makeup?” James asked cautiously. Baby nodded.

“Yeah! Like, you know, you eyes, and maybe your eyebrows… They’re real nice and thick but maybe we can shape em’ a lil’ bit? Oh! Oh let me do your lips! Please please please please let me do your lips!” She was literally bouncing on her heels as she begged, hands folded in a praying gesture. 

“Wait.” She stopped, mid bounce on her haunches. “Hold on. Would that- like, woud it… you know… mess with your head at all?”

“What?”

“You know… How you used to be…..” She made a vague gesture towards her chest. 

“Oh. OH.” Baby nodded. She looked genuinely concerned about the entire thing. “I mean.. I don’t care?”

“Do you really not? Cause’ you like… I don’t wanna force you to do nothin’ thats gonna make you all freaked out. I ask Otis and Tiny to do this all the time. It ain’t just you.”

“No like, it’s- Otis? You get Otis to wear makeup?”

“Oh yeah! He loves that shit! He has this whole face paint thing he does on holidays! It’s real neat- kinda looks like he’s got a skull face when he does it!” She gasped, setting him down on the bed as she bounced again. 

“Can I do that to you?” She asked, once again borderline begging James to let her get the makeup out. James nodded and she shrieked with delight. “Yes! Yes- hang on, my makeup’s in the closet, lemme just-”

She opened the door a bit wider. James watched a corpse tumble out onto the floor- the same he’d seen before dinner. She was an odd purple color; her eyes seemed… glassy. Vacant. Bloodshot. Her hands were outstretched, fingers looking like they were trying to grip something just out of reach. Baby prodded her body with the tip of her shoe and huffed.

“Ugh! This stupid bitch again?” She grabbed the corpse by it’s shoulders and started to move it towards the other end of the room. “She’s only been dead maybe… what, two or three days I think? But she already smells like a fuckin’ pigstie! It’s disgusting!”

“Why do you keep her in here then?” James asked gently. Baby rolled her eyes before laughing a little bit.

“Because, silly. I gotta wait until we can use her.”

“Won’t her meat be bad if you just let her sit and rot? I mean-”

“No no no- no! We won’t eat her! We’d get sick!” Baby grabbed a handful of product; greasepaint, remover wipes, brushes. “Even before we killed her I could tell she was rotten! She woulda tasted like shit!”

“So you don’t… Eat all the-” James almost used the word victim and had to think of an alternative quick. “...-Visitors to your house?”

“Don’t be silly!” Baby giggled, plopping all the materials down on the bed next to him. “One person lasts us about a month or two dependin’ on how big they are.”

“So what’s she gonna be used for?”

“I gotta let her sit for a bit before Otis can use her for his ‘art projects’.” She rolled her eyes and motioned melodramatically before continuing. “He wants to use her bones for somethin’ I think? I can’t remember! But he told me to keep track of her body for a few days so boom! We’re keepin’ track!”

She went quiet again as she plopped the face paint onto a paper towel and grabbed a brush. James tried his best to ignore the literal, honest to god corpse that was propped awkwardly behind him. 

“You’re bein’ real calm for somebody who’s got a corpse propped up awkwardly behind im’!” Baby chirped, giggling when James’s eyebrows shot up in panic. “Didja think I’d think you’d be used to that? No silly! You’re normal! You probably ain’t seen a fresh body like that in forever!”

James nodded. 

“It’s ok to be a lil’ scared! She’s just hangin’ out with us cause’ I want you to be used to this! If you’re gonna live with us here you gotta know how to act around a body. Wanna know what helped me get used to all this?” James nodded, trying to ease his racing heartbeat just a tad bit. Baby set her brush down and gripped him by the shoulders, staring straight into his eyes. Her expression was very serious.

“ Mama always told me that a body’s just a big sack of meat you can do whatever with. Like a fat, bloated, smelly pinata! Just instead of sticks, you gotta beat it with knives to get the good stuff out. We’re just lettin’ that pinata set until Mr. Grumpyass decides he want’s us to play with it. But that don’t have to stop our party! After all, pinata’s don’t come till’ the end!”

James nodded. That entire thing made absolutely no sense, but Baby’s conviction in what she was telling him and the way she was genuinely trying to help calm him the fuck down did wonders for his state of mind. He sighed, leaning back as she plopped another glob of paint on his face. They continued in silence for a bit before James felt Baby slow down. He opened his eyes and watched as she eyed a clock to their right.

“Oh shit! I almost forgot!” She exclaimed, setting the paint down again and grabbing for something on a nearby table. Her hands found a remote and she frantically pushed the power button. The screen fizzled to life, and he watched her flick through channels in a blur.

  
  


“There! There!” She settled on some old black and white movie. “It’s a little ways in already but I don’t think we missed all that much.” 

The tv was showing some kind of surgery. A team of doctors and nurses were hovering over a body on an operating table.

“A documentary?” James asked skeptically. Baby shushed him and nudged his attention back to the screen.

“Next comes the surgery; the removal of the man, and the formation of the woman- a woman born at the age of 24…” The narrator continued while video played of the main character- Glen- walking around town in dresses while people bemoaned how a normal man could do such things.

“This is the thing I was talkin’ about!” Baby said, motioning towards the screen. “You did that surgery thingy right? They took the man out and killed the woman?” 

“Th- they what?”

“Like they said in the movie! They remove the woman and bring the man out! That’s what they did to you, right?” James noticed she seemed invested, leaning in towards him and waiting for a response.

“There wasn’t actually.. Like. A man inside my old body.” James started. Baby seemed confused again. “Like… that was more of a metaphorical thing, Baby.”

“Oh…? Then like how did you know about all that? Like knowin’ you was a guy and whatever?”

“How do you know?” 

“How do I know what?” Baby asked.

“That you’re a girl.” 

“Well, duh! I just am! I just know! I don’t gotta question it I just know!”

“That’s how I was.” James offered, and Baby nodded. The expression on her face didn’t change, however. James sighed, readjusting himself on the bed and continuing. “So puberty hits, right? And that’s like a whole weird thing for me cause I start gettin’ boobs and fillin’ out and it’s like…. God. It was so weird! Cause I saw all the guys get hair and shit basically everywhere and I was expected to just…. Get a big chest? Hips?”

“A period?” Baby offered. James cringed.

“Yeah. That too. It felt… So wrong. And I felt wrong. I didn’t know what to do or anything- I thought I was like… a case for the nuthouse you know?” Baby shook her head no. Of course she didn’t. “Ok- well, regardless- I was panicked. And I didn’t know what to do. Then my school’s health class had this… I dunno what you’d call it? It was some article bout’ some girl who was like, born the other way around. And she got this thing done and she was like… a normal girl? But that wasn’t it. She was takin’ these pills to like… stop her body from makin’ more testosterone?”

“You can do that?”

“I guess so? She was takin’ things to give her estrogen too and like.. Baby, she looked so normal. I was so confused- I was so _ happy.  _ Because it meant I might have a chance to fix it all and get normal.”

“You look normal!” Baby offered. “Like, that’s why I couldn’t believe you was special! You just look real… What’s the word? Is authentic insulting?”

“I mean a little yeah.”

“Ok then- uh-you look…. Uh… Organic?”

James sighed. She meant well.

“Thank you.”

Baby nodded. She turned her head back to the screen. The next few minutes passed in relative silence.

“So how did they give you that juice stuff?” James shifted awkwardly.

“Well, uh- they kind of didn’t.” Baby looked confused. “I stole it.” 

“Ohhhh…! A medical heist! That’s sooooo baaad!” She sang, feigning shock. “I’m gonna go get the cops right now-”

“-You kill people!” James snorted.

“-But we don’t take medical supplies from hospitals!” She shot back, shoving his arm playfully. “You’re the worst! An absolute monster! Takin’ what you need when the big wig doctors tell you no! How dare you!”

“You sound just like the clerk who found me.” He joked. “They tried puttin’ me up in some looneybin afterwards. My dad basically disowned me.”

“-Over that?” 

“I mean… yeah? I broke the law?”

“The law ain’t nothin’! Mama would never do that to none of us!”

“But it-”

“-ain’t nothin’ when it comes to the people you love.” Baby finished for him. “That’s just stupid! Can’t even believe that people act like that.” James was floored. He watched her huff a bit before turning back to the T.V. in a moody huff. A hand shoved popcorn in her mouth as she grumbled to herself.

“So you make it to Florida.” Baby spoke as the next commercial break started. “Why ain’t you there now? I heard Florida is a mess- Mama’s been there, said it’s too humid and the people are just nutcases. And not the fun kind like us!” She clarified. “Like, they use drugs and try and fight gators! Did you see any of that down there?” 

“Nope.” Baby sighed, almost sounding defeated. 

“Then why would you leave?”

“My dad sent this guy after me to bring me home.”

“H- he what? Like… A hitguy?”

“No? Not to kill me but like, bring me back to him I guess? He was sayin’ I was all confused and stuff and was gonna hurt myself.”

“Cause’ you were gettin’ your tatas off?”

“Because I was getting my tatas off.” James nodded. She shook her head. 

“A bunch of bullshit. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with you! Even before you had to get all that done there wasn’t nothin’ wrong with you! They shoulda helped you, James!” 

He couldn’t say much to that. He couldn’t say much at all. For the first time in his life, James was talking to someone who not only took him seriously, but didn’t treat him like an escaped sideshow freak.

“James? You ok there buddy?” James looked towards Baby. She looked concerned. “You’re breathin’ real heavy.” He could feel her scoot closer towards him. A few seconds later her arm snaked around his shoulder and pulled him into an awkward sort of half-hug.

“Nobody’s told me that before.” His voice was awkward and gravely. It was probably the first time he’d emoted since this mess started.

“What? Asked if you were ok?” 

“No. That there isn’t nothin’ wrong with me.” 

Silence. Baby, for the first time since he’d got here, actually had nothing to say. She just kind of sat there with James on her shoulder. The movie clicked back on from it’s break and she didn’t shift her focus. She just let him rest.

“Wait.” James sniffled, moving his head and wiping at his eyes. “Fuck. My makeup- you’re fuckin’ top-”

“I can fix it. Mama’s a pro at this; she’s got a ton of experience gettin’ greasepaint out of clothes.”

“How?” 

“Well my daddy’s a clown.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if this isnt obvious already this is kind of coming from a personal place and like.. idk i dont like how no1 ever explores the concept of transness/being lgb in a horror setting because the entire Fear of families like the fireflys is that there so removed from what society at large considers normal. they operate on a different sort of morality etc than what the "normal" family would so why would they care about being gay or trans or whatever. do you think mamas really gonna uphold the gender binary in her house? shes a total fag hag.
> 
> i think its just a sort of neat idea that almost no one ever really thinks about when writing these kinds of stories so if i gotta be that one then i will


	5. bird watching :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> otis brings baby and james on a fun bird watching trip. we explore the intricacies of being gay in the 70s for someone who is an active participant in society at large vs people who are outsiders and have absolutely no clue what the big deal is. james has bad taste
> 
> also uh warning for gore lol

The next couple days all passed in a blur. James had to learn how the house worked- a sort of complex social structure that seemed to have no place for him. The head of house was Mama; something Otis had tried to dispel multiple times. When James had all but proven he wouldn’t fall for it, his insistence shifted towards simply being the “alpha male” of the house. This, Baby told him, was also false. If there was a patriarch, she’d said, it was her dad.

James had heard a whole slew of different stories about Spaulding. Without actually seeing him in the flesh, it all felt like some kind of folklore you’d give a cryptid. A story from Mama about how he’d managed to outgun three crooks who held up his gas station one night. Another that Baby told, about the time he’d held a teen at knifepoint because he’d stolen her allowance. It all seemed unreal to him.

And then there was Otis.

“That fat old fuck… Good for nothin’.” Otis spat as he worked on his latest project. He’d insisted James sit in on him as he’d worked; so far, James had only gotten sick twice. This was something he was proud of, especially considering the latest phase of Otis’s… ‘Operation’. Before him, a subject was strung up by their wrists and ankles. Their arms were over their head, while their legs were propped in a way that their torso was suspended in the air. Otis had cut along the poor thing’s back and cracked every rib one by one, working them out of the body and behind them. 

Otis had been giddy today as he started on the last of his art piece. He’d already gotten some of the work done; James watched, trying not to puke again as a lung filled with air. It was wrapped intricately through one of the ribs behind their shoulder blades, so intertwined it looked natural. With a cold feeling he realized that the subject was still clinging to life.

“Why’s that?” James' voice shook as he asked, trying desperately to change to subject as Otis worked to free the other lung. Otis stopped, looking up at him with a sour expression.

“Cause!” He shouted like he was in the middle of one of his rants. “Old piece of shit would never stop and get me food when he’d drag me off on his clown business!” James could feel his brows knit in confusion. 

“That- That’s it?”

“Well, yeah? Fuck you mean? I need some long-ass excuse for why I hate his ugly little grease paint mug? Fuck off.” He grumbled, going back to hacking at the body. “Ain’t every day I get to make one of these blood eagles. Don’t wanna mess my mood talkin’ bout somebody like that.”

“Oh he’s just jealous!” Baby teased from her chair. “All Mr. Macho wants to be is the big man of the house and daddy won’t let em’!” James couldn’t help but notice the victim’s spasming. Their poor eyes seemed… cloudy. Distant. Otis- if he even noticed- didn’t seem to care much, smashing his hands on the metal cart that held his tools. 

“He ain’t even here half the damn time no more!” He screeched. The victim swung helplessly as he moved their restraints. “I’d like to see him try and claim to run this place all the way from the Kentucky Fried Fuckhouse! I’M the one who has to put out all the damn fires here!” Baby rolled her eyes with a sigh.

“Yeah? Alright, you say so.” She feigned defeat, getting out of her chair and crossing the room. “Come on, James, let’s blow this shitcicle.” 

“W- Where do you think you’re going? Takin’ my fuckin’ audience from me like this!” Otis hollered after them. “You leave now this sorry sack a’ shit’s gonna die! You won’t get to see their lasts breaths! It’s not like nothin’ you’ve ever seen!” The rattling, wet rasp the victim let out indicated that this wasn’t that far off.

“Mmhm.” Baby nodded, her voice flat as she lead James by the hand. “I bet it is. You can tell us about it later.” With that, she slammed the door behind them. They could still hear his prattling echo down the hall as they made their way down the stairs into the living room. 

“He’s such a wet blanket.” Baby grumbled, plopping down onto the couch. She patted the cushion next to her. James sat down as she continued, fishing around for the remote. “All my brothers are!”

“Even Tiny?” 

“Well- Yeah.” Baby scrunched her face as she thought about it. She seemed conflicted. “He’s a big softie… But…..He’s just boring! Won’t ever do nothin’ fun with me!” She crossed her arms with a pout. For the sake of his sanity James decided not to press her on what her ‘fun’ was. Instead, he offered an empathetic nod. 

“I swear, he only cares about eatin’ cereal and stumps!”

“S- stumps?” That was enough to pique his interest. Baby’s composure changed as she threw her head back and let out a cackle.

“Oh man- nobody’s told you yet? Shit- long fuckin’ story. So Tiny has this thing where he-”

The door was all but thrown open with a thud. James jumped in his seat. Baby sighed, rolling her eyes as she slumped back into the couch. 

“Oh this fuckin’ drama queen!” She spat. The look of concern on James face made her shake her head. “Don’t worry, it’s just RJ.”

Loud footsteps shook the floor under them as Rufus thudded his way into the room. He stopped in the doorway, expression neutral as he dropped a mysterious trash bag onto the floorboards with a thud.

“The stuff from your trunk.” He grunted, motioning towards the bag. “Put all the clothes in there.”

“What about his boy juice?” Baby asked, bored as she flipped through the channels. James remembered his medication for the first time in days and felt his heart sink.

“His what?” Rufus looked skeptically at James. Baby was about to shoot something smart back when James found his words.

“-My testosterone.” He clarified, stomach doing somersaults. Rufus’s attention shifted back to him, and he had to swallow down a lump in his throat. “Those little glass bottles? With the- uh, fuck what are they called-”

“Needles?” Rufus finished. James nodded, swallowing again as Rufus gave him an annoyed look. He patted the top of the bag. “Yep. All in there.” His tone was filled to the brim with passive aggression. Regardless, James breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well.. Thank you. I really appreciate that.” James offered politely. Rufus expression was blank. The silence in the room stretched on. Rufus, James concluded, must’ve got something out of watching him squirm awkwardly under his glare; he lingered in that doorway an eternity.

“Yeah.” He grunted, finally moving towards the kitchen. James sighed, almost shaking as he felt the tension leave his body. He kept an eye on him till he rounded the corner. As he turned back he was met with Baby; a wicked, devious little smirk on her face.

“Oh good lord you got it baaaaaad!” She sang, shoving him a little too hard. “That’s SO funny!” 

“Got what?” James glared, feeling his cheeks heat up a bit.

“My brother! You think he-” She didn’t finish. James scrambled on the couch, throwing a hand over her mouth as she let out a loud yelp.

“Quiet down!” James hissed. He threw a glance over his shoulder to make sure Rufus hadn’t heard. Thankfully, it looked as if he’d made his way back to his room; or at the very least, somewhere else. Away from the living room. He was nowhere to be seen. James leaned back and moved his hand as Baby erupted into a laughing fit.

“GOD! That’s just- It’s- I mean, I guess?” She choked, leaning on an armrest for support. “I guess I can see it? Some reason all the attention my brothers get is on Otis?” James tilted his head.

“Really?” That was enough to break James out of his mini panic attack. He scrunched his face in disgust- causing Baby to start laughing again.

“Exactly! He’s lucky if he showers once a week but they can’t keep away from em’!”

“‘They’ is women, right?” Baby nodded. James rolled his eyes. 

“They have no standards!” Baby sighed. “Not that RJ’s that much better.” She said in a playfully accusing tone. Her eyebrow cocked as she stared James down.

“I mean- his facial hair doesn’t look like somebody glued pubes on his face at least.”

Was that too far? James watched Baby, feeling his heart drop as he realized insulting her brother was possibly crossing a line. When she almost doubled over in hysterics he realized that thankfully it was fine. 

“P- PUBES? PUBES ON HIS FACE?” She hollered, literally shrieking as she nearly fell off the couch. “Holy god in heaven you’re fuckin’ FUNNY! I gotta tell dad about that one, fuck he’d get a kick outta you! I can’t wait for you to meet him!”

“Does he not live here?” James asked. Baby shook her head.

“Nah. Mama kicked him out years ago; came home one night after some clown stuff he had to do and got blood all over the carpet she just cleaned. Also, he kinda was cheatin’ on her I think?”

“My dad did that too!” James exclaimed. 

“Really? So that’s normal then? Dad said it wasn’t bad cause’ him and Mama weren’t together or nothin’ but that didn’t stop Mama… Y’know, from gettin’ the pistol.” She looked to James as if he had a similar story of his mom being brave enough to do something like this. He didn’t have the heart to tell her her experiences weren’t universal. James simply nodded along as if they were to humor her.

“Anyways what were we- Oh yeah! You have bad taste.” She shook her head sadly. “Cause’ even if RJ isn’t as bad as Otis, he’s still a big lumbering stinky idiot who’s all mopey and weird all the time!” 

“Aren’t all men?” 

“TRUE!” Baby agreed. “But regardless! Sure does suck you gotta stick with em’ I guess.” She sighed, fixing her attention back on to the screen. The minutes passed slowly; James could feel the heat leave his cheeks as everything seemed to settle. 

“...Didn’t you say he was… like…?”

“A gay?” Baby asked. James nodded. “Yeah! He is!”

“Do you like… know for sure? How? He doesn’t really seem like the type to talk about that-” James made an awkward motion with his hands and grimaced. Baby nodded.

“Oh silly- he doesn’t talk about it! You just know, like, as a sister!” She waved at James dismissively. “Also, my room’s right next to his. I hear things.” 

“Like?” James pressed inquisitively.

“Oh you little perv!” She joked, rolling her eyes. “Like, sometimes he brings people back to the house! We all do, but he doesn’t… You know. Kill em’!”

“Do you normally kill the people you have flings with?” 

“Mean’, not always. If we bring em’ back here we usually do though. Cause’ they’re in the house and whatnot. But he always says it's some guy from work or somethin’.... Like-” Baby cleared her throat, slapping her chest a few times before lowering her voice to a deep grumble. “-’Mama I can’t kill this’n, he’s from work. They’d notice a driver was gone! We just wanna watch the game up in my room.”

James couldn’t help but crack a smile at how bad her impression was. She did the same as she coughed, wheezing for air from the effort.

“Now tell me what little 5’4 fruitcup from the ritzy part of town’s gonna work at a tow shop? OR watch a football game!” She exclaimed. “We asked em’ what game they was gonna watch and he didn’t even know! He’s such a bad liar!” James nodded, taking it all in.

“Is he like… Scared then? To come out?” He finally asked after a moment’s reflection.

“W-What? Why would he be!” Baby exclaimed. “This whole damn house is fuckin’ homo in one way or another!”

“But… Do you like. See how people out there act?” James said as gently as he could, motioning towards the window in front of them.“I mean- you guys are fuckin’ weird cause’ you don’t care. Rufus goes out, what- daily? For work, right?” Baby nodded. “Exactly. He sees people every single day that aren’t as…. Liberal? I guess?”

“What do you mean by that? Liberal?” Baby seemed confused.

“I mean that the world at large thinks people like us should die.”

“For the murderin’?” Baby offered with a nod. James started to shake his head no, before backtracking with a shrug.

“No- I mean, yeah- but not that. I mean the whole bein’ gay thing.” 

“Really?” Baby looked… shocked, almost. It caught James off guard. When he nodded his head she gasped. “But why?”

“I- I’m not too sure. Just the way it is.” He said with a shrug. Why wasn’t something he thought about a whole lot- it was just something he accepted. “He sees that constantly- goes out and talks to people who think like that. I’m not sayin’ he hates himself or whatever but… He’s probably got it in his head that he’s bad or somethin’ for it.”

James could tell that Baby was upset. Her nose twitched as her lips formed a scowl.

“But we can tell him that's not true. We can fix his way of thinkin’ like that right?” James grimaced. He didn’t want to explain this process to her; usually, he didn’t have to explain things like this to the others. They came from the same environments he did and saw it themselves- it was sort of an unspoken social law.

“That’s something he’ll have to figure out himself. You don’t worry about that cause’ you don’t have that influence and you know who you are. I don’t- now, I don’t know him that well.” James clarified, putting his hands out in surrender. “-But from what I can tell... I don’t think he has the same security in himself as you do? Or the rest of your family.”

Baby’s eyes fell on the table in front of them. She seemed… introspective. Melancholy. Like he’d just explained the evil’s of the world to her for the first time. Which, considering everything her and her family got up too was surreal to him. The room seemed colder as he watched her process everything.

“Sometimes this is just.. Internalized.” James sighed after a few minutes. “I went through it too.”

“But he’ll bring home guys-”

“-And he does it in secret.” James finished. “He’s afraid of admitting that’s a part of himself. You can’t rush that outta him Baby- It’ll just complicate things even more than they already are.”

Silence. Baby chewed on her lip as she glared a hole through the wall in front of them.

“This is stupid.” She finally conceded. James nodded his agreement.

“Y’all are kind of nuts but damn- what I wouldn’t give to live outside of all that shit.” James sighed. “Growin’ up without havin’ to worry or hide anything I mean.”

“Yeah. I wish my brother did too.” Baby slumped back onto the couch. Her nostrils flared as she watched some stupid game show that had the most annoying host imaginable. She seemed to pick up on it too- the channels soon started to flicker through the selection once again.

“He’ll get there.” James offered. “They always do.” Baby didn’t say anything to that; just looked at him with a sigh and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so fucking funny because i feel like this is such a bizarre subject matter for a house of 1000 corpses fanfic in 2020 but you know what? here we are. you guys came expecting some stupid murder shennanigans and now you have to listen to weird introspective on what it was like being gay 50 some years ago. oh my god the 70s were 50 years ago. holy shit thats horrifying.


	6. the part where it gets dicey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh! here comes the conflict!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i just wanna preface this chapter with a content warning; there is very extensive deadnaming/misgendering in this chapter. ngl this shit made me kind of nervous writing it and like, its been ready for a few hours but ive held off on publishing because where i am its still tdov and it seems... weird? wrong? to do that until its midnight! so like ya please be careful reading this! i think writing it gave me a tad bit of brain damage

The paper trail his subject left had led him here of all fucking places. 

Marcus grunted as he grabbed the weathered looking paper envelope resting on the passenger’s seat. The file had his sloppy handwriting front and center; Case File 49. Subject; G. Haddenly. Originally from a small town in rural Indiana, the subject had managed to run and put herself in danger. A college dropout. Her father- the one who hired him in the first place- had called him practically begging for him to drag her home. Normally, he didn’t take cases like this; he stuck mainly to cheating wives and indecent citizens who needed exposing. Dealing with someone's wayward kid seemed a little too safe if anything. But when the father had mentioned that she planned to mutilate herself, amongst other things…. He was convinced.

With a shove his door popped open. The area around him was rough looking- overgrown weeds licked the fencing around him, the trees old and stripped of their bark. And the dirt that made up the parking lot was kicked up with the breeze, sending him into a coughing fit. As he wheezed, he managed to make his way through the small selection of gas pumps. A figure to his left was waving a sign like someone gone mad.

The smell of fried chicken caught him off guard. As he pushed his way into the room, the sight before him only served to confuse him more. All around him were posters of things he’d only seen in his nightmares; figures of the devil, goatmen, monsters and demons. They had things- jars, with specimens floating inside. A large, neon sign in the corner advertised some kind of “murder ride”. It was a jarring clash of stimulation that left him making the sign of the cross as he approached the front counter- which was vacant. Slowly, he approached;; a tiny brass bell, like one you’d see at a hotel, rested near the register. Marcus slapped it and immediately cringed. His hand was coated in grease.

“Who in the hell- Stucky, that’s you again I’m gonna beat your fuckin’ ass!” A voice all but roared from the back. A loud thud was heard, and when the voice spoke again it seemed to get louder by the word. “Two fuckin’ times in one day is pressin’ your goddamn luck you washed up lookin’ assm-” 

He stopped in the doorway. Marcus had to stifle a snort of surprise. 

The clerk was a fucking clown.

“Well, I’ll be!” He hooted, tossing a washcloth he’d been holding to the ground and making his way up front.. “Sorry to be such a monkey’s ass there. Didn’t realize I had a guest out here waitin’!” He rested an elbow on the counter and leaned in, his yellowed teeth on full display as he flashed a forced smile. “What can I do for ya?”

“I’d like to cut through the formalities here.” Marcus stated bluntly. He cleared his throat as he watched the clown’s face fall; first to disappointment, then to agitation.

“You with the law or somethin’?” He shot out with a low growl. Marcus observed the next change in body language; He repositioned one of his hands. His eyes seemed to betray a sort of feral look, like something you’d see in a cat that was protecting her kittens.

“Not officially.” He offered. The clown’s face didn’t soften at all. His eyes followed Marcus’s hand as he rummaged through the file in his arms. “I’m currently working with a client out of Indiana-”

“Indiana!” The man shouted. “Boy, the only fuckin’ thing they got from there’s corn and cousin’ ticklers. I can’t help you with neither of them, so I suggest you be on your way now.”

“-That’s not what I’m after. I’d appreciate it if I could finish, sir.” The clown reeled, nostrils flaring. Marcus moved quickly and grabbed the first file on top of the stack. Attached to the written notes he’d managed to compile was a faded picture of a figure. Their hair was buzzed, mouth set in a frown as their eyes looked dead center. It reminded the clown of a mugshot.

“The hell am I lookin’ at here?”

“This is my client’s daughter. She’s around the age of 20 now. It’s the last photo he had of her before she ran away almost 3 years ago-

“-The kid’s fuckin’ gone.” The clown laughed. Marcus watched, unamused. He offered a shrug before the investigator continued.

“Look, sir-”

“Spauldin’.” The clown corrected. “The only Sir in my goddamn store is my Quality Sir-vice-” He stressed the word, a snarl on his face- “ I give my customers. And I’m just sayin’ facts, paperboy- look outside! Tons of missin’ posters put all over my walls like I’m runnin’ out a fuckin’ pinata.”

Marcus grimaced, making a mental note of this clown’s name. He sucked in a breath and sighed, adjusting his glasses and finding composure before he continued.

“The subject that ran away was extremely mentally ill. She was on her way to a plastic surgeon located somewhere in Florida. From what I’ve gathered she had all intentions to…” Marcus’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Mutilate herself. And I believe she’s followed through with this…. ‘procedure’.”

“What’dya mean by mutilation?” Spaulding’s head cocked as he surveyed the man in front of him. Marcus took this as a win- it seemed he’d finally caught his attention.

“She was attempting to amputate her…” His face crumpled with disgust. “Breasts.” 

“Huh?” Spaulding’s brows knit in confusion. “Why in the hell-”

“I know- it’s odd. That’s why my case is so urgent; She’s thoroughly convinced that she’s a male.” Spaulding twitched, leaning back a bit. Another odd display of body language. He hoped he wasn’t disgusting him with these details. “I know, I know. Her father’s taken the legal route to have her declared incapatated-”

“-What the fuck for?” 

Marcus was caught off guard with that. He watched as Spaulding seemed to seethe, taking a step back as the clown’s nostrils flared.

“..Pardon?”

“Why the hell you gotta go and have the poor thing called a nutjob? Just cause he’s thinkin’ all this stuff? Makes no sense.”.

“Si- Spaulding, she had a body part surgically removed! She stole a box of synthetic testosterone to inject herself with after reading about some pseudo-science report in a magazine! She’s going to end up hurting herself more than she already has-”

-Good! Good for him!” He smacked the counter. “Boy wants to go out and start his fuckin’ life and his dad throws a damn fit! Only thing he’s gonna be hurtin’ is his frail fuckin’ ego!”

“-She-” Marcus had thrown every ounce of energy he could into stressing the pronoun. He observed Spaulding’s expression twist further. “- is recklessly putting hormones into her body that could cause long-term health complications! This is serious!” 

“Yeah? If you keep causin’ a fuckin’ ruckuss in my goddamn store you’ll have your own long-term complications too candyass!” Spaulding barked. “Get the fuck outta here!”

Marcus stumbled backwards. The man couldn’t be serious! As he lingered Spaulding reached below the counter and surfaced again with a gun. Oh fuck.

“DID I STUTTER? GET MOVIN’.”

Marcus took his cue. His back turned to the clown, he ran towards the door. As he shoved his way out he swore he could hear him cock the thing. Marcus fumbled with his keys, cursing as he finally unlocked his care and clicked the ignition. The file was tossed sloppily into the passenger seat as he ripped out of the parking lot. He shook as he watched the station disappear in his review, letting out a shaky sigh as he tried to steady himself.

The nearest town, luckily, was only a mile or so away. Some place called Ruggsville. Setting up camp there would be a good idea; even if the clown didn’t know much, others would. He’d gotten reports from the local police that a figure similar to his target was spotted in town only a week or so ago. If the clown was any indication of the type of scum and degeneracy making their homes in this county, then she had to be hiding out somewhere close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spaulding said my fucking god this bitch transgender! good for him! good for him.


	7. hey all you cool cats and kittens its me carol baskins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i feel like carol baskins should play mama if they ever remake house of 1000 corpses cause they both have that "i killed my ex husband for his money" vibe and she could really work it

“James!” 

James let out a grunt as he rolled over on his mattress. It was too early for this shit. He opened an eye and looked around the room- the dark room. 

“It’s almost eight! You’re gonna miss dinner!” This caused his eyes to shoot open. Dinner? He jerked up, glancing behind him towards the large window in Baby’s room. Fuck. Mama watched this with a chuckle.

“Don’t you worry…” She drawled, settling herself on the mattress next to him. “Just gotta get all accumulated to the way we run our house, huh?” James gave her a look as she used the word… accumulated of all things. It wasn’t worth correcting- she meant well, and the wide smile proved that. He nodded, yawning a bit as he stretched. She sighed to herself as she helped him up.

“I’ll be; only been here a few days and you’re already startin’ to fit in!” She led him towards the door. James could only nod again, still too tired to do much of anything else or question exactly what she meant. “When we get downstairs we have a bit of talkin’ to do.”

That made him freeze up. Mama jerked a bit as he sandbagged; her head whipped around and she observed him with a knowing glance. He looked absolutely terrified.

“Oh no no- Hun, you ain’t got nothin’ to worry bout’!” She exclaimed. “Well fuck, that makes it seem all spooky scary what we gotta talk bout’- And it is I suppose! But not like that!” Mama’s insistence did little to calm his nerves. She seemed to mean well enough, but how could he be sure? It wouldn’t do too much good to argue, James rationalized, so he just gave another tight nod. Mama’s smile returned as she started back downstairs. 

“Bout time he got his ass outta bed!” Otis hollered as they came into view. He was sitting at the far end of the table. James felt his stomach knot; in his time here, he’d only seen him downstairs for dinner a handful of times. This really had to be something serious.

“Now son, please.” Mama hissed. “Poor thing’s gotta adjust to bein’ yanked round’ like a new toy. Between you and her he’s probably got whiplash by now!” She shot Baby a stern look. Baby, of course, returned it with a wide, innocent looking smile.

“Still don’t excuse sleepin’ like the fuckin’ dead.” Grandpa snorted. Baby rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah? You do the same damn thing old man!” Baby hollered. He looked like he was about to snap back with something until Mama cleared her throat. The old man jumped a bit in his seat, looking towards his daughter and huffing in agitation. James took his seat.

“Now- if you all would please keep yourselves quiet.” Mama started, sitting at the other end of the table and prodding her food with her fork. “We have business to discuss.” 

The entire family started a ruckus. Grandpa slammed the table in front of him while the kids cheered. Even Rufus- serious, stoic, moody fucker he was even cracked a smile. James felt his body go rigid. 

“It’s about time for Halloween!” She announced.

“It is?” James asked with a tilt of his head. That’s what this was all about? Halloween?

“Uh, duh!” Baby laughed. “Didja lose track of time or somethin’?” James hesitated a moment before nodding the affirmative. Baby stopped, pondering that for a second before giving a tiny “Oh.”

“He ain’t ready!” Grandpa shouted, tossing a little hunk of roll in James’ general direction. “Green little fuck’s gonna ruin it for the rest of us just cause’ he ain’t prepared-”

“Anybody ruins anything this year it’ll be your wrinkly ol’ ass.” Otis shot from the end of the table. “You forgettin’ who let the rabbits out last year?”

Everyone around him groaned. Rufus shot Grandpa a particularly nasty look as the old man fumed.

“If the bitch handn’t fuckin’ bit my hand-” 

Mama suddenly cleared her throat again, much louder this time.

“It’s about TIME for HALLOWEEN.” Mama shouted over the ruckus, putting an end to whatever fight was about to break out. The family had all eyes on her as she continued. “And, like we do every year, we gotta get ourselves ready for the festivities. As it stands, we got two days till’ the 31st.”

“It’s already the 29th?” James whispered to Baby. She nodded. That made him reel a bit; how long had it been since his car broke down? How long had he been here?

“So here’s how we’re splittin’ this up; Tiny and Grandpa can handle the decoratin’ round’ the house. Otis can help you two whenever ya’ need it.” Otis rolled his eyes like this was a burden. Mama- god love her- chose to ignore it, continuing on; “Baby, you better get ready to round up some guests for our party. And RJ can help you out with that of course.” 

James knew better than to just accept this was a normal halloween party. There had to be a catch; guests, he assumed, was a shorthand for victims. The family had luckily let him out of most of their escapades so far; never really involving him in any of the actual kills. He was nervous, though; where would he fit in with this? Would they give him some sort of job too? Would the job get him killed? Would he have to kill? Would he even mind killing?

“That ain’t gonna be all you gotta do.” Mama continued. Rufus paused, dropping his fork to his plate. His brows knit in confusion as Mama went on “James ain’t got any sorta prep for this. Not even a costume! Now we can’t do all that much to prepare him for how we celebrate- nothin’ can, really!” She let out a laugh that Baby joined in on. Even Otis let out a bit of a chuckle, shaking his head like this was something hilarious. Rufus, however, was unamused. His gaze never left his mother.

“The least we can do is help get this boy a costume! And since you got the best experience with the people in t-”

“No.” Rufus’s voice was low, the anger dripping off every word. He shook his head as he cringed.

“-You probably have the best chance-”

“-No.” He said again, adding a bit more emphasis as he slapped the table in front of him. The entire surface shook; James watched the glass nearest to Tiny clatter to the ground.

“-thought you could take him down and help him pick somethin’ out!” Rufus looked pissed. He said nothing; eyes never leaving Mama as he silently seethed. Mama stared back; slowly, an eyebrow cocked as she regarded the challenger in front of her.

“Let me rephrase that.” Her voice was remarkably colder. James shimmied back in his chair as she cleared her throat once more. “You WILL take him to town. You WILL get him a damn costume, and if I hear that you so much as coughed near him in the meantime we’ll shove YOU into the damn pit this year. Am I understood?” That wasn’t a question. Rufus growled, turning back to his plate and stabbing a large hunk of meat with his fork hard enough James was shocked the plate didn’t break in two.

“Mama, I can go with em’!” Baby almost begged. “Please! That way we can make sure that stupid brick don’t hurt James none!”

“Baby- don’t call him that.” Mama started, taking a swig from her glass before she continued. “‘Nother’ thing; you can’t go into town right now, member’? You gotta lay low for a lil’ while.” Baby looked confused. She furrowed her brows and put a hand to her temple as she wracked her brain.

“Oh! Yeaaaah! I remember now!” She laughed. Mama seemed unamused. Baby shrugged. “What? All I did was mess with some waitress who called me ugly!” 

“I know, Baby- she had it comin’.” Mama agreed. “But the law don’t like it when you take somebody’s face off.”

“I didn’t even kill her!” Baby exclaimed. Mama nodded sympathetically as she took another swig.

“I know, honey, but they don’t look at it like that. You know what your daddy said-” Mama made a gesture and Baby nodded.

“-You better stay your ass at home unless the house burns down.” They both said in unison. Mama nodded.

“So what are you gonna do?”

“Stay my ass inside…” Baby said forlorn. Mama clapped her hands with a smile. 

“Yes! Exactly! And what are you going to do?” She pointed her spoon towards Rufus. He made a noise so quiet and low no one could make it out. Mama tilted her head. “What was that Mister Mumbles?”

“Said, take him into town.” He grumbled. Mama nodded, taking that as a win. She lowered her spoon.

“Good! Now, anyone got any questions?” James raised his hand slowly; shaking. Mama nodded. “Yes, James?”

“Am I gonna die?” He expected his voice to shake. The fact that it didn’t surprised him.. Mama seemed shocked, making a face as she took a step back.

“A- are you gonna what?” She exclaimed, shaking her head and laughing. “What in the hell gave you that impression, boy! Why would we go through all this trouble just ta’ kill you! You’re gonna be fine!” She rolled her eyes and waved dismissively. As her laughter died down, she sighed.

“Now I mean that! But of course, this is all countin’ on you not tryin’ to make a run for it the minute you step out of this house.” 

Mama’s body language shifted just as her tone had; her smile remained, but got tighter. Her eyes lost the maternaly glow they’d had before, replaced by an icy sort of seriousness that made James wince. Her hand had an iron grip on the edge of the table, her knuckles pale as she exhaled hard.

“Cause’ if that happens… Then yes, I guess you would die!” Her lips parted, showing her teeth in a sort of snarl. “Painfully! Remember that conversation we had now, James. I take threats to my home and my family very. Seriously.”

James had never come face to face with a wolf, or a bear, or any other kind of big game predator. But having Mama leer at him from her end of the table, teeth bared and eyes wild, feral but calculating at the same time… He was sure this was close. It had to be. And even if it wasn’t he was still frozen in his seat. This was the fear of god- no, the fear of something worse. The fear of mom.

“Yes ma’am I understand.” James said in a rush. Mama watched him for a moment; letting him squirm awkwardly in his seat before she leaned back and relaxed herself again. When she opened her eyes it was like she was a new person- or rather, her normal self again. She rose out of her seat and started to grab the empty dishes surrounding her.

“Well alrighty then!” Mama’s voice was chipper as ever. She leaned towards the center of the table and grabbed some more dishes that were dirty. Gone was the calculated murderer that had just threatened his life. She made eye contact with James and he jumped as she smiled- “James, I’ll have him take you down there tomorrow afternoon, so try to get some sleep tonight! You been sleepin’ all day lately! That’s just fine if we got nothin’ to do, but keep that up when we’re busy and you’ll be all outta sorts!”

There was a level of sterness to her voice. It was nothing like the death threat he’d just recieved, but lethal in the maternal way.

“So go! Get ready for bed!” She insisted, patting his back and sending him towards the stairs. “And Baby- don’t you keep him up none tonight!” James heard a chair scrape against the ground.

“I won’t!” Baby lied, running after James. She caught him on the stairs and steered him towards her room. She threw the door open and shoved him inside, slamming it after them and locking it with a click.

“Jaaaaaames!” She squealed, jumping in place and slapping him on the back. “James! James! You did it!”

“D- did what?” He asked, reeling. The entire last 30 minutes had been nothing but a blur of overstimulation.

“You know… You get to go to town tomorrow!” She yelled. “With Rufus!”

“Will you PLEASE keep your voice down!” James insisted, glancing around as if Rufus was about to kick his way through the wall. “You think this is some kinda date or somethin’-”

“Yes!” Baby interrupted. “It has to be! How else would you explain this?” 

“I dunno- I mean, does anyone else here even know how to drive?” James asked. Baby huffed, rolling her eyes.

“Of course we do! Mama can, Otis can- Tiny can’t, but he can’t do much of that normal stuff anyway. But think about it! Mama wanted you to go with Rufus outta ALL of us!”

“-Are you sure it’s not got anything to do with the fact that he’s like seven foot tall and can snap my neck like a twig.” His tone was blunt. “I mean, I think she’s worried about me makin’ a run for it.” Baby rolled her eyes and sighed.

“She was worried about that she still coulda sent anybody else! I can kill you quicker than you can say fuck!” She laughed, watching James twitch a bit at that being said so passively. “Just roll with it silly! God, life gave ya lemons and you’re here tryin’ to piss em’ away! Just play this cool and it’ll be fine!”

“I was trying to play it cool.” James groaned. “Then you started makin’ this a huge thing.”

“Am not!” Baby feigned shock with a gasp, reeling back with a hand to her chest. “I’m just trying to support you! Encourage you! Be your teammate!”

“Teammate?”

“Ya.” She shrugged. “Ain’t that what you call the supporters of people like us or whatever?” 

“I- I think it’s allies?” Baby frowned.

“That’s stupid.”

“You’re acting like I’m the one who made that up.”

“You coulda! I don’t know what you were doin’ before you came here!” James stared at her for a moment before finally shaking his head. God, she was fucking weird. Baby erupted into another giggle fit before plopping onto her bed.

“Now get to sleep dummy! You got a busy day tomorrow!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh... homos are about to collide here. ladies get your wigs ready


	8. q slur eye for the closeted gay guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mama would be a faghag and literally none of you can convince me she wouldnt be.

“You got everything for today?” Mama asked for what felt like the hundredth time as James finished the eggs on his plate. He nodded as he swallowed the last forkfull. When he made eye contact with Mama again he was caught off guard- she was grimacing. He watched as she turned her back to him- walked to the stove and came back with an old rag.. 

“Got egg all over your damn face.” She sighed, wiping the cloth around the corners of James’ mouth forcefully. He winced at the roughness and she gave him a sharp, disapproving look. “Don’t give me that face. Don’t want this to happen then don’t be so damn messy! Goin’ outta the house like some savage-” James huffed a bit, letting his thoughts blurt out of his mouth before he had time to think.

“-Mama, we eat people.”

It’d come out so naturally that it’d taken James a second to register the slip. Mama did a double-take; her eyes were wide as James processed what he’d said. Oh fuck. He watched her carefully, taking note of every possible twitch. He knew that Mama had told him to call her Mama the minute he’d actually been introduced, but it seemed…. Weird. Oddly intimate almost. Was it appropriate? His answer came after a moment's silence; she relaxed, her eyes filling with an oddly warm glow he’d not seen from her. 

“That don’t mean you need to look homeless, hun.” Mama’s voice was gentle. She made a tsk’ing noise before turning her back to him again. She returned with her own plate of eggs, taking a seat next to James and starting in on her food. He watched her eat, basking in the weirdly surreal feeling of a nice family breakfast before he spoke again.

“Is anyone else gonna eat with us?” James asked curiously. Mama shook her head.

“I left some for RJ. Others aren’t the mornin’ type.” That made sense. James hadn’t seen anyone leave their rooms until at least noon most days. “Speakin’ of which, he should be down any second.”

James tensed up. Mama picked up on this; lowering her fork as she cast him a sort of knowing look from her chair. James returned it with an awkward look of his own; playing it cool seemed to not be his strong suit. 

“I- What?” James started, playing dumb with a forced chuckle. Mama didn’t seem impressed. “Glad he’s getting a good meal before our busy day!” Still nothing. Mama’s eyes bore into him and he squirmed. The woman was a fucking brick wall. 

“I’m just like… so glad he can get… eggs?”

Nothing. Hours and hours of Otis’s inane ramblings about society and threats of mutilation had nothing on her brand of torture. James finally cracked, casting one more half-composed look at Mama before letting the floodgates open.

“W- why do I need to go with  _ him  _ of all people?” He finally exclaimed, fork falling from his hand as he shrugged. Mama’s eyes followed his every move as he panted, shaking before he finally accepted defeat. An elbow was propped onto the table as he took his head into his hands.

“Are you scared I’d run off or somethin’? Cause’ I feel like anyone here could beat my ass easy enough-” He looked up mid thought, putting his hands out defensively as he realized how that could be taken, “- _ not that I’m saying I would.  _ But- why’s it gotta be him?”

Mama stare finally broke. She blinked a few times, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath before finally,  _ finally,  _ speaking. 

“I know about my son.” She said simply. James looked confused. Mama saw this and shook her head. “About what he likes n’ all that. And I know that he thinks he’s gotta come ‘round here with his tail between his fuckin’ legs cause he’s got it in his head,  _ some fuckin’ how,  _ that it’s bad.” James noticed how her lips curled as she spoke. The way her eyes seemed to flicker with disgust- not for her son, but for the sorry state he’d been forced into. His heart broke.

“So you think that I can- what, exactly.” He asked carefully.

“I think you might be a...positive influence on my Rufus.” She offered gently. “Don’t seem to have that many hangups bout’ yourself. That’s admirable, especially around here. That could be a good influence on my boy.”

“That all hinges on your son being willing to tolerate me.” James half-joked. Her face fell a bit as he continued, “Seems like he kinda hates my guts right now.”

“Oh, hell- he’s like that with anybody new!” She scoffed dismissively. “Ever since Earl lost it. He’s been guarded ever since- poor lil’ thing…” Mama’s eyes actually started to water. James had never seen her talk much about Earl, or Tiny’s accident. None of the family really did. It all seemed… grim. Even for them. She took a second to dab at her eyes and steady herself before continuing; “Besides, once he comes round’ it’ll be easy. You’re already sweet on him-”

“-I- I’m what?” James stuttered. Mama paused. She shot him another knowing look, like the one she’d given him when this conversation started. He felt a lump in his throat.

“The walls are real fuckin’ thin. I hear everything.” Her tone was blunt, but mischievous. “Baby and you hollerin’ in the livin’ room will get people to hear, hun.” She smiled as James went pale, breaking into full on laughter as his breath got heavy. “Boy, you got it real bad, huh? I’m just glad it ain’t Otis!”

“That’s what Baby said.” James sighed, voice wavering a little. Mama reached her hand out and took his, running her finger over the back of it as she opened her mouth to say something else. A loud thud interrupted them both.

“What?”

Both Mama and James’s heads turned as Rufus entered the room. They didn’t have much time to register as he crossed the room, grabbing a blackened piece of toast and some eggs and wolfing it down. James felt his heart sink into his ass as he realized Rufus was shirtless; his back was to him, in full view, as he hovered over the sink. When he’d turned back towards the table his eyes were quick to shoot away- his hand moving towards his temples in a futile attempt to shield his cheeks. Mama missed  _ none  _ of this, watching with a smile on her face.

“Oh nothin’ hun! Don’t worry about it!” She joked, standing and grabbing James by the shoulders to prop him up. She patted him on the back and straightened his own flannel, fixing the crooked collar and trying to smooth over his hair. James could feel Rufus watching and just  _ knew  _ it had to be in confusion.

“Now, you two be safe out there.” She cautioned. “Don’t try nothin’ dumb.” She continued as she looked at James. Her tone was stern, but he could see the twinkle in her eyes. She took a moment before she coughed, continuing. “Nothin’ that could bring trouble back here.” Now her attention was on Rufus. He rolled his eyes and started towards the door. 

“Yes Mama- now come on.” He grumbled, grabbing onto James’s arm and yanking him along. Mama gasped, rushing after them and waving them down like she was calling a cab.

“Most important!” She called after the pair as they crossed the threshold of the door. “Just remember to have fun!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for reference this is what mama listening in to baby and james convo looked like https://media3.giphy.com/media/j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e/giphy.gif she was sittin there listening like were gonna get my closeted gay son a boyfriend on GOD. please hes so fucking moody! oh my god these bitches gay! good for them! good for them.


	9. sigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james goes on a car ride to pick out his halloween costume. gay men dont know how to talk to each other. james is, tragically, a stupidt fucking idiot who doesnt have a brain. im so sorry for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone feels like this isnt like.. how someone would act in this situation your wrong. even if the guy i was- wait hang on. holy shit. my cousins blasting a peppa pig youtube poop on the living room tv. this is amazing. like deadass this feels like 2007 again because im stuck at home, no school, writing house of 1000 corpses fanfiction while someones blasting a fucking youtube poop. this is surreal
> 
> what was i talking about? oh yeah sorry im gay and you all have to suffer thru that.

The sunlight was harsh. James winced; apparently, spending god knows how long indoors without going outside would disorient someone. It was like he was blind- the sun skewered everything in a weird sort of glow. He felt himself get whipped towards the door, crashing against the side of the car with an awkward thud. An annoyed snort came from somewhere above him.

“Get in.” Rufus’s voice was gruff- already annoyed. They hadn’t even been alone for a full minute and he was already annoyed. This was going great. James blinked, trying to get his bearings as he fumbled with the door’s handle. After a moment he felt it click and he climbed inside. It only took a few moments for the other side’s door to swing open; When Rufus plopped into his seat the entire cab shook. James steadied himself as he shoved the keys into the ignition and put it out of park.

“Know Mama probably already told you all this,” He started as they neared the end of the dirt road that acted as their driveway, “but I’ll just say it again. You ain’t tryin’ nothin’ today an’ if you do Mama said I get to settle it myself.” Rufus’s eyes were dark as he glared towards James. “And I’d make sure there wasn’t nothin’ left after.” 

Rufus’s focus turned back to the road as James nodded; with a quick turn they were on the road. The cab went quiet- James watched the scenery pass out his window as they drove on. Everything seemed to pass in a blur; the trees were meshing together in one green blob. Hazard signs were barely visible. He thought this was just his nerves or some lingering sun blindness at first, but a glance at the truck’s spedometer proved that wasn’t the case. Rufus was going almost sixty in a forty. James stared for a little too long; Rufus shot him another glare and James hastily diverted his attention back to the window. 

“I- Does that sign say repent?” He asked, trying to break some of the tension. Rufus didn’t say anything in response. “Is it like.. One of those mercy me type signs churches put up or whatever?”

A grunt. That was more than anything else he’d gotten yet. Even if it was small, James could work with it.

“We had those back up home.” He continued, looking forward now instead of isolating his gaze to the window. He could see Rufus eye him as he adjusted himself. “Dad would always take me out past this one on the way to church every sunday- except it said ‘He’s Coming!’ or something like that. It was so ominous.”

“Stupid.” Rufus growled with a shake of his head. James had to stop himself from jumping in his seat. Did he just get a word? An entire word out of him? He grounded himself before continuing. 

“Yeah, I never really liked church to be honest.” He shrugged, trying to keep the momentum going. “I- uh- I don’t like, wanna sound rude or nothin’. But it doesn’t seem like you guys are the type to go every week.” Rufus looked confused. The attention James had put on him made him huff in agitation, nostrils flaring before he snapped;

“Why would that be rude?” His tone was accusing. “None of us liked that shit. I like that we never had to go. I’m so sorry that ain’t normal for you or whatever.”

“No- I mean, I wish I coulda’ had that.” James clarified. Rufus looked towards him again with a hard expression; “I mean, I don’t like that I had to grow up all in that. They made me feel all.. Weird and stuff about myself, you know?”

“Nope.” Rufus said with a short huff. James watched him focus back on the road; something about his body language seemed.. Off. He looked uncomfortable.

“Like- About myself, before… I got started, I guess? With everything.” James didn’t know how much Rufus knew, or really understood, about the extent of his condition. He felt nervous, watching the man’s every detail as the car hurdled down the road. 

“What could they have done?” His tone was blunt, dismissive. James winced. 

“They helped convince my dad to put me up in a fuckin’ nuthouse, for one.” He shot, sending his own glare this time as Rufus continued to drive. Smarting off like this wasn’t smart- James knew that- but fuck him that struck a nerve. “They said that I was a sign a’ like, moral corruption or whatever-” A snort from his left interrupted him. He was snapped out of whatever angry monologue he was about to start by Rufus’s wheeze of laughter. His anger disappointed as he took the site in; Rufus was  _ laughing?  _

“You? Fuckin’ you?” He asked between pants. The fuckin’ nerve of this guy. “How in the fuck could they see some pudgy little thing like  _ you  _ an’ think you’re corruptin’ anything?” James shrugged as Rufus shook his head.

“I don’t know. I don’t get how southern baptists work! All I know is they turned my whole family against me and put it into their heads that I’m some kinda freak who needs to be burnt at the stake.” James hissed in agitation. Rufus paused his laughter, going quiet. The car slowed as they neared the outskirts of town. He glanced at James as they came to a stop at an intersection; His eyes were intense, filled with anger and resent. 

“I know I’m not though.” Rufus stayed quiet as James started up again. He almost seemed stunned; His usual stoic, hard-assed face of neutrality was replaced with one that almost looked…. normal. Like an actual person listening to another person talk. James sighed, putting a hand to his temples as he tried to gather his thoughts.

“I mean... I know I’m not some kinda freak for that. Cause’ like- I mean, to them I am.” James shrugged, “But what I realized is that their perception of what’s all good morally isn’t that good to begin with. Cause it judges on things that don’t really matter and stuff- like, how much money you make or if you look pretty or if you went to school and stuff. And none of that really matters when you get down to it.” The car rolled past a few gas stations as they made their way through the town’s main street. “Likin’ people and… coming to terms with your identity and what not isn’t bad. And if they wanna say it then what the fuck do they know.”

The car stopped. James looked around and noticed they’d pulled into the parking lot and found a spot. The air in the car was weird- he felt Rufus click the keys out of the ignition and shut the engine, but he didn’t move from his seat. Was he waiting on James to go first? Cautiously James looked to his left; Rufus seemed to be staring at him again, watching his every move. He couldn’t quite read his expression, but it didn’t seem hostile. Slowly, he moved to the handle of his door, pulling it open and sliding off his seat. Only then did Rufus make his way out, stopping on the sidewalk leading into the inside of the store and waving him forward. 

“So what all are we lookin’ for again?” James asked, trying to reason his way through the sudden one-eighty in behavior. He couldn’t make out Rufus’s face. James had to crane his neck to see him any other day; adding the midday sun beating down overhead made it next to impossible.

“Costume.” Rufus said simply, taking James' by the hand and leading him towards the store’s entrance. James couldn’t help but yelp in surprise as his hand enveloped his; he expected the absolute death grip he was given when they’d left. Much to his shock it wasn’t; this grip was gentler. Much gentler. Rufus’ pace also wasn’t the forceful yanking it had been before. He seemed like he was walking much slower so James could keep up. 

“Hi there-” The clerk started to speak as they shoved their way through the doors. She stopped when she saw Rufus, looming menacingly next to the crates of peaches and apples. She seemed nervous; swallowing the rest of her sentence and sending RJ a curt nod as he continued in. James couldn’t help but stare after her as Rufus led him deeper; likewise, she stared after  _ him.  _

“What’s her deal?” He asked, glancing up at Rufus. His face shifted out of the stoic facade as he came back to a more open disposition.

“Baby sorta threatened to gut her couple visits ago.” He let out a little huff of amusement as James looked appalled. Rufus simply shrugged. “What? That seem outta character?”

“No- I mean I guess not,” James conceded. Baby would probably do something like that. “but what’s that got to do with you? Did you threaten her?”

“Hell no.” Rufus shot. “I ain’t that stupid.Gotta worry about my towin’ business and what not.”

“Then why’s she all nervous?”

“Cause that’s my sister. They all know about us- or know we’re all related. They don’t  _ know  _ know.” He clarified, rounding the corner away from the food and nearing the home section of the store. “Get ideas in their heads bout’ what we all get up too.” James scoffed.

“So they just give you the cold shoulder preemptively.”

“As a precaution.” Rufus corrected. “Besides, dunno if you’ve noticed-” He paused as they neared the seasonal aisle all but overflowing with costumes, “But I’m damn near seven foot tall.Girls get nervous round’ guys like that.” He almost seemed proud of this, and as James looked up at him again he could see another smirk on his face.

“I’m painfully aware that you’re freakishly tall.” James replied as he scanned the displays in front of him; none of the ones he was seeing looked like actual adult costumes. He assumed that’s what they got for coming at such a late notice; most stores would probably be picked over the day before halloween. 

“A’int freakishly tall.” Rufus grunted, moving directly behind James and squatting a little to help him look. “Maybe you’re shorter than average.” James bristled at that.

“I am not short.” He huffed, not taking his eyes off the rows in front of them in fear of the smirk Rufus probably wore. “I’m average-” He stopped mid thought as he finally found the adult section… Way above his head. He grabbed for one of the first costumes he saw- and couldn’t reach. James sighed angrily, trying to jump for it as Rufus snorted in laughter. It took him less than a second to right himself and just grab for the one James had been after.

“A cop?” He asked skeptically.

“I didn’t see what one it was!” James groaned, “I just tried to find one that was my size.”

“Nah. You ain’t gonna be no damn cop.” Rufus’s tone was simple; like a command. He put it back on the shelf as he started to look for one himself.

“What- Rufus! I get to pick this out!” James exclaimed, trying to move back towards the shelf. Rufus responded with a light shove from his free hand, sending James backwards and letting him rummage in peace.

“You can’t even see nothin’.” He teased, grabbing another bagged costume and holding it out in front of him. His tongue clicked as he glanced between James and the bag. 

“What one’s that?” He asked. Rufus just glanced between the two one last time before nodding to himself. “Rufus!” He demanded.

“Don’t worry about it.” He joked with a tight smirk. “You got a costume. That’s what I was dragged along for.”

“But I was supposed to pick it out.” James huffed. Rufus shook his head as he started lumbering towards the register. His free hand extended and James went for it without thinking- something he realized immediately after and fucking  _ hated _

“Don’t worry bout’ it. I got somethin’ you’ll look real good in.” Rufus drawled. James almost sandbagged right there in the middle of the aisle. It took everything he had to keep moving, and he could only hope to god that stupid tree motherfucker couldn’t see his cheeks right now.

Besides, even if he couldn’t see them the cashier could.

“H- Hi there!” She started, taking in James’ half dead expression as he tried not to pass out. Her eyes flicked towards Rufus, who had on his classic stoic expression. “Didja find every-” Rufus dropped the costume onto the countertop with a low plop. The poor thing jumped. “Oh! Oh, good- cowboy! That’s such a good costume idea!” She laughed, waiting on either of them to respond.

“Cowboy?” James grunted under his breath. If RJ could hear him he ignored it as he continued to stare the girl down. Almost robotically his hand moved into his pocket, rustling around for money without ever breaking eye contact.

“Oh- it’s-” Rufus slammed a wad of money on the counter. She yelped; jumping a bit again in surprise as he tossed a quarter in for good measure. Rufus grabbed the plastic bag off the counter and pivoted towards the door. “Wait- It’s- uh, I dunno if this is gonna be enough-” Rufus simply growled. This shut her up- James didn’t hear from her as Rufus took his hand again. The grip was just as gentle as the last time.

“Was it necessary to be that rude?” He asked as the door swung open. The muggy Texas heat hit him like a truck and he almost gagged. Rufus seemed completely unfazed as he shrugged with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Yep.” 

“But why-”

“Didn’t you just have a big ol’ speech bout’ not caring about people’s opinions?” He asked. James almost stopped in his tracks as the realization hit him. “She wants to make me out to be some big bad guy then she can. Fuck er’. I don’t care about it.” They got off the sidewalk and started towards the truck. When they neared it, he led James to the passenger side and opened the door for him.

“....You-” James couldn’t process this. He just mumbled a slur of words in a confused haze as Rufus rolled his eyes.

“-Don’t want you runnin’ off.” He cautioned. James just stared at him like he was braindead. “Might try an’ bolt as I get into my side. Mama told me to be careful with you today.”

James swallowed. Holy shit. Slowly, shakily, he got into the cab. The door shut beside without the slam he’d heard before; it was more of a light shove. He couldn’t fucking believe it. James continued to stare a hole through the window as Rufus lumbered off back to his side.

The parking lot was full of people. The events of the day had almost left him blind to that. Why was he almost excited at the idea that Rufus was being nice to him? He was a killer! His entire family was filled with them! James could feel the rational part of his brain beg him to run, to open the car door and pump his legs until he could toss himself in the bed of a truck and get the fuck out of here. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. James couldn’t take his eyes off the pedestrians outside. He couldn’t help but feel like something here was wrong.

Wait.

James tensed as he squinted. Across the street was a man, middle aged, kind of fat and balding- he looked familiar. 

“Oh what?” The door to his left popped open as Rufus plopped himself into the driver’s seat. “You ain’t gonna thank me or nothin’?” Rufus’s tone was light, almost sweet, but James couldn’t respond. He was fixated on the figure, feeling a pit in his stomach- it couldn’t be. Rufus was oblivious; with a quick motion he shoved the keys into the ignition and the engine roared to life. The man across the street jerked his head towards them like a dog catching a scent. His eyes met James and he knew. “All nice and-”

“We need to go.” James’ voice was thick with panic. He looked towards the driver’s side in distress. Rufus immediately dropped his light attitude and nodded, nearly ripping the damn shift stick off the handle as they peeled out of the parking lot.

“What’s going on?” Rufus asked, his voice sounding almost hoarse. James glanced into the rear view as the man made his way into the shop they’d just left. 

“I know that guy.” RJ did a double take as James fought the urge to puke.

“What? How?” He asked in disbelief. James rested against the door as he tried to steady himself.

“The fuckin’ investigator my dad hir-” 

“The WHAT?” Rufus exclaimed. “Your dad did WHAT?”

“He got me declared his ward or somethin’ after he found out about this.” James couldn’t stop his voice from wavering a bit. His throat felt dry all of a sudden. “And that guy’s supposed to take me back to him or something- I dunno. I had some run in’s with him in the past but I thought I’d shook em’ a few states back.”

Rufus let out a groan. A string of curses shot out of his mouth as he glanced in the rearview.

“Hold on.” He grunted, swerving off the path they were on and starting down a backroad. James did a double take as he watched the road they’d used to get to town fade into the distance. Panic set in as Rufus gunned it.

“Rufus- I- I didn’t get him to come here.” James shot, his words coming out in a panicked jumble. “I didn’t try and get him to find me. I didn’t do this on purpose.” He was met with silence. RJ never made any acknowledgement to what he’d said. His eyes stayed glued to the road. 

“I mean- Like, why would I want to go back to him? What sense does that make? I didn’t do anything at the store, I haven’t tried to run- I don’t want to go back!” He exclaimed. The car finally started to slow down as they neared a ramshackled looking building; a ransom note of architecture. It would have looked completely abandoned if it hadn’t been for the neon sign looming over the entrance; Captain Spaulding’s Museum of Monsters and Madmen. The truck whipped into the parking lot and sped to the back of the building. 

“Get out.” Rufus’s voice was gruff as the truck rolled to a stop. James moved slow- the world was spinning as he shoved his door open. He couldn’t find his legs. When he tried to move, he stumbled; if Rufus hadn't been there to awkwardly catch him he would’ve been on the ground. James looked up, dazed.

“I’m sorry.” He could almost feel the pricks of tears in his eyes. He’d done so good and it was all going to end like this.

“Calm down.” Rufus grunted, leading him towards a backdoor. His lead, once again, wasn’t as aggressive as James was expecting. It still left him shaking; something that Rufus noticed. With a sigh he stopped, pulling him off to the side. He rubbed the back of his head as he tried to collect himself.

“Listen. I ain’t gonna kill you. You ain’t gonna die- at least, not from one of us.”

“Then why am I here?” James pleaded, voice breaking as he took in the scenery around him. The ice box, the dumpsters, the barrels... This looked like a place to dump a body. “You went another way and went down some sideroad to the bumfuck of nowhere just to-”

“-To get help from somebody who knows how to deal with these sorts a things.” Rufus finished. With a quick motion he moved his free hand towards James; James fidgeted in RJ’s hold and slammed his eyes shut. He knew it- this was it, this was the end. He braced himself for the worst.

Moments passed. He felt nothing at first- Then, slowly he felt Rufus rub the crook of his neck, working his fingers into the muscle in an awkward attempt at calming James. He opened his eyes in shock, looking up at RJ like he was a braindead idiot. “Ain’t got nothin’ to worry about. Spaulding’s a bit of a greaseball sometimes, but he ain’t gonna act up or try nothin’ if I’m here.” 

James nodded. RJ sighed as he nodded back, moving towards the door and shoving it open.

“CUTTER!” He called through the empty lobby. “WE GOT SOME TROUBLE.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE MORE THING. if you guys are enjoying this please comment and leave a kudos. i wont stop making this if you dont do that im not holding this hostage im just the worst person imaginable and i need constant validation in literally everything i do xoxo


	10. i ran out of fun chapter names anyone see that boneyard match between aj styles and the undertaker? that shit was so fun dude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mama has an existential crisis. im so sorry women i apologize i hated writing this because it made me sad :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway back to that boneyard match i thought it was really cool how the undertaker came out in his big evil biker gimmick again that was so fun. ill be honest i was watching it on a stream illegally because i have no money and it kept freezing every 5 seconds but like what i saw was fun. the noises everyone made all night were interesting when you take the crowd out of the equation it just sounds like someone filmed a porno in a wrestling ring. but when you think about it wrestlings pretty homo-erotic to begin with so wig
> 
> anyway this chapters sad :/

Mama sat watch the entire day.

She wasn’t nervous. She refused to entertain the idea that she could be; pushing any sort of negativity down as far as it could go. She trusted James. Mama thought she did, at least. The boy hadn’t given her any reason to not yet- of all the travelers that ended up within her walls, he was probably the one the kids had taken to the quickest. Hell,  _ Otis  _ of all people was the first one he got to like him!  _ Otis! _ And from what she could tell it was mutual. James almost seemed like a natural addition to the house by this point.

She supposed a month would do that to just about anyone, though. Mama felt a twinge of guilt about that; poor boy had no clue what day it was or nothin’. For everyone’s safety she’d kept him sheltered. Gave him free roam of the house but on a leash regardless. This was a necessary evil, she reasoned; if he got out and decided to run and tell someone, it could be messy. This was the easier solution for everyone involved. 

If she repeated it enough times, she might even believe it.

As the hours passed, the denial of that pit in her stomach got harder and harder to justify. By the time five hit, she was jittery. Six, she was starting to pace. By seven she was just about to rip her hair out. The sun was starting to set-  _ ain’t no damn reason to take this long, Rufus.’,  _ She thought angrily. Mama stewed in this as the last rays of the sun vanished over the horizon; another jolt of panic- something fresh. Something she hadn’t thought of yet.

What if RJ hurt James?

There wasn’t anyone with the two. If he came back with a story… There wouldn’t be anyone there to contradict. No. _No._ She shook her head; Rufus was angry- moody, a handful. But he wouldn’t do something that risky in public. He was just a little cautious, is all. 

Even if he hadn’t hurt James, though… What if he didn’t bond with him? What would happen then? Would he just linger around the rest of the family, bitter for the rest of their lives? Never able to come to terms with himself? And what about James? James wasn’t something they could just get rid of- hell, half the time they’d threatened him lately it was just that; a threat. Mama knew in her heart she could never actually do it. Not now- it seemed just plain  _ wrong.  _ Like killin’ a dog you named or something.

She waited. And waited. And waited.

Mama began to lose hope; something had happened. Something had to of. The kids had come in from whatever they were doing throughout the day; Otis had teased her, telling her she was stupid to worry. Baby had shrugged it off and gave a light, cheerful joke about killing RJ if he came back alone. And Tiny… 

Her gaze moved from the cup she’d been staring at for the past hour, into the living room where her middle child was awkwardly slumped on the couch. He’d been sitting there for hours. Tiny always had a way of knowing someone’s feelings; he wasn’t much for words, but sometimes a presence was enough. 

Through it all, she’d refused to outwardly show her panic. It would throw the entire house out of sorts if she did so. Mama was  _ mama,  _ after all, and if she panicked… then it’s bad.

But it  _ was  _ bad.

Mama sighed. It was getting later in the evening. The clock read 9:37. It wasn’t like it was late for anyone here by a long shot- the entire house was functionally nocturnal most days. But she had things to do. She was  _ mama,  _ and unless Otis wanted to start picking up the slack on the dishes or laundry then she would have to do it herself. It seemed… wrong, to do it while waiting. As if her moving from her spot would cause them to never come home. She knew, realistically, how silly that was. With an immense effort on her part she started to get to her feet, legs buzzing from the lack of circulation.

She took a single step before she paused again; A sound. Mama heard a sound. A creaking noise was coming from outside- the porch. Someone was on their porch. Normally, Mama was cautious about things like these; any of the kids would have a key if they didn’t just come in through the back. But her mind wasn’t thinking normally right now. With a manic sort of joy she made her way through the living room, face beaming in a bright smile as she reached the knob. Oh her boy- no,  _ boys,  _ she corrected. She turned the knob, some light maternal rib already on her lips as the cool night air slapped her in the face-

“-Evening, Ma’am.” 

Her heart sank. This wasn’t her kid. Mama didn’t have the willpower to mask her emotions; her smile fell, replaced by an oddly threatening glare as she looked the stranger over. He was dressed in the tackiest little business suit you could find in whatever clearance rack he’d found it on. He looked like he kissed ass for a living, a greasy little shitweasel who only cared about money. He gave Mama a tight smile as if he could  _ feel  _ her frustration.

“Not who you were expecting? I’m sorry…” He cooed. His voice was overly sweet; too formal, too  _ fake,  _ the kind of voice a car salesman has when he’s tryin’ to get you to buy a hot pile of shit. It felt artificial. It felt sticky. With a quick motion she shoved her weight against the door- she didn’t have time for any loitering conmen coming to her door tryin’ to sell her lord knows what. The man must have been used to this, because his foot jammed the wood before it could reach the frame.

“Hang on there! Just have a few questions I’d like to ask about a potential missing persons-”

“I don’t know nothin’ about that, honey.” Mama forced the lie to be as sickeningly-sweet as she could, hoping to clue him in that she wasn’t in the mood for whatever fresh fuckery he wanted to try. The man just laughed as he shook his head. He had an odd sort of gleam in his eyes; the kind someone gives when they got someone in their grip. 

“Well Ma’am, I hate to be rude, but the car stashed in your backyard begs to differ.”

What car? The kids hadn’t taken in anyone in at least a week, and she’d always got on them about junking anything of importance by the next day. What could have even been left over for them to-

She felt her stomach drop. James- His car. Rufus hadn’t trashed the car. The man’s chuckle was low and sounded  _ proud. _

“Now if I could just come in...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate men so much james and rj are just chillin at the clown cafe eating chicken and talking about this fucker while mamas thinking her son and his key out of the closet are dead and now a legal guys on her doorstep talking about something thats tied to her family. they are so selfish i hate them


	11. clown motel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james and rj start to brainstorm a solution for their problem with the help of a very special clown and his very special chicken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the very special clown thing made me laugh for like 5 minutes jesus christ. anyway uhh sorry were back on our fag shit with this chapter. its kinda getting close to the climax here folks and i really hope everyones liking it? i dunno i get kudos but i keep thinking this is all like completely incoherent cringe and it is but like, iw ant it to be enjoyable at least you know? anyway you guys watching wrestlemania? rhea ripley keeps overselling in this empty ass arena and its so fucking funny

“Keep your FUCKIN’ voice down!” Spaulding rattled from the back. Rufus shifted on his heels- his body basically covering James in it’s entirely. He could hear angry sounding grunting as a figure worked his way towards the front desk. James could see a partial view of him from behind Rufus and nearly did a double take- was he dressed… like a clown? 

“Could be somebody comin’ in with you yowlin’ like a cat that got its fuckin’ nuts whacked off! Then what happens?” His greasepaint covered face looked absolutely pissed. 

“We don’t have time for this shit old man.” Rufus huffed, rolling his eyes as Spaulding looked offended. With a dramatic flourish the back of his hand met his temple.

“Oh? Oh you do- You don’t have time?” He said, voice absolutely  _ dripping  _ with sarcasm. RJ groaned as the clown continued; “I’m so sorry son- didn’t realize I barged in on YOUR job and started shoutin’ while YOU was workin’! How fuckin’  _ inconsiderate  _ of me!” 

This shut RJ up. The room fell silent as Spaulding looked him over, daring him to try and say something back. Rufus shifted again awkwardly, moving a bit to the side- out from in front of James. Spaulding squinted like he’d just now noticed him.

“Who in the fresh fuck is that?” He exclaimed, pointing to James' rigid figure half hidden behind RJ’s bulk. “You brought some fuckin’ random kid round’ here while you’re tryin’ to talk business?” Rufus huffed; He took a glance back down at James before he turned back to Spaulding.

“He’s part of the reason we need-”

“Are you TRYIN’ to get us in trouble?” Spaulding interrupted, motioning towards James again dramatically. “You know I don’t do a lot of the dirty work no more! You want it done, do it yourself. Hell- give him to Otis! Weird little freak’s been on a mean streak lately.” The context of what he meant made James seize. RJ all but barreled towards the counter in a frustrated rage.

“He’s not the thing that needs to be dealt with!” He shouted, slamming his fist on the counter. Spaulding stopped his rambling; his eyes went wide. He looked like he was caught off guard by the outburst and opened his mouth to protest. Before he could say anything, Rufus raised a meaty palm. “If you would just let me finish.” He growled, glaring daggers at his stepfather.

Spaulding remained silent. 

“Now- Kid got his engine fucked while back. Walks up to the house, asks for help. Otis came down from his room and bashed em’ with a fuckin’ baking tray-”

“-Baking tray?” Spaulding cringed, throwing a glance at James. “Fuck!”

“Yeah, it was nasty. Busted right next to an artery; I dunno how he didn’t die.” Rufus shrugged casually. “Anyway. Ghost boy thinks he’s some kinda sign from the devil.” Spaulding looked unamused. 

“You’re fuckin’ me.” He said flatly.

“No.” Rufus shook his head. Spaulding rolled his eyes, shaking his head. With a sigh he turned his back to the two boys, rummaging around in a fridge for something.

“So lemme guess.” He started, voice muffled as he reached for something in the back. “Little shit went and got attention from somebody, let the cops know, and now you got the hogs sniffin’ around your house like its truffle season.”

“No.” Rufus said again. Spaulding went quiet.

“Then what happened?” He asked, popping his head out of the fridge and shutting the door with his ass. In his hands was a bucket of chicken.

“He ain’t the problem.” Rufus motioned towards James dismissively. “He’s actually fine. Your kid really likes em’-”

“She don’t like no men like that!” Spaulding shot, ripping a hunk of meat off the bone. Rufus resisted the urge to slap his head.

“ _ Not like that.”  _ Rufus groaned in frustration. “She likes em’ like a friend. Or a pet. I can’t really tell.” He shrugged. James didn’t even mind being called a pet; he was fixtated on the fact that the clown hadn’t even heated the drumsticks before he dug in. That was so gross.

“Mama’s attached too.” 

“Your Mama gets attached to any stray that walks onto your front porch.” Spaulding sat the bucket down and pointed towards the two, “Now come on! Let me see this fuckin’ thing.”

Rufus tossed a look back towards James; he seemed hesitant. Slowly, he moved to the side, leaving James exposed out in the open for the clown’s inspection. Spaulding’s eyes were critical; narrowing a bit as he leaned in closer.

“Think I know you.” He started slowly. His voice was low, cautious as he looked towards Rufus and the back to James. “Some guy came in couple days ago- business suit, bald head-”

“-Looked like he sucks shit out of a drain for a living?” James finished. Spaulding’s head snapped back to him quickly as he snorted.

“Yeah, exactly. Fuck, boy- that was funny. But he was askin’ bout’ you.” Spauling said, voice serious again as he pushed aside the bucket in front of him. “Showed off some old picture and tried givin’ me some bullshit-” He watched as James winced and took a step back apprehensively. Spaulding put a hand out, “And I told him to shove that up where the sun don’t shine.” 

James stopped. He’d been expecting something much different than that. Spaulding could tell and gave him a sympathetic look before continuing. 

“Did he see him somewhere?”

“In town.” Spaulding spat a string of curses under his breath.

“That’s great.” He huffed sarcastically. “Fan-fucking-tastic. Why was he even down there to begin with?” Rufus shrugged. Spaulding’s gaze fell on James, who’s eyes fell to the floor. 

“Mama wanted me to get a costume for tomorrow.” James started. Spaulding, again, looking unamused. Saying it out loud seemed so  _ stupid.  _ “It’s like some sort of tradition-”

“-I’m aware.” He growled. “Why was that the one she sent you with?” He motioned towards Rufus. James cringed again.

“I- I don’t really know?” He lied, horribly, voice cracking a little as he tried to put on a front. Spaulding’s eyes narrowed. Rufus, James thanked whatever god was still listening, stomped in frustration and finally took the reins.

“It doesn’t matter why. What matters now is that we gotta cover our asses case he decides to come up to the damn house.” 

“And killin’ him obviously ain’t an option.” Spaulding said with a sigh. He glanced at the pair- to RJ, then to James, lingering on them both for a long, long time. Finally, he motioned them back behind the counter. “Well fuck. That complicates things- follow me.”

Rufus took James by the arm again as they rushed after Spaulding.. The office seemed to be overflow for storage even more so than the back hallway was; various freaks and specimens floated in jars. Old signs were slumped against the flaking walls like they were nothing. The clown’s back was to the two of them, arms deep in some metallic chest behind his desk. As he turned back to face them James couldn’t help but flinch; one arm had a shotgun awkwardly nestled within it, and the other hand had a wooden bat.

“This one’s for you.” He started, handing the shotgun to Rufus. “I know you usually have somethin’ on you, but probably not somethin’ this trustworthy. Never say I don’t do nothin’ for ya.” He jabbed a finger into his chest lightheartedly. Rufus didn’t seem to have much of a reaction- if anything, he looked annoyed. “And you-” He turned to James and handed him the bat. “I don’t know you. I ain’t given you one of my guns- but since my kid likes you I wanna try and keep you alive.” 

James turned the bat over in his hands to inspect it. Judging by some of the smudges against the grain it’d been used for defense in the past. And by the looks of some of the splatters- much brighter than the others- fairly recently.

“Hope I don’t gotta explain how to work it.” Spaulding joked with a laugh. James didn’t reply at first, too busy looking everything over to even register he’d spoken. By the time he looked up Spaulding was inspecting him like he’d had half a brain. “You swing it.” He said slowly, miming himself taking a swing. James nodded, obliviously.

“...Alright. So here’s the plan-” Spaulding continued, looking at James warily before shaking his head. “You take him back home, get him somewhere that can’t be seen from the outside. You deny any connection with him if they question you.” He warned, pointing his finger at Rufus’s again. “Let Baby do the talkin’. Her and Gloria-”

“-Gloria?” James asked. 

“-Mama,” Spaulding corrected with a roll of his eyes, “Her and  _ Mama  _ can do the bulk of the talkin’. Nothin’ against you son, but I feel like I could get a better conversation outta Tiny if I wanted too.” Rufus simply nodded in agreement. 

“I’ll be there later- I need to wrap some things up here before I close for the night. Just keep the place in one piece until I can get there. Now go- Get your big ass out of my office!” He swatted at Rufus dismissively. RJ started to make his way towards the door and James followed suit.

“Uh uh!” Spaulding hollered. “Park your ass in this seat young man. You and me’s gotta have a conversation.” 

Both James and RJ froze. James looked up towards Rufus in fear as Spaulding grunted;

“I ain’t gonna do nothin’ to em’!” He cried. “Fuck, just wanna ask him a few things is all. Look, you go out there and wait in the lobby and his ass ain’t outta here in five minutes you can go and kick that door in. That fair?” 

RJ looked uncertain. He glanced down towards James apologetically before facing Spaulding and giving him a nod. The clown smiled, nodding his head with a wave.

“Then get your oversized ass outta my office! And don’t you slam that-”

Rufus turned quickly and slammed the door behind him. James jumped at the noise- staring at the door in a numb sort of shock. He was alone; or the problem was, he  _ wasn’t.  _ Turning on his heels, he came face to face with the impatient clown. He was drumming his fingers on his desk; with a flourish, he motioned towards the empty seat in front of him. James felt robotic as he made his way over, plopping down in the seat as Spauling forced a smile.

“Now.” Spaulding started, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know how the fuck this happened. I dunno what kinda fate bullshit this is to get you wrapped around everybody’s damn fingers like this- but the family likes you. My kid likes you enough not to get bored with you an hour after she started to fuck with ya- and that’s damn near impossible. So I’m gonna work with y’all here and try an’ save your ass like I would them.” James didn’t know what to say; genuinely, he wasn’t used to this kind of consideration. This must have been obvious to Spaulding; he leaned in towards James, lowering his voice a bit as he eyed the door.

“That guy that came here pokin’ in my business had a picture he tried showin’ me.” James felt his stomach flip. His eyes went wide as he scooted his chair back- Spaulding, ever the empathy, put his hands in front of him in a show of surrender. “Which is why I wanted to talk to you privately, son. Do they know about... “ He made an awkward gesture with his hands.

“Yeah.” James nodded. “I mean, Baby and Otis do. That’s why Otis wanted to keep me. Said I was like a Baphomet.” Spaulding scoffed.

“I put one fuckin’ poster of that goat up and he’s obsessed.” He shook his head. “But regardless, kid- fuck, what do you wanna be called? Cause I doubt it’s what that pencil neck freak tried tellin’ me.”

“James.” 

“James…” He nodded, “Anyway. The reason I bring all this up; I don’t know how much all of them know about this. Or how much they understand; hell, I don’t supposed I get much of it myself.”He admitted. “But- I- Shit.” He swore, shaking his head. “Look. I got a whole image to keep up here, so I don’t want you runnin’ back to all them and blabbin’ about none of this.” James nodded quickly. Spaulding pinched the bridge of his nose as he gathered his thoughts.

“Just ain’t right!” He finally spat. “What they’re tryin’ to do with you! That piece of shit was spinnin’ a whole fuckin’ yarn about how you’re some unstable psychopath whos gonna kill em’self or something. You look real fuckin’ normal to me! Hell, the fuckin’ picture he showed me looked like one they took of a hostage or some shit! Ain’t nothin’ behind them eyes- part of the reason it took me a second to recognize you. But now? You look like an actual damn person.”

James was stunned. He sat in his seat, unable to think of what to say to that. He felt something odd in his chest. Spaulding said something under his breath and scrambled, causing him to jump- only to see a wad of tissues being extended towards him. He blinked; it took that to realize he’d started crying.

“Fuck, kid. Didn’t mean to make you cry- mop that shit up before the Broodin’ Wonder out there sees it.” He slurred, shoving the blob towards him. The tissues were caked with stray splotches of grease paint. Awkwardly, he dabbed at his eyes, trying to avoid getting the residue in his eyes as Spaulding continued.

“Regardless of all that shit they’re tryin’ to do to you; None of that matters. I mean it does, cause’ they’re hurtin’ you, and that ain’t right at all. But thats why it  _ don’t  _ matter; if they can’t let you live, then they don’t need to be here while you live. The blood you’re born with don’t mean shit. Sometimes the blood you find out there is better than that.”

James sniffled. Spaulding stared at him expectantly.

“You do know what I mean, right?” Nothing. Spaulding sighed, “I’m talkin’ about the fuckin’ family, kid! They can be better for you than your daddy and his overdress trackin’ hound! Sometimes, the best family’s the one you find.”

“Technically they kidnapped me.” James pointed out with a hiccup. Spaulding shrugged, waving his hand dismissively.

“There ain’t no real difference.” He grunted. He looked towards the clock beside him and swore, standing and motioning for James to do the same. “Now that we had that little chat, get your ass outta my office before I gotta pay for a new door. Lay low until I can make my way up there and we can get a real plan.” Spaulding rushed, herding James towards the door. 

“Aren’t you gonna tell me to be safe or protect myself-”

“-I ain’t worried about that. You that big brick out there would let anythin’ happen to you? Fuck, boy’s on you like flies on shit.” James coughed awkwardly, hurrying himself towards the door. “Yeah no, don’t think I don’t know what she’s doin’.” Spaulding shouted after him as he turned the knob “‘Oh I dunno’ my fat fuckin’ ass! She knows damn well what she was tryin’ to do-”

James threw the door open and all but ran into the lobby; without looking, he skidded right into a solid wall of flesh. James staggered, falling back awkawrdly only to be steadied by two large hands on his sides.

“You ok?” Rufus’s voice was a concerned, confused rumble. “Why’s your eyes all red? That fucker say somethin’ to you?” He demanded, glaring a hole through the closed door. James blinked, dazed.

“Rufus- no, I’m fine. It’s ok.” James assured him, sighing as he watched the bigger man shift in agitation. “We need to get home.” He tugged on the side of his flannel, motioning towards the side door.

“Yeah.” Rufus agreed, “But if he-”

“-He didn’t do anything.” James reiterated, tugging on his shirt with more force. “We need to go.”

RJ lingered, looking towards the door and then back to James before sighing. He relented, pushing himself in front of James and taking the lead as they passed the front door.

“Why is that locked?” James asked, observing the multitude of locks in place over the entrance. “Was it locked when we got here?”

“Nope.” RJ grunted, turning sideways as he made his way through the cramped hallway. James had failed to notice that he’d once again taken his hand as they walked.

“Then when did it get like that?” Rufus shrugged as he popped free of the clutter.

“Dunno. Probably when I threw those two guys out a few seconds ago.”

“You what?” James exclaimed. He stopped mid step, sandbagging behind RJ. The fucker had the audacity to crack a smile. “RJ! That isn’t funny!”

“Oh will you calm down- I didn’t hurt them none!” He said with a roll of his eyes. “They came at ME, holdin’ guns and tryin’ to shoot this place up and rob it- The minute I came towards em’ they both bolted like fuckin’ pussies. I only had actually to toss one of em out cause he was too slow.” RJ shoved the side door open and held it for James.

“I’m not worried about them!” James shot, wiggling his way between the wall and RJ as he made his way outside. “They had guns! They coulda shot you!” RJ scoffed as the neared the car. With a click he opened the passenger door and helped James into the cab.

“They couldn’t do shit.” He slammed the door before James could say anything back. Not like that stopped him; he could hear his angry screaming from the outside. By the time he opened his door James was  _ livid. _ “One of them had a fuckin’ monkey mask on. You think they know how to work a damn gun?” He offered weakly in defense.

“A broken clock’s right twice a day RJ.” James seethed. RJ shoved the keys into the ignition with a sigh.

“And I’m tall.” He joked again. James looked unimpressed. Tough crowd tonight. The truck didn’t move; Rufus didn’t feel like driving with James in the passenger’s seat, blind with rage. He cracked a grim as he looked to his right with caution.

“Wanna know what I just noticed?” RJ asked as he put the truck in reverse. James said nothing, staring him down with the same glare he’d had for the past few minutes. “You called me RJ.”

“What?” James shot. Rufus nodded.

“You.. Called me RJ.” 

“That’s your name.” James said simply.

“You ain’t done that before now though.” He offered with a shrug as the car pulled onto the sideroad they’d taken.

“Yeah? You got a problem with me doing that or something? Or you just wanna keep deflecting what you just pulled back there?” James said. RJ stole another glance at his right; James now had his arms crossed. He had to laugh.

“What!” James hissed. “What the fuck’s your problem?”

“-I don’t got a problem. I like it a lot, actually.” RJ smirked. “I mean, the whole you callin’ me RJ thing. Feels all personal y’know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said sorry if this all flows weird- its kind of a longer chapter and i meant to split it originally but couldn't find a good way to break it up. next chapter is when we get to the creamy center of this cadbury egg of a fic. 
> 
> wait. do you guys like the og cream ones? i feel like the caramel ones are the best. like on god those shits are next level. 10/10 candy but i used to be big on the og ones id eat one a day deadass. its why im fat now i think :/


	12. get his ass. GET HIS ASS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mama has a chat with a guest
> 
> another big tw in this chapter for misgendering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is another short one i keep wanting to pump out one really big chapter but alas my brain has holes in it like one of those witches stones you find in a lake and therefore i cant do anything coherent ever

“Now miss…” Marcus sighed, looking around the dining room in exasperation. He’d been here for roughly 30 minutes and the woman hadn’t budged an inch. He’d insisted, almost  _ begged _ her to share any important information she knew. He knew she had to know something. There was no way she didn’t; the car was here. Given the nature of this case, and the fact that she seemed like such a well meaning woman… It was important to him that he find this little shit before she could hurt her.

“Firefly.” Mama said with a smile.

“...Firefly.” Marcus gave a curt nod as he scribbled something in his notepad. She wasn’t even giving him her real name. As frustrating as this entire experience was turning out to be, the one silver lining he could find was that his subject had to be close. Why else would he be lied too? He could almost taste it… And if he had to suck up some bullshit to get there, then so be it. 

“A car that’s tied to a missing person doesn’t just miraculously show up in someone’s backyard. Surely you agree with me on this.” He used his best people-pleaser voice as he tried to appeal to the woman. Her eyes looked over him critically before she gave a slow, cautious nod. “Good! We can agree on that then. Can you tell me what exactly led to it being stashed in the field behind your house?”

“Well…” Mama started with a deep breath. She looked to the ceiling and smiled. Marcus took note of this anxiety. “I supposed it might be tied to one of my boys… His name’s Rufus. He runs a tow truck company with a few of the people in town-”

“And so he goes around taking random, suspect cars and stashes them in your backyard?” Marcus asked. Mama shook her head quickly. _. _

“No! No, not at all; see, he was drivin’ home the other night and had to make a stop at a gas station down the road. The man who runs it, well he’s an old family friend; used to be all sweet on me…” Mama rambled with a laugh, taking a sip from her mug. “Oh look at me ramblin’-”

“-What does the man have to do with this.” Marcus spat in frustration. Mama stiffened and he almost winced he hadn’t meant to be this direct so early. He needed to take this slower. His eyes fell on his notepad, writing down the bit about the gas station before turning back to the woman. 

“If you would be so  _ kind  _ to let me finish.” She said, voice sickeningly sweet. Marcus jumped; her body language had changed, morphed to one reminiscent of a cornered predator instead of the hysterical woman she’d been moments before. His mind raced; this would make him change his entire course of action. 

“My boy is just so talented that this friend stopped em’- said he’d saw an old car that’d been stashed in a ditch for days now! My boy, so kind, so  _ considerate _ , agreed to tow it back to the shop.” She flashed Marcus a smile as he twitched; it was wide, too wide, showed too much teeth to be genuine. 

“Is the shop run off your property?” He stuttered. He felt like a rabbit about to be taken by a hawk.

“No! No, silly!” She laughed with a shake of her head.” Off our land? That’s so silly! He dropped it here and the next day we had us a little family emergency; ain’t been able to take it to town since.” Marcus didn’t believe any of this for a second. He needed to be careful in how he handled this situation; this woman seemed volatile. 

“So it’s just been… sitting here. For a few days. Without being dealt with properly.” He watched her nod as if that excused any of this. With another sigh he rubbed his temple. “There are proper avenues for handling things like this that you could have done-”

“-And we would have, had we had the chance.” Mama finished. She seemed to relish in the change of control she’d invoked over the conversation. 

“You could have called the police!” Marcus exclaimed, finally feeling the last bits of patience erode away against his fear. Mama’s composure never changed; not even a single flinch as he bashed his hands on the kitchen table angrily- like a kid throwing a fit.

“With what phone? We don’t have one out here, son. Got no reason to have any- ain’t got nobody to talk to!” Mama watched him seethe. With a quick moton she reached over the table; hand finding his suit pocket and fishing around.

“The fuck-” He didn’t even have time to finish as her hand withdrew with a single cigarette. With a quick flick of a lighter she puffed, sending smoke right into his face with a smirk.

“Just a waste of time and money in my humble lil’ opinion.” She leaned back in her chair and watched Marcus; his eyes were watering. His composure slipped even more as he’d finally fuckking had it. 

“I’m going to be completely honest with you ma’am.” His voice was low, but remarkably calm given that his face had turned the same shade as wine. “When your son is home, I’m going to question him. Then, I’m going straight to the local sheriff’s department and presenting them with the evidence of what I’ve found here. When they’re done, I’ll come back and have a look over your property. With a warrant.”

“There's no need for that.” Mama insisted, glaring at him from across the table. Marcus let out a huff, nostrils flaring.

“I’m afraid there is a need! You want to hide a stolen vehicle on your property? And not expect any consequences for your actions?” He exclaimed, pounding another fist on the table. One of the knick-knacks on the edge fell to the ground with a clatter. Mama watched it roll towards the living room.

“I’ll be damned if I let that slide. I don’t know what else you’re hiding here, miss, but I’m only focused on my case. I’m here to retrieve some nutjob brat that ran away from her dad cause’ she thinks she's somebody she ain’t, and this has gone on FAR too long-” Mama finally had enough.

“-Over my dead body are you comin’ into MY house-” She snarled, jabbing a finger towards him.

“Nobody here has to die! That’s just it! If you just cooperate I’ll take my client’s assets back with me-”

“HE AIN’T NOBODY’S FUCKIN’ ASSET!” Mama roared. The room fell silent as she shook with pure fury. It took a moment for it to click in her head what she’d just said. Slowly, the realization dawned on her and her face fell. Marcus had a look of satisfaction; his shit eating grin was open like he was about to say something smart. The sound of crunching gravel took them both out of their feud. They both turned their heads towards the window and watched as headlights momentarily threw the entire room into a bright glow.

“Well look at that! Seem’s like somebody’s home!” Marcus sounded  _ elated _ . With a shove he stood from his seat. He started towards the door and had nearly made it to the living room before a click made him stop. His head swiveled as he was met with Mama brandishing a pistol.

“Sit your ass back down in that seat.” Mama hissed. Her pistol never wavered. Neither did her glare. Marcus stumbled; he hadn’t expected her to have a firearm. Slowly, he put his arms above his head and made his way back to the table. With a plop he sat staring at the woman in front of him in fear. Mama had her cigarette in one hand, the gun in the other.

“Raise your voice like that one more fuckin’ time in my house we’ll see which one of these lets off the most smoke.” She hissed. He didn’t have time to register the threat; a loud, cacophonous laugh rang from the top of the stairs. 

“Oh you pissed her off now!” Baby sang, practically skipping down the stairs and around the table. She eyed Marcus the entire time; There wasn’t any sympathy there. Any pity. He felt like he was the last scraps of waste being circled by a vulture. “I dunno what you did but she never whips that out less she's bouta’ use it!” She cackled again, jumping to a stop right behind him.

“Baby, honey, how about you go and unlock the backdoor. Your brother’s home.” Her tone was neutral now; completely emotionless. Baby sucked in some air like she was about to laugh again- Mama’s stern look was all the warning she needed to stop. Baby simply nodded her head obediently and skipped towards the back door.

“Fuck kinda shit she on to be actin’ like-” Marcus’s sentence was cut with a smack to his cheek. His vision swam as the cool sensation of metal to his skin left a sting. When he finally blinked enough of the pain out to see again he was met with the cruel, unforgiving face of Mama.

“You don’t TALK about my Baby like that!” Mama roared, raising her pistol for another blow to the same spot. The investigator’s head bobbed awkwardly as he reeled; his eyes looked cloudy. His pupils were too big. A trickle of red leaked from the corner of his mouth. “Comin’ in here..” She started, huffing, “Threatenin’ MY kids, MY house, MY BABIES-”

“I can see why you don’t wanna give her up.” Marcus wheezed as he hacked up a glob of blood. “Fit right in with the rest of the fuckin’ whackjobs you popped out.”

She went for a third blow; As her gun got close Marcus lunged. His hand caught hers. With a yell Mama wrestled him for it, knocking her onto the table in the process. She bit his arm as he tried to put her in a sort of chokehold, causing him to yelp in pain and stumble back. Marcus rebounded with a roar; lingering above her sadistically before finally going for her head. He beat down on Mama, striking as many times as he could before her grip on the gun finally laxed. By that point, he didn’t have to do much; just a quick grab and it was his.

He stood, panting over the bloody scene in front of him. Truth be told, he assumed he didn’t have to go as hard as he had. Poor woman seemed to have some sort of concussion; her face looked dazed, and she stared at him in a disoriented way. He almost felt bad… But the sting in his cheek quickly dealt with that. He clicked the safety off and readied himself. Marcus didn’t like killing- it made everything so much messier. But he could easily plead this down when the cops showed up. Prove it was necessary.

“What the fuck are you doing to her!?” 

His head swiveled; there, in the doorway, stood his target in all her fuckin’ glory. Her face was contorted in disgust, eyes practically burning with hatred as he pointed the gun towards the downed woman. Marcus’s only regret was that he couldn’t see the frown her mouth was making behind her beard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET HIS ASS. GET HIS ASS.
> 
> sorry if theres any weird typos this chapter i was writing it while my asshole stinky loser cat was hvoering RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING KEYBOARD YOUR LOOKING RIGHT AT THE SCREEN AS I TYPE THIS . HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN. HORRIBE.


	13. beat that ass. BEAT THAT ASS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok cut the bullshit this the chapter where they handle his ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always feel so bad whenever i go into detail about mama being hurt.. like cringe it makes me wanna cry :( 
> 
> https://www.anyprices.com/images/products/c31b06c589224c9ffc81f282d109cc2831caf06a/diary-of-a-wimpy-kid-im-sorry-women-embroidered-velcro-closure-youth-hat-370x247.jpg

“Put the fuckin’ gun down.” 

The room was at a standstill. Baby and Rufus towered behind James, both primed for action. James and Marcus were at a standstill; their attention never broke from each other. When James finally did, it was only to throw a concerned glance at Mama’s bloodied face. Marcus noticed this; the gun in his hands twitched, waggling awkwardly as he brandished towards their matriarch.

“What’s a matter, hun? Don’t like when the woman you conned into hiding your runaway ass gets roughed up? If she would’ve just turned you over then you could’ve avoided this. Really, It’s your fault-”

“-N- not is’-” Mama tried weakly.

“Shut UP!” Marcus roared, turning back and brandishing the gun at Mama dangerously close to her face. James seethed. Mama winced at first- the tip of the gun was all but pressed into her head- but this soon gave way to a crooked, bloodied smile. Marcus made an annoyed noise as he looked ready to hit her again.

“You done roughin’ that woman up yet?” James hissed, stepping forward. “Big man needs to beat her around just to make a point when she ain’t even the one you’re after I am.” Marcus sucked in air, pivoting on his heels and shaking his head.

“Whore beat me around with a fucking pistol. She deserves every single thing I did to her.” James could practically  _ feel  _ the anger radiate from the two behind him. “And besides- you keep causing me problems tonight she isn’t going to be the only woman who gets beat.

“You lay a hand on Baby I’ll beat your ass.” James snarled. Marcus started to laugh- a hand ran through his patchy hair as he shook his head.

“Y- you still… Are keeping this up? Really?” He exclaimed. “Incredible. Genuinely, the depths of your mental illness are astounding. I’m not talking about ‘Baby’, kid. I’m talking about  _ you. You  _ are the woman I’m about to shove my boot up the ass of! You made me go on a cross country goose chase to drag your ungrateful little brat ass back home, and for what? So you can go and- and what? Mutilate yourself?”

“I didn’t mutilate myself.” James growled. Marcus rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t? What do you call this then, huh?” With a quick motion he grabbed for James’s. James fought, shouting as the man wrestled with the shirt over his chest. With a tug he worked it over his head and tossed it over his shoulder. He poked at the faded lines under his pecs and sneered.

“Look at this. Fucking disgusting-” Marcus stopped as Baby and Rufus started towards them. His hold on the gun once again straightened towards Mama almost tauntingly. “Don’t. Don’t you fuckin’ dare. None of you are trying ANYTHING.”

“Let our Mama go.” Baby’s voice was cold, and her eyes were filled with nothing but hatred. “And let him go too.”

“She’ll be let go when I leave.” Marcus started, taking a step back towards the living room. “As for her, she ain’t going nowhere. Her dad wants her back-”

“He ain’t a she!” Baby spat. Marcus rolled his eyes apathetically.

“This is why you people are such a danger….” He rattled melodramatically. James looked behind Baby- to RJ. His eyes were wide as he jerked his head right. James was confused, at first, before the arm he was motioning towards twitched. He looked down and saw it- the bat Spaulding had left him.

“You sit here, enabling this psychotic behavior. And if that wasn’t bad enough you all act on it!” Marcus exclaimed. RJ’s hand moved closer to the ground, slowly, before he sat the bat on the floor. Baby seemed to sense what he was doing- she moved to the left slightly, never taking her eyes off Marcus. “That old cunt beat the shit out of me-”

“-you deserved it.” Mama rasped from her seat. Marcus twitched, turning back towards the table in a rage. Everything happened in a flash- RJ kicked the bat towards James, who managed to squirm out of Marcus’s grasp long enough to make a grab for it.

“The fuck-”

Marcus couldn’t finish. James rose quickly, taking his stance before sending the bat clean against the side of Marcus’s head. He flew back onto the table, landing with a thud that sent various knick-knacks scattering. James watched with wide eyes as he scrambled in a haze.

“Y- you fucking bitch-” He mumbled; his eyes almost seemed cloudy, like he didn’t know where he was. James looked behind him, back to the stil-wilted figure of Mama, and fucking  _ snapped. _

With a roar he moved; the bat was raised again, this time over his head, and brought down against the tip of center of his head. Marcus’s head lolled to the side lazily. His body shook as he tried to cough- blood and phlegm mixing together as it came out in gooey blobs. James shook as he looked over his handiwork; the fucker’s eyes were still wide, fixed on him as he weakly reached for the pistol he’d dropped. Another whack- this one to the side that was exposed to him. This one caused the fucker to start twitching, convulsing on the head of the table as his body seized.

“James- Leave him alive.” James stepped back; RJ was looming above him, and before he knew it the bat was taken from his hands. RJ quickly removed himself; giving James space. He shook, violently, as he looked over the bloodied pulp that he caused. 

“His face- Does it look like hers?” James’s voice was a dry rasp. Baby and RJ looked confused. “Mama’s face- does his look like hers.” James asked hastily, motioning towards the table. The two behind him shared a look.

“Well… Think you shattered most of his nose…” Baby started, moving in towards the pulp that was allegedly a face. She moved his head- inciting a shriek of agony from the man below her. She clicked her tongue as she opened Marcus’s mouth. 

“Fuck- brother, you knocked most of his teeth out! That’s nuts! Is this your first time?” Baby asked eagerly, like she was looking at someone’s art project. When James shook his head yes she beamed.

“See? What was I tellin’ you RJ? He’s gonna be a pro at this!” A low throat clearing noise made them all look to the stairs. Otis was leaning against the railing, dramatically looking over the scene below him.  He clutched what looked like a rusted saw in his hands, and looked like an ugly mixture of rage and pride. The house was deathly silent; James couldn’t help but take a step back on instinct. 

“Leave any leftovers for me?” His voice was like sandpaper; rough and brutal as he made his way down. His knuckles around the saw were white; a deathgrip. 

“Otis, were you up there the whole fuckin’ time!?” Baby ran to meet him as he made his way off the last step. “The fuck were you even doing!” Otis seethed a bit, never taking his eyes off the bloodied lump on the table..

“Well, I was just waitin’ the situation out to see what James would do. This was his big moment to earn his spot in the family, and I didn’t wanna go takin it from him- FUCK-” Otis growled as Baby grabbed his cheeks, pinching them away from his skull. 

“DROOL! You’ve got fucking drool all over your cheeks! You were sleeping like a goddamn log you asshole!” Otis wrestled himself away from her with a glare.

“Well fuck, maybe I was- Maybe I crashed after doin’  _ MY  _ part of the fuckin’ holiday planning!” He shot angrily. “Maybe if you hadn’t been dickin’ around all fuckin’ day doin’ god knows what-”

“I was  _ trying  _ to get ready to bring people in!” She spat. “But that isn’t the point you dick! Mama coulda’ got her fuckin’ noggin busted in if we hadn’t done something-”

“-You think I’m not aware of that?” He argued, motioning towards the table. “I wake up to a bunch of screechin’ like we’re livin’ in a fucking nutbin and come down an see my Mama all fucked up- I feel-”

“Like shit? You should!” Baby hissed. She looked like she wasn’t done; if anything, she looked ready to smack the shit out of her brother. Before she could, a low, wet-sounding wheeze ripped everyone’s attention back to the table.

“Baby... leave him alone.” Mama rasped, steadying herself and sitting upright for the first time since Marcus had gone down.. She swayed to one side awkwardly, catching herself on the side of the table before she could fall completely. Immediately, all four of them stopped what they were doing and rushed to her aid. 

“RJ… Tie him up.” She muttered, motioning her head towards the limp body still sprawled on the table. Rufus nodded- leaving the group to look for some rope. 

“Go get her something for her head.” Baby ordered Otis. “I’ll get a rag to clean her up.”

“What about me?” James asked. Baby was already on her way towards their basement; her head jerked back as she started down the steps.

“Just stay with her and make sure she doesn’t fall asleep!”

James watched her disappear into the depths of the home. Anxiously, he turned his attention back to the woman next to him. A blood vessel had burst in one of her eyes. One pupil was bigger than the other. James wasn’t that good at hiding his feelings; he was almost positive his fear over this was clear as day. Mama offered a smile, bringing a hand to his cheek as she tried to pick off a little splotch of blood.

“You did a number on him, huh?” She asked gently. James nodded, swallowing roughly as he tried to calm down.

“He beat you up-” He started. Mama hushed him.

“-Oh this? This is nothin’.” She cooed. Her hand was shaking a bit as she tried to pat James on the shoulder. “You shoulda seen some of the stuff I’ve walked away from. Some of my ol’ Johns would use me like a fuckin’ trainin’ bag some days. You get tough.”

James cringed at the mental image. 

“I just couldn’t fuckin’ stand it.” He snarled. “The way he was talkin’ about you, and the way he beat you up and threatened you- I never been a violent person before.” James insisted, shaking a little as he thought about the scene. “But- but I couldn’t just sit there an-”

“Shhh…” Mama cooed, bringing him in towards her chest and into a tight hug. It was over after that; James didn’t realize how much emotion he’d been holding in until now. The minute he hit her chest he started sobbing. He felt her hands run through his hair- messy, wet in some places with blood and gore. “It’s ok… You dealt with him now. He ain’t gonna hurt you no more.” She pat the back of James' head as she rocked him.

“But he hurt  _ you!”  _ James cried in between hiccups. Mama shook her head.

“I’ll live though! You’d be shocked at what you can bounce back from when you try hard ‘nough. The important thing to remember…” She started, cupping James’s chin and bringing his attention towards the table. “Is that fucker ain’t.” 

“Wh- what do you wanna do to em’? Since they told me to stop?” James asked. The total lack of nerve when he asked about  _ killing  _ someone would have made him hysterical a week ago. Now? It just seemed to make sense.

“Well…” Mama started, taking a deep breath and pulling herself up more. She motioned towards the chair next to her and James took his spot. “We have ourselves a little tradition we do each halloween- see, we believe in somethin’ you might think’s silly.” She warned. When James didn’t even flinch she smiled. “We like to honor our… Shit, what’s the word- Patron?” She asked. James squinted a bit, thinking about the context before nodding.

“Well, yeah- we like to honor him once a year with at least one fresh body for him to do his biddin’ with. There’s a man- dunno if you’ve heard of em’ yet, a little bit a local celebrity round’ here. His name’s Doctor Satan!” 

“I- don’t think I’ve heard of him?” James said with a sniffle. Mama just nodded, handing him a tissue with her free hand before continuing.

“I didn’t think you woulda’! It’s rare that somebody actually knows him if they don’t live around here. Anyway’s- we like to give him an offerin’ once a year or so to make sure he’s all happy down there.” Mama motioned towards the floor. James followed her hand and stared at the floorboards.

“In hell?” James asked tentatively.

“No silly… In the tunnels under this house!” She waved him off like this was the simplest thing in the world. This wasn’t the best idea- Mama winced immediately after and she swayed a bit in her seat. James shoved his chair back and put a hand to her back to help her stabilize.

“Take it easy Mama..” He coaxed, watching her settle down as the wave of vertigo passed. When she was out of the worst of it she looked to him, dilated pupils reflecting his own look of concern.

“Such a good boy…” Mama cooed as she reached out to pat his shoulder. “I’m so glad Otis didn’t gut you like he was plannin’.” Before James could say anything in response- if he could even  _ think  _ of how to respond to that- Baby thudded her way up the steps, rounding the corner with some rags and a bucket of water.

“Mama- I got some stuff that should help.” She dropped everything on the table.

“Where do you want me?” James asked again, immediately ready for action as he moved out of Baby’s way.

“Open that bottle of peroxide and get some on a rag- Not a whole lot, but ‘nough to get it damp.” Baby instructed as she hovered over her mom. James nodded and got to work. He heard Mama let out a grunt of pain as Baby dabbed away the blood on her forehead and he winced. When she’d gotten it just a bit more presentable she waved James over and snatched the rag out of his hands. 

“This is gonna hurt.” Baby warned. Mama just nodded.

“Been takin’ licks like this since before you was even a sperm in your daddy’s balls, kid.” She joked weakly. Baby cracked a smile and put the rag to a gash on her forehead. “Son of a fuckin’ whore!” Mama spat immediately. James jumped back as Mama winced; and knocked right into RJ.

“Slow down.” RJ’s voice was gentle, for him at least, as he steadied James with a hand to his shoulder. “Help me get em’ tied up.” He jerked his head towards the body slumped to their right. By now, Marcus had started to stir; his speech came in low, inintelligible grunts as he tried to rationalize where he was.

“Is he- like, gone? In the head?” James asked, shoving Marcus onto his side to a loud wail. 

“Nah. Shouldn’t be at least- think he’s just a little dazed’s all.” RJ looped a bit of rope around Marcus’s hands. “Honestly a lil’ shocked- you went right for his damn head with that bat. It weren’t wooden his skull’d be caved in.”

“Yeah? Is that why you let me go a few times before you stopped me?”

“Yeah.” RJ said with a nod. He worked the rope around the body now; his movements were so deliberate. He’d basically taken over, doing most of the work as the body was cocooned in a layer of hemp. “Wanted to let you get your shit in before we called you off. Fucker deserved it.” 

“Yeah.” James agreed. “I was more pissed about Mama.” 

The two stopped as Otis came back with some more rags and a few bags of frozen peas. He layered the peas in cloth before helping Baby put them against Mama’s head. 

“Oh so was I.” RJ insisted, pulling on the ropes and making the bloodied heap under them gurgle again. “Trust me. I wanted to bash the fucker’s brains in there for that.” 

He finally stopped. Marcus looked like the prey of a spider, wrapped in silk and ready for death. RJ stood, looming over Marcus’s bloodied figure as he admired his handiwork. 

“You did good.” RJ’s voice sounded sincere. “Like Baby said- this is real good for a first time.”

“I dunno how I feel about making a habit of this.” James admitted hesitantly, looking at the bigger man as if he expected some resistance. Much to his surprise, RJ nodded.

“Y’know, you don’t have to do it every day. I don’t really do much of it myself- neither does Tiny. We just kinda clean up what’s left and work with what we wanna keep.”

“Like the meat?” James asked.

“Like the meat.” RJ agreed. 

“You do a pretty good job on that, too.” James offered awkwardly, looking back towards Mama behind them. “I feel like I haven’t really told you that yet.” RJ grunted his thanks, hoisting the figure before them over his shoulder like he was a bag of potatoes.

“Thanks.” He said with a smile. He lingered for a moment, like he wanted to say something else, before turning away abruptly and starting towards the basement. James watched him descend- before another yelp of pain ripped his attention back to the issue at hand.

“How’s she doin’?” He asked, taking a spot next to Baby. 

“She’ll be fine.” Baby sighed without looking away from Mama. She dabbed another soaked rag against her skin. “Think she’s just a little tired’s all. Once she get’s some rest she’ll be fine and ready for tomorrow night.”

“What all… Are we doin’ tomorrow night?” James asked slowly. Otis let out a laugh to his right, slapping him on the back playfully.

“Tomorrow night… Well fuck, brother, you’re gettin’ properly inducted into this clan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes you meet a woman who has kids and treats you nicely and you go ok well i die for you. and thats just gay culture.


	14. if you want to read about this fucker burning alive you must first grapple with the mortifying ordeal of me being a fag on main

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james has to get ready for his big night- but will someone's shenanigans throw off his rhythm? will marcus manage to escape? is mama actually ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so you ever start cheesin' real hard when you write something sappy just getting the mental image of it happening and like, its cringe and you cringe just a little but but instead of frowning your smiling? like smile cringe? i did that this chapter and i kind of hate myself for it

The entire day had been moving in a blur.

James had started the day being yanked between Otis and Baby. Baby had begged James to let her help do his makeup for tonight’s festivities- the specifics of which he still didn’t understand. He’d agreed. They hadn’t even gathered their supplies before Otis burst into the room. He was angry, screeching up a storm about how he reserved the exclusive right to prepare him for tonight as the family’s “ritual master”.

“That’s just some bullshit he made up to feel special.” Baby insisted with a roll of her eyes. “Just want’s to feel important.”

Otis didn’t seem happy about that and started to argue about how he was chosen by Satan himself to lead them, how he was a prophet from the goat himself. Baby responded by laughing- laughing so hard that she’d nearly fell off the bed. This had, in turn, caused Otis to get angry all over again. James watched helplessly as the two reset this cycle over and over again. After what seemed like ages they’d finally settled; Otis splurted a dab of face paint onto a napkin. The entire room jumped as the door was thrown open and RJ loomed at the entrance.

“Give him to me.” RJ grunted. Otis and Baby looked skeptical.

“Why?” Otis shot from the bed, moving in front of James almost protectively. Baby glared at her older brother and grabbed ahold of James’s arm.

“Cause’ I said so.” RJ said simply. He made his way to the bed and practically ripped James out of their grasp. Otis and Baby gasped- and didn’t let go of James until she was shook off by Rufus. With a grunt, RJ hoisted James over his shoulder and started his way out of the room. 

“So.” James started, hoping his voice wasn’t muffled too much. His face was pressed right into RJ’s shoulder blades, the flannel scratching against his face. “Can you not hold me like this or-”

“Hang on.” RJ started to move. James yelped as he felt himself get jerked back, kicking wildly as his perspective changed. “Hang on!” RJ said again, shifting him in his arms as he cradled him. By the time he’d settled, James was nestled against his chest in a sort of bridal style-carry. All James could see was Rufus’s shit eating smirk.

“That better?” RJ asked innocently. James said nothing. With a shake of his head Rj started the short distance left to his door. 

“I meant don’t hold me at all, you fucking caveman.” James shot as the door to RJ’s room was shoved open. RJ paused in the doorway, glancing back down with a shrug.

“I mean… Can drop you if you want.” He offered. James looked unamused. RJ’s free hand brushed the stray hairs away from James’s face. He poked his forehead and cringed. “You know, with that little bit he got on your face you kinda look like a clown right now.” 

“It would’ve looked better if you let him finish.” James shot as RJ ducked slightly, shoving his way into his room. James realized he’d never actually been in here yet; the walls were painted with a barrage of color. It seemed like they’d used whatever they had on hand- red, yellow, pink, green, orange, splotches of black filling in where they needed. To make up for this, he’d covered the walls in an array of posters. Cars, old exploitation movies, some pin ups from Playboy that seemed tacky, and more cars. His bed was huge- a sort of necessity, James assumed- and messy. The comforter was almost completely on the floor and the pillows were scattered all over the place. 

“This place is trashed.” James cringed as he noticed the sheets over his mattress had come undone, showing the bare mattress. He looked to his right and saw the closet was practically overflowing. Flannels of all colors were stuffed hastily onto the shelves, spilling out onto the floor in a big heap. As he took it all in, he could hear RJ snort above him.

“What? Just a little messy’s all.”

“You live in a fucking dumpster.” James almost shivered at the sheer sight of how disorganized this place was. “Can you just set me down somewhere?”

“Got it.” RJ lumbered his way to the bed and tossed him lazily onto it. James landed with a loud thud and a scream.

“OW!” He hissed, glaring at the looming figure above him. 

“You wanted down!” RJ insisted, “So I put you down! What more do you want from me?”

“For you to not act like a damn jackass! Why am I even here?” James screeched. He kicked his legs awkward as he tried to sit up- like a turtle who’d got stuck on its back.

“Cause’ I had your costume still.” RJ said simply. “Wanted to help you get ready an’ all. That so bad?” James continued to glare him down. RJ seemed to be enjoying this; his smile had never faltered. 

“You couldn’t just give it to Baby?”

  
  


“Nope. She woulda lost it.” With that, he let himself crash onto the bed next to James; everything around him shook. The sudden addition of his weight caused the frame under them to creak, and James practically scrambled to the corner away from him.

“So where is it then?” James asked through clenched teeth. RJ had scooted back towards him, boxing him in between the side of his torso and the wall.

“The costume?” RJ asked absent-mindedly, flicking through the channels in a super casual way that made James fume.

“Yes the costume!” James exclaimed. “What else would I be asking about?” RJ was quiet as he tried to find something to watch, glancing back towards James once or twice as he took note of his expression.

“Ah… Well… It’s somewhere in here…” He trailed off, motioning towards the hoard around him lazily. “Fuck, ain’t nothin’ good on TV today.”

“We have to get ready, you lughead!” James exclaimed. “Start looking for it! Fuck, what time is it even right now?”

“Uh… I think almost five?”

“We’re running out of time, then- wait.” James paused mid sentence. RJ immediately stopped what he was doing and turned towards him.

“What’s wrong?”.

“What day is it?” James asked. RJ looked confused, like it should’ve been obvious or something.

“Uh- Monday?” He answered. James muttered something to himself. “Why?”

RJ got no response; James did math in his head. He counted on his fingers, muttering something under his breath as RJ watched on with concern. Finally, after what seemed like ages, James looked alert;

“Turn it to CBS.” He demanded. RJ hesitated. James huffed, smacking the side of the man beside him to punctuate himself. “RUFUS. CBS.”

“Fuck, OK!” He exclaimed, mashing the remote buttons with his meaty fingers as he tried to get to the station. “Fuck’s the big deal anyway?”

“Just hurry!” James hissed, “The theme song could be done any second no-” He didn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he let out a scream as the TV settled on CBS, throwing the room into a bright, blinding barrage of color as….

“The fucking Muppet Show?” RJ asked in disbelief. James shushed him, sending him an absolutely wicked look before his head swiveled back to the set in front of them, just in time for Kermit to make his way to the stage and announced the guest star; Steve Martin. James gasped.

“Fuck! They got Steve Martin on this shit?” He exclaimed. “I mean I read somewhere he was gonna be on it but I didn’t think they’d actually do it! Man, I wish I still got the newsletter-”

“-There’s a newsletter-” 

“-Yeah!” James rambled, smile so wide you would’ve thought it was christmas. “I convinced dad to let me get it a few years back, got updates and pins and one time Scooter even read a letter I sent in-” James stopped suddenly. The mad gleam in his eyes that he had as he’d described everything faded, and with a low rumbling noise he cleared his throat. RJ watched, confused, as James settled himself back into the corner and focused entirely on the screen in front of them.

“I- I, uh- got carried away.” He said simply. “You can change it if you wanna. I didn’t mean to act like an idiot there.” RJ regarded him; watching as he’d basically folded into himself, almost hiding his face in his knees as he compressed on the bed.

“No- no, this is fine.” RJ replied, putting a hand on his legs reassuringly. “Mama was always a big fan of Rowlf when he was on Jimmy Dean. I grew up likin’ em and stuff too. Go ahead.” He motioned towards the screen. James hesitated.

“If you’re worried about gettin’ ready.. We can do that after this is done. We got time.” RJ assured. “You’re fine.” More silence. 

“....I just don’t wanna annoy you.” James mumbled under his breath. RJ looked confused; he leaned back against the pillows at the head of the bed, right next to where James was contorting himself into a ball.

“How would I get bored? I just dragged you outta your room to get some alone time.” James’s head bobbed up as he’d admitted that. RJ relaxed himself and laid down completely, propping his head up with his hands as he looked him over. “I wanna hear you talk about scooper-”

“Scooter.” James corrected seriously. 

“Yeah.” RJ nodded. With a quick wave he motioned towards the screen. “Tell me more about em’.”

And James did. The episode practically flew past; James was an avid fan of the Muppets, something he was proud of. He’d talked almost nonstop, filling RJ in on every character, every bit of lore he could. He’d gone over the performers, how they filmed everything in London and syndicated it here. By the time the credits rolled he was red in the face.

“Could you imagine it? Going in and seeing them do this as they’re taping an episode?.” James said enthralled. RJ nodded, smiling as James seemed to stare off at the screen in a dreamy sort of haze. When his attention finally returned to the bed, he blinked; he’d managed to get much closer to Rufus in the time he’d been raving. He was practically leaning on top of him. He considered everything for a moment, glancing around at his surroundings, then back up to the lazy smirk RJ wore. 

Fuck it.

He let himself plop his head square onto RJ’s chest. This seemed to be what RJ was waiting on; his arm immediately scooped around him, bringing him in closer as the next show’s intro blasted through the room. He didn’t know what the fuck it was, and neither did he care. James let himself nestle right up against his ribs as RJ’s fingers combed through his hair, picking strands out and running them through his fingers-

A loud thud made both of them jump. RJ’s head swiveled towards it with a scowl, body tensing as he got into a sort of protective stance in front of James.

“RUFUSSSS!” Baby hollered, shoving the door open. “Mama wants us to go out and get the liquor for tonight! Did you finish gettin’ James ready?” RJ was silent as he relaxed, dropping back to the bed with a thunk. “Well?” Baby asked, twisting a strand of hair in her hands.

“Got carried away.” He offered with a grunt. Baby huffed.

“Well where the fuck is he then?” She demanded with a stomp of her foot. Rufus bristled in agitation- this wasn’t going to end well. Deciding to avert another sibling brawl, James slowly started to prop himself up from his position. When Baby noticed him she absolutely  _ lost  _ it.

“You- y- and-” She couldn’t even finish. She let out a shriek, jumping in place as she clapped her hands. “YOU TWO-”

“-We were watching the Muppet Show.” James stressed. Baby raced towards the bed, launching herself onto it with a plop and landing on her stomach. She kicked her legs out from behind her innocently- a rough contrast to the outfit she had on. Her halter top tied around her neck, showing off her long curls against her bare back. Her ass, James noticed suddenly, was almost completely out. Her jeans had been cut to slivers, displaying a trashy amount of skin for all to see.

And James  _ loved  _ it.

“Riiiight… The Muppets!” Baby finally offered with a laugh. She looked at the two of them and smirked- RJ looked as if he wanted to die. “Sure! But for real- Mama want’s you to drive me down to Pussy Liquors so we can go and get our stuff for tonight! And James…” She trailed off, twisting on the bed and tugging on RJ’s arm. “Get ready! There’s gonna be time for foolin’ tomorrow after this is all done!”

RJ finally relented, rolling off the bed as Baby waited restlessly in the doorway. As he worked himself into another flannel he stopped suddenly.

“Wait- costume’s in the closet.” He jerked his head to the overflowing nook in the corner. James shook his head in disbelief.

“I thought you said you didn’t-”

“Lied.” RJ interrupted with a shrug. James barely had time to look angry before Baby shoved him out the door; as he turned to leave, James could see his stupid smirk on his stupid face.

“We’ll be back later!” Baby called as she slammed the door behind them. James turned and looked to the closet; sure enough, the costume sat in it’s plastic, neat and tidy on top of the mound of flannel and other clothes RJ had stacked up. That absolute  _ fucker _ .

It took him only a few minutes to change. James couldn’t help but linger awkwardly in the room after he was done; would it be acceptable to go downstairs? He knew the family didn’t mind him now- hell, they seemed to be throwing him some kind of party to “welcome” him into the fold. It was more like a feeling of being displaced. Everyone else had their jobs, what they needed to do with the preparations for the “ritual” tonight, but where did he fit in? What did he do? Slowly, he worked himself over to the door and turned the knob with a click and made his way out into the hall. He looked at the walls around him- everything was decorated with such dedication he couldn’t believe it. Paper ghosts hung lazily from the walls. Black and orange garland made from construction paper lined the handrails of the stairs. He’d never seen anyone get this festive around Halloween of all things. As he got to the bottom of the stairs he could see string lights hung around the living room like garland-

“-JAMES!” Mama shouted from the couch. She almost ran towards him, waddling as quickly as she could and embracing him in a tight hug. “Ohhh James- You look so good in that fancy lil’ costume! All store bought an’ pretty-”

“Cowboy? A fuckin’ cowboy?” Another voice shot from behind her. Mama pulled back and threw a glare- the best she could with her eye swollen shut at least- towards the couch, where Spaulding sat in full makeup.

“You be nice!” She shouted angrily. “His first fuckin’ halloween with us and you try and be rude?”

He’d tried to argue. Mama responded by smacking the side of his head. James watched him wince and grab for it as she wailed on him, moving back only when she felt like he’d got the message. The old clown had then given him an apology under the watchful eye of Mama. James was worried he’d have to sit in this awkward silence all night, but luckily it’d only taken a little longer for Baby and RJ to get home. The minute they’d stepped through the door, the entire house erupted. Tiny and Otis came from the basement- Tiny in a costume of his own, and Otis with smears of facepaint caked awkwardly over his face. The only thing he’d done is rip a can of beer off the six pack before retreating back down to the basement.

“He’s preparing somethin’.” Mama offered ominously. James hadn’t even been able to question what that meant before Mama shoved a can of his own into his hands.

“I don’t really drink-” James tried to explain, but Mama wasn’t having any of it.

“-You do tonight!” She exclaimed. “Can’t get ready for all this fun if you’re sober!” She watched him like a hawk until he took a sip from the can. James, as nervous as he was, assumed it’d be a good idea to listen to her.

Six cans in he realized this might have been a mistake. James felt like his head was swimming; the rest of the family chugged whatever they could and didn’t seem to break a sweat. Mama had seemed a little tipsy- Spaulding carried her around the room after the first hour had passed, letting her hang off him so she didn’t fall completely. Baby was a loud drunk, screaming along to whatever music was blasting on the radio. Even RJ- who, James noticed in his haze, had changed outfits sometime in the last hour or so- was enjoying himself.. 

“You good?” He asked, putting a hand on James' shoulder as he wobbled around the room aimlessly. James shook his head yes. “You don’t look good.” RJ said with a look of disapproval. He sat his drink down and reached over towards James. “Here-”

“-No!” James hooted, swatting at him drunkenly. “I can walk fine.”

“No you can’t.” RJ argued with a laugh, hefting him up by the armpits. He held him out from his body like a kid who’d found a frog. “You kept limpin’ around like an idiot.”

“Tha’s just how I walk now.” James growled. RJ laughed and brought him in again, carrying him like he had earlier on the trip to his room. With a shimmy RJ freed one of his hands and snatched the bottle James was nursing away. He let out a shocked grunt and reached for it.

“Fucker!” James hissed.

“You’ve had too much.” RJ snorted, watching him struggle in his arms. “Want you to be conscious when it’s time to start everything.”

“R...J? Rufus!” Mama hollered from the kitchen. “Wouldja just lookit the two of you? He’s carryin’ him round’ like its their weddin’ night!” 

“I wanna divorce.” James slurred. The gathered family members laughed. He watched as RJ even cracked a smile before a loud thunk drove everyone’s attention towards the basement’s door.

“Oh hell! Otis is done!” Mama hollered, slapping the wall in excitement. “Tiny, go down there and help your brother get him up here!” Tiny made his way down to help, and after only a minute or so he reappeared. A long metal chain was in his hands; he tugged on it as he got to the main floor, sending something lurching forth and onto the carpet with a thud. Marcus. James barely had time to register his presence before Otis dramatically loomed at mouth of the steps. His face was painted white with black around the eyes and mouth as accents-

“-Like a skull..!” James exclaimed after a full minute of analyzing.

“It take a second to click?” RJ asked with a smirk. James shot him a dirty look before Otis called for everyone’s attention.

“Alright!” Otis started, motioning for Tiny to pause his walking. Marcus flailed against his restraints; his face was an odd color of purple as he struggled for breath. James guessed that they’d dragged him by chain for most of their walk up here. He’d probably damn near been suffocated by this point.

_ Good _ . 

“Tonight is a special night!” Otis started, looking out at the near crowd of his family gathered in front of him. “Even as far as halloween goes; we don’t really bring new people into the fold that often. When we do, it’s usually a special occasion. Somethin’s gotta set them apart from the rest, somethin’ that makes them tough enough to last through our family’s odd traditions an-”

“GET ON WITH IT OTIS!” Baby screeched drunkenly from behind them. “I WANNA GET TO THE GOOD STUFF!”

“I’m GETTING THERE Baby!” Otis shouted back, his painted face a scowl as he glared at his sister from across the room. Eventually he huffed, clearing his throat before starting again. “AS I WAS SAYING… It’s RARE that we induct a new member into the fold. And tonight, with this sacrifice-” He motioned Tiny forward. The chain clanked as he lumbered towards the front door, dragging Marcus behind him like he was dead weight. “We’re going to do just that!”

The family cheered. Marcus tried to object, say something- but the chain digging into his windpipe quickly shot that idea in the foot. As he’d passed by James, he noticed that he’d had a whole slew of bruises and cuts that hadn’t been there the night before.

“Is there anything you want to say before we start our walk, James?” Otis asked suddenly, motioning for Tiny to stop before he went onto the porch. Every eye in the house shifted to him- as he was still being held in RJ’s arms like an oversized lapdog. Suddenly, he felt stone cold sober. 

“I-” He stuttered, watching as Otis made his way to the heaving figure slumped in the entryway. He gave Marcus a quick kick right to the ribs, sending him into a frenzy.

“GET ME OUT OF THIS YOU BUNCH OF HICK FUCKS- SO HELP ME GOD I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU ALL-” He hollered, thrashing around in the chains like a mad man. James squirmed his way out of RJ’s arms and landed on his feet with much more grace than he’d expected. His coordination didn’t waver as he made his way towards them, squatting down to be eye level with Marcus before winding his arm back. In a fluid motion he landed a punch right on his cheek- in the shadow of where he’d beat him the night before..

“Shut the fuck up.” James growled. The room exploded in a wave of cheers. Otis patted James on the back before yanking the chain upward, forcing Marcus to his feet before shoving him towards the door.

“Let’s begin.” 

The entire family got the message- they started to file out, crossing onto the porch and beginning a trek through the overgrown yard. 

“James.” Marcus’s voice was hoarse, pleading as they neared some looming  _ thing  _ in the middle of the field. A graveyard was to their right- the sight of which made Marcus twist pathetically. “James, PLEASE. You aren’t like them- you aren’t a killer! You’re just lost… There’s time left for you to get better. You can heal-”

“Thought I told you to shut up.” James hissed. With a low noise from his throat he hocked a wad of spit towards him. Marcus scowled as the blob landed square on his forehead. The group kept walking, ignoring the pitiful whining coming from their shackled guest as they made their way towards the large, jutting piece of wood that was sticking out from the rest of the scenery. With a jolt, James realized what exactly it was they were walking towards.

A pyre.

“Now, I know we usually just drop em’ in the pit.” Otis started as Tiny and RJ took hold of the chain. The two brothers led him onto the wood and began to tie him down. “But I figured this year’s specimen deserved a special treatment after last night’s little show.” The gathered mob muttered in agreement. “And as such, we’re gonna toast this little fucker before we send him down.”

Another round of excited muttering. James watched the two finish tying Marcus down, leaving him exposed as they made their way back to the grass below. Otis grabbed a bucket- one of the many gathered around the pyre, and threw it over the twitching body. Marcus sputtered, hacking as some of it landed in his mouth.

“The fuck is this?” 

“It’s gasoline, boy!” Otis laughed, watching as the reality of the situation dawned on Marcus’s face. “The fuck you think we’re gonna burn you with? Water?” With a flick of his lighter he lit a torch, illuminating the ground around them in an orange glow. 

“James.” Otis called with a wave of his hand. “Come up here.”

James felt his body go rigid. As he moved, he felt almost robotic. Each step felt like someone else's, like someone puppeteering his body for him. As he took the steps up to the podium Otis was standing on, he could’ve sworn his feet never even touched the wood.

“You get to be the one to light it.” Otis’s voice was almost gentle as he handed him the torch. He had to work James’s hands open manually to give him the torch. James blinked; the fire was so close, so bright. There was only so much of his daze he could blame on the alcohol. He knew that some of this was tied to the situation at hand; before him was a man waiting to burn. A man that had hounded him for months, trying to drag him back to a life he knew he couldn’t live. A life that wasn’t a  _ life,  _ but a mere existence. To be seen, not heard. To linger but never engage. To like, but not love. But did he deserve to die for that? 

In contrast, below him stood the family that had, merely a month ago, tried to kill him. They’d relented only by sheer chance; Otis seeing something in him and sparing him the fate of the countless other travelers they’d butchered for petty reasons. They were finicky- volatile, ever shifting in behavior. They reminded James of the weather back home; One minute fine, then the next a raging tornado leaving destruction and bodies in their wake. The family was the exact opposite of the life he’d tried to drag him back to- including how they treated him. Not once in the month he’d been here had they ever made him feel like a burden for his condition. Not once had they made him feel like a monster, a freak- if anything, they  _ encouraged  _ his abnormalities. Celebrated them even. 

It wasn’t even a choice. It  _ never  _ was a choice.   
  


James felt every muscle in his arm working as he tossed the torch towards the foot of the pyre. This was on purpose- he wanted it to catch at the bottom and work its way up. He wanted the smoke to blind Marcus, to fill his lungs with a cloud of black that choked him from the inside out. He wanted the screams that were filling the air around them to die in his throat. And they did. The fucker only lasted about a minute before he’d lapsed into a coughing fit, wheezing and sputtering as the fire warped his skin. After another minute or so Otis raised a hand; Tiny and RJ moved forward, each with a bucket in hand. The fire wasn’t dying that easy; it had taken almost all the buckets they’d brought in order to finally put it out. By the time the smoke had cleared, Marcus looked like a blistering, charred mess. 

“P- please…” He rasped, a hand twitching at his side. His skin had bubbled, raw patches poking through the dead skin in a sickly mess. The clearing smelt like burnt hair. “I- I just wanna go home-”

“You’re about to.” Otis reassured sadistically. A glimmer of hope glistened in Marcus’s eyes. “Grab him and bring him over to the pit.” The glimmer turned to tears. Marcus struggled weakly against Tiny as he dragged him by the collar over towards the looming tower behind them. 

“What’s that?” James asked Baby as the group moved in.

“The thing we use to give these assholes to Satan.” Baby whispered. “Look- see how they’re strappin’ him to that thing?” Baby pointed towards the opening of a pit. A platform had been built at the mouth, and at it’s center hung an open casket. “We put em’ that and send them down to the tunnels.”

“And they don’t escape?” James asked. Baby shook her head.

“Never heard of anyone who does.” She said with a shrug. “Satan always get’s em’ first!” 

Tiny had thrown Marcus’s flailing body into the box with a thud. He worked the chain through some restraints already in the box before giving a satisfied nod. As Tiny backed away, Mama stepped forward. Her expression was cold as she loomed above him. Her hand swung at him, landing a resonating slap against his check that caused him to cry out in pain yet again.

“Fucker. Die like the little bitch you are.” She spat. With a loud clang Mama shut the lid over the casket as he wailed in protest. “LOWER EM’.” 

Tiny lurched as he started to turn a crank. Marcus’s shaking casket started to lower into the ground, wobbling as the pulley worked slowly. The family watched as it sunk deeper and deeper before finally reaching the bottom with a clang. They waited; each second passed with baited breath until finally they heard a scream. A new sound, something feral, something  _ rabid _ sounding followed after. It sounded frantic, like something James had never heard before in his life. Like something from hell itself. Slowly, Marcus’s screams started to fade; whatever was attacking him was dragging him off to god knows where.

“It’s done!” Otis yelled to the crowd. The family erupted into cheers; in a rush, they gathered around James in a frenzy. He was passed between people- a dizzying blur of hugs and congratulations as everyone stopped to tell him how good of a job he’d done. He’d finally been shoved towards RJ, who grabbed James by the shoulders and steadied him.

“Now what?” James asked. 

“We fuckin’ party!” Spaulding exclaimed. “Only fuckin’ reason I even bothered to show up this year!” The group started walking back towards the house; roughly halfway into the walk, however, James felt himself being steered out of the way by Rufus. 

“What are we doing?” He asked as RJ started led him.

“You’ll see.” He grunted. Another minute passed before they reached it; an old, rusted out clunker ditched beside an old barn. Before James could question him further RJ shoved him inside the passenger seat. RJ plopped behind the wheel and shoved the keys into the ignition. Much to James’s shock, the engine turned and the old beater hummed to life.

“What-” James couldn’t finish. RJ slammed down on the gas and whipped out of the patch of dirt the car had been sitting on. They went gunning across the grass, weaving in between trees like they were on a driving course.

“RUFUS-” James shrieked as they hit a hill of dirt. The car went into the air before landing with a loud squelch, almost sending James through the windshield.

“Put your fuckin’ seat belt on.” RJ hissed, one hand reaching out to tuck him back into his seat and the other swiveling the wheel as far as it would go. The car lurched to the right, and stayed to the right. James felt his heart go into his stomach.

“ARE YOU DOING DONUTS-” 

“Yes!” RJ shouted, cutting him off as he changed direction. “Now put the fucking seatbelt on!” The car’s wheels squelched as they kicked up so much dirt it looked like a sandstorm outside their windows. It only took another minute or so of this to finally make the car wear out; they felt it lurch to the side as one of the tires popped with a jarring sound. RJ cursed under his breath.

“Fuck. Guess that’s it then.” He spat, yanking the keys out of the ignition as the car died. “Guess I shouldn’t be shocked- Ol’ fucker had his tires dry rotted.” The cab shifted as he made his way out. James lingered; he couldn’t feel his fucking legs.

“Have fun?” RJ asked as he pried the passenger side’s door open. James was silent- looking at RJ with wide eyes before lunging out of his seat and retching. 

“..That a yes?” James looked up at RJ with a blank, sickly expression. He sighed, grabbing him by the arm and hoisting him to his feet. “Just take it easy....” He sighed, starting the walk back up to the porch. After what felt like ages, they finally made it up to the steps and through the front door.

The rest of the family had gone absolutely feral. Mama was slumped over in a chair, muttering something to herself as Spaulding tried to argue about something nonsensical. Grandpa was shrieking like a monkey as he hacked at things with the sword he’d grabbed for his costume. James had assumed it’d been a fake until, with a loud roar, he swung it at a plastic skeleton and took it’s head clean off. Finally, Baby was hunched in the corner, doing shot after shot as Tiny clapped in encouragement.

“Well lookit who finally decided to show back up!” Otis hooted from the couch. His face paint was running, making him look like the world’s edgiest mime. “The night’s young, kids! Get some fuckin’ booze and have at it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was trying to crank this out a few days ago for houses anniversary but i went out into the woods again and got sidetracked cause i was like, walking around and shit and i baked a cobbler and me and some of my friends all ate it while we watched the sunset. it was really nice. no we werent social distancing i trust them with my life. anyways yeah heres one of the last chapters of this fic- theres gonna be at least one more to tie up any lose ends and or tease at the next one if i ever actually get around to writing it. i have a whole lotta thoughts on this fic, and like the house universe as a whole and i wanna continue writing it but also? ngl? i have bipolar this shits rough sometimes brother. anyways i hope you guys are enjoying the ride cause damn this took forever for me to write.


	15. were in the homestretch now kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes you have to be the bearer of bad news. by god, you arent paid enough.
> 
> HEY EDIT NOTE WAS FUCKING NOBODY GONNA TELL ME I FUCKED THE NAME UP HERE? YALL LET THIS JSUT SIT HERE FUCKED UP FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS? YALL FUCKING HEAR THAT ITS THE FUCKING CLOWN CAR COMING TO PICK MY DUMB ASS UP FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO PROOFREAD BASIC SHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is a pov shift- well get back to like, one more chapter with the family before this things done dont worry. i was on the fence for so long on what to do next (i have an outline for this entire shitshow the concern was whether or not i wanted to set the stage for the sequel or not). content warning for misgendering again. sorry this is so short i went on another walk and got lost in the woods and ate some cobbler and like, kind of had a moment and then i ended up back here like aaa beans how should i navigate this last part? do is et the sequel up? how gay do i make this? and then i went right back to the woods like immediately after because i have absolutely nothing else to do. anyways when i was there i was with a few friends and one of them got off this pier we were standing on that was made out of these floating box things and decided she wanted to step on this one stray strip of them. we told her this was dumb but she did it anyway and almost fell in the water and we all got scared bc we thot she was gonna like, die for a hot second there but we got her off it. it was crazy tho. we also found this pond and started skipping rocks and shit like this is how the amish lived. and i was content and whole for a split second in time, just enjoying the nice weather with my friends in nature after we had a nice picnic and watched the sun set over a huge lake. but then i got bored and was like damn i gotta go back and finish that stupid fag shit i wrote a couple days ago huh and well i booked my ass back to my house. thats why this chapter took a bit tho

Dear lord this wasn’t good. 

The receptionist shuffled the papers on his desk and looked towards the door in front of him. He needed to bite the bullet and go in- this news was important, absolutely vital to tell his boss. However why it had to fall to  _ him  _ of all people to break it to him was something Todd couldn’t quite understand. It was like the universe was playing a cruel, disgusting joke on him today.

“You’re the receptionist.” The blonde working at the counter to his right hissed under her breath. The entire floor had heard the phone call he’d just finished, and they were all silently observing this nightmare from their paperwork-stuffed desks. If he had to give Howard anything, the insufferable fucker knew how to keep his employees in line. “Go up there and tell the son of a bitch already Todd!”

“Gloria.” Todd rubbed at his temples with a sigh. He wasn’t paid nearly enough to deal with this shit, and he  _ really  _ wasn’t paid enough to deal with her petty ass on top of it. “He’s going to murder me the minute the door’s opened.”

“And? If you don’t tell him now then what? It’s his fuckin’-”

“-I know!” Todd spat, shoving his chair back and rising dramatically as he could on shaky legs. The outburst that he’d attempted to make intimidating just looked campy and stupid to every eye on him. “Here I go, then!”

By now, a small crowd of basically everyone on staff had gathered to spectate. Todd had never, in his entire five years of working out of this building, seen as many employees gathered at once.Everyone from sales to the floor team to the guys who helped bring in customers- everyone was here. The looks they gave as he made his way towards his boss’s office were a mix of morbid curiosity and genuine, honest to god pity. The door seemed like a stone boulder as he lingered outside it- the knob just a reach away, but so far at the same time. Slowly, his clammy hands grasped it and slowly turned-

“-Excuse me-” Todd started quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. The door wasn’t even opened all the way as he eased his weight against it. A look behind him showed Todd that everyone in attendance was unamused; they looked bored, almost. Like they wanted him to just get on with it and sign his death warrant. With the deepest sigh he could muster he finally willed himself to shove the door open a little too quickly to be seen as casual. “Hi- Mr. Howard sir-”

Howard slammed the pen he was writing with down onto his desk in a huff. Todd jumped on his spot, and almost ran out of the room entirely when his boss gave him an eye from his seat. Todd couldn’t help but shake a bit in place as the man glared a holeright through him.

“What?” His voice was rough. Interruption wasn’t something he liked; especially when he was in the middle of important business such as this. He watched as the worker- what was his name? Tad? Tom? Hell if he knew, he’s not the one who did payroll around here- shrunk back apprehensively. Howard got a kick out of the sour expression the kid wore; he looked like he regretted every single choice he’d made up until this point.  _ Good. _

“I- I just got word back from some law enforcement officers in-”

“Tell them to forward any inquiries to my lawyer.” Howard replied robotically. He didn’t even let the kid finish. Police interest wasn’t something he was new too- a hazard to his line of employment. He’d thought he’d trained most of his staff to regulate all these inquiries to the legal team he’d managed to piece together. Judging by the walking stick shaking in his doorway, however, this obviously wasn’t true. 

“Well? Go!” Howard commanded, waving his hand in dismissal. Todd winced- he hadn’t even been able to break the damn news yet and the old fucker was already in a damn mood.

“Sir, it’s- it’s not anything local.” He stuttered. This caught Howard’s attention. His boss dropped the stack of papers he was looking over and tilted his head in confusion. He’d done dealings outside of the state, sure, but he tried keeping it as local as possible. Much easier to avoid situations out of his control that way. 

“Sandusky? Mason? Jeffersonville?” Howard wracked his brain trying to think of all the markets he’d done business in over the past couple months. The receptionist just shook his head after every city he named off.

“It’s a department out of Texas- some place called Ruggsville?” 

“Where? Where the fuck-” Howard muttered something under his breath as he fished through a file he had stashed in a cabinent. Could someone have gone under him without his knowledge? “Well? The fuck did they want?” Howard demanded with a bang of his fist. Todd swallowed his nerves, hesitating as he chewed on the news he needed to deliver. Howard was having absolutely none of this.

“Out with it!” He all but roared.

“Your daughter. She was in an accident-” Todd’s words came out in a rush as his boss couldn’t do much more than balk. “They just pulled her out of a wreck. She’s- she’s gone, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise fuckers were getting a sequel. idk how frequently thatll update considering i have to juggle work/social life whenever that comes back but like, itll be here. 
> 
> that fucking beginning note was longer than this chapter i think oh my god


	16. happy weed day everybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James gets down to business in order to see the plan through and constructs an Intricate Ritual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAY RIGHTS. GAY FUCKING RIGHTS BABY LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Burning hair smelt like shit.

James had to break away from the group to retch; the smell was overwhelming from this close. The burning pile in front of them was sending every vile smell known to man his way; rotted, burning flesh, warped metal and plastic,  _ hair- _

The sound of his lunch hitting the grass was interspersed with the crackle of the fire. He’d been so excited when Spaulding had offered the molotov to him; Otis a shit eating grin on his face as he’d taken it. He’d written it off as excitement for him doing something illegal, but no. The fucker just wanted to watch him squirm.

“Damn boy’s face is as green as he is now!” Otis cackled from his spot in front of the wreckage. A sharp sound caught both his and Spaulding’s attention; both of them looked back towards the smoldering car. In an instant, they started to back away. As if on cue, the car erupted; the fireball shot into the sky, leaving the entire field around the wreck scorched. Trees were beginning to ignite, and some of the crops still left to waste had gone up too. If nobody had known they were there before, they did now.

“FUCK- grab your shit and get movin’!” Spaulding barked at Otis and James. James felt his body lurch as Otis dragged him towards the truck. He’d damn near been thrown into the backseat as Spaulding slammed the passenger door shut. RJ whipped his head around and took in the sight of a wheezing, sickly James almost puking onto his floorboard.

“He-”

“He’s fine!” Otis interrupted RJ before he could even finish. His hand beat on the back of RJ’s seat, bashing the headrest in an inpatient fury. “JUST DRIVE!” 

The plan Spaulding had laid out for them seemed extremely intimidating- to James, at least. The others had rolled with it like it was nothing, and to James, he supposed it  _ was  _ nothing. The first step was to find a corpse that matched the description the authorities had on file. It’s not like it was hard; the house had no shortage of bodies to pick from. As they’d begun to pick through the pile of corpses- the freshest they’d had on site, Otis had exclaimed with pride- Mama apologized.

“Why are you sorry?” James asked, tossing a forearm over his shoulder as he picked through the remains.

“It just seems so macabre to have you use a woman for this.” She sighed. James shook his head, grabbing a hunk of torso and shoving it aside to unearth the body beneath.

“Oh, this? It’s nothing.” James sighed. “We just gotta go with what they think they’re lookin’ for is all. I don’t take it personally.”

“I still feel bad..” Mama trailed off. She shook her head in disgust. “Just seems-”

“Oh, Tiny found a good one!” Baby exclaimed from the other end of the pit. “Look! Looks just like you if you was a female!” Baby was right; the resemblance was uncanny. She seemed to have wider curves, less muscle on her shoulders; but it would work. She didn’t even seem too decomposed; she was bloated, sure, but it looked remarkably preserved given the circumstances.

“Oh my Tiny…” Mama cooed, making her way to the other side of the pit and bringing her youngest son into a crushing bear hug. “He’s always had a way with the ladies.” 

After they had found the body it was time to remove the teeth.

“Why do we have to do this again?” James asked Baby while she was knuckle deep in the gaping mouth of the poor woman. With a cringe inducing pop she yanked an incisor out and plopped it into a small bowl next to her. James couldn’t help but notice the bits of gum and viscera that was stuck to the end of the tooth.

“Cause’,” She stopped to wipe some sweat from her brow, smearing a bit of the gunk on her forehead in the process. “They may try and identify this body with your dental records. And we wanna give em’ as little as possible to work with.”

“Dental records?” James asked. With a nod, Baby went in for another tooth. 

“Yeah, dunno how it works, but I  _ do _ know that if you yank em’, they can’t have nothin’ to go on.” She grunted with effort. James could hear the sickening sound of her working a molar back and forth to loosen the socket, a crunch like noise that made his head hurt. Suddenly her hold on the tool laxed and she dropped it to the ground with a clang. “FUCK! The lil’ bitch broke on me!” 

“Is that bad?” James asked as she slapped the corpse’s torso.

“Mean’s I can’t use it for the vanity I’ve been workin’ on!” Baby whined, stomping her foot. “I’m coverin’ the thing with teeth!”

“Teeth?” James asked. Baby nodded dismissively as if he’d asked a stupid question. “.....Can I see it?”

“After we’re done gettin’ this bitch’s mouth fixed up.” Baby grumbled. “Now shush! Don’t wanna fuck this up!”

It had taken hours, but they’d managed to get most of the teeth out. Baby had explained that they needed some left intact in order for it to look accidental. After their dirty work was done came the last step; gathering up bits of old clothing, ID, anything they could that would identify the corpse as James. Then, they just needed to throw everything into the back of his old clunker and boom. Done.

_ Literally _ boom; from their rearview they could see the car erupt again, shooting up another fireball into the late afternoon sky. The truck quickly veered off onto a sideroad and Rufus gunned it, going much more than whatever the speed limit was in an effort to get home. As they passed through the gates they could see Mama anxiously pacing on the porch with Tiny slumped on the bench beside her. The instant RJ put the truck in park she raced towards them, slapping the passenger door as Spaulding huffed in annoyance.

“How’d it go?” She asked. Mama genuinely looked like a nervous wreck; her hands were wringing as she practically pleaded for an answer. “I heard the boom from all the way out here-

“-Fine. It went just fine.” Spaulding grunted as he worked his way out of the cab. “Car went up. Pretty sure the cops are on their way now, if they ain’t already there.”

“Nobody saw you all?” Mama slurred in a rush. Another door popped open as Otis stepped out, making his way around the bed of the truck and to James’ door.

“Course not.” He rolled his eyes as he helped James out of the back. Mama cranned her neck over Otis as he opened the door.

“W- why’s he gotta be helped? Did he get hurt?” Mama exclaimed. Before anyone could respond she shoved her way past Otis and took James into her arms. “Oh you poor  _ thing!”  _ She cried, feeling his forehead with the back of her hand and wincing. “You look sicker than a dog! What did they make you do?”

“We didn’t do shit!” Spaulding exclaimed. Mama shot him a look and looked ready to rip him in half/

“The smell of everything made me sick’s all.” James groaned from the part of her neck he was smothered into. Mama’s attention shot back down to him, her expression losing its edge and softening again. “I should be fine, head’s just a little woozy-”

“-Then go up and rest!” Mama insisted, leading him towards the porch. “We can discuss what to do next later; you just go upstairs and rest. Rufus!” She barked, waving her eldest son over. “Get him up to a bed and keep an eye on em’.”

RJ was already on it; James could feel his hands press into his back as Rufus steered him into the house. He didn’t even feel like he was moving; RJ guided him up the stairs, stopping at the top as he looked down the hall to their right. He lingered, hesitating as if he was debating something internally- until another groan broke the silence. 

“Come on.” He led James left, taking him back down to the other side of the second floor. Towards  _ his  _ room. With a loud clang he kicked the door open, making his way towards the bed and helping James onto the mattress as gently as he could. His touch was delicate; like he was dealing with something made of glass instead of skin.

“I can sit down by myself, you know.” James winced as he tried to steady himself. If RJ heard him, he didn’t respond.

“I’m gonna get you some water.” RJ’s voice was low; not in a threat, but with a serious sort of edge James hadn’t heard in awhile. He made a noise in his throat to catch James’ attention. “Don’t want you leavin’ this bed until I’m back. You don’t look that good.” RJ’s expression was grim. His tone left nothing to be debated, and he turned towards the door before James even had a chance to try.

“-Wait-” James yelped as RJ crossed the threshold. He stopped mid-stride, jerking awkwardly to a stop as his attention swiveled back to James. “Bucket.” It was all he could get out before he put all his energy into not spewing all over the floor. RJ nodded and practically ran to get what he needed. It was only a minute or so when he stumbled back through the door with the bucket and a glass.

“I’ll get you some more in just a second.” He rasped, out of breath. He shoved the glass into James’ hand and put the bucked on the bed next to him. “Here- drink some and try and lie back. Get the bucket and use it if you gotta- I’m gonna go get you some rags-”

“Rags?” James asked, voice an echo as he spoke directly inside the bucket.

“Rags.” RJ repeated. “For your forehead.” James lifted his head from the insides of the pail only to have a large palm slap over his forehead. It wasn’t hard, but the sensation made him jump nonetheless. “You ain’t hot- that’s a good sign. But the rag will help calm you down and settle your stomach. I’ll be back again soon.” 

With that, he made another dash at the door. He was gone for longer this time; since James had the bucket, he figured he could afford to be gone for a little while longer. When he finally made his way back, James was in the middle of a retching fit. 

“Oh….” RJ’s voice trailed off as he took it in. As James’ head rose from the bucket pitifully, he could see just how many things he’d brought back for him. RJ let it all fall to the ground with a clatter as he worked to get everything set up; a box fan was propped on a stool and clicked to life with a buzz. The rags he’d insisted on getting were plopped onto a night table next to the bed for later. Various snacks, a bottle of pills- all were thrown onto the edge of the bed as James went back in. 

“Try and take these when you’re done.” RJ’s voice was soft, much softer than James had ever heard before. James blinked the tears from his eyes and sniffled as he watched RJ extend his palm towards him- inside were two chalky white pills. James took them without question, popping them in his mouth and swallowing quickly with a swig of water.

“Lay back.” RJ insisted. James complied, leaning back on a row of pillows as he watched RJ uncrumple the rags in his hands. Slowly, gently, he set each one over James’ forehead, taking care to brush the hair out of his face. His touch was gentle, moving around his ears and to his neck, stopping at his shoulders and working the tense muscle there. 

“Does this feel good?” RJ asked as James looked conflicted.

“I just don’t see what this has to do with gettin’ me to stop puking.” James could feel a lump in his throat.

“You’re stressed.” RJ said gently. “This’ll get you to calm down”

“It’s not.” James mumbled. In an instant, RJ’s hands were off him. He stared down at James with wide eyes; confused, but also concerned.

“I don’t understand-” He started, watching as James turned on his side and away from him and burrowed into the comforter.. RJ felt his heart sink into his stomach; had he gone too far?

  
  


“I- uh- I can… Leave. And go downstairs, if ya’ really want me too.” He started slowly, scooting back. James rolled back over to look at him from under the covers and he winced. “I didn’t mean to crowd you or nothin’- I can just go-”

“-This is your room.” James said bluntly. Rufus gave another shrug.

“There’s lots of rooms in this house. I- I can just go get another an-”

“-don’t leave.” James interrupted. He reached out to grab Rufus’ arm. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

“Then what do you want me to do?” RJ pleaded. “Cause’ you get all skittish with me one second then the next you’re coiled round me like a damn snake. It’s confusin’.” James sighed, watching as RJ panicked above him. He seemed so worked up; clammy, flustered, at a complete loss for what was going on. It made James feel horrible.

“I’m not….” he trailed off. What did he want? RJ was hooked on every word, waiting for him to say something, anything. “I’ve never had a guy who was interested in me like this.”

“Thought you was a homo?” RJ asked slowly. James nodded. “Then how haven’t you ever been with a guy before? You just a virgin? I wasn’t gonna try nothin’-”

“I am- I mean- like-” James sighed, trying to get his thoughts in order. There was  _ so  _ much to unpack here. “Whenever I’ve seen other guys in the past… They think I’m like some kinda kink.” RJ looked lost. James sucked in another breath to ready himself before continuing. “Like, they wanna fuck, but then when they’re done they wanna be mean and rude and treat me like some kinda toy. And I guess it’s just… kinda hard for me to open up and stuff.”

“I’d never do that.” RJ insisted. “Did you think I-”

“No! No, RJ, I didn’t.” James assured. “But it’s like- this happened so many times it makes me scared.” The room went quiet again as RJ’s shoulders tensed. His expression became unreadable. James felt his stomach drop; the room went quiet as RJ mulled over his thoughts.

“How many times that happen?” He asked finally. His tone was cold and he looked absolutely pissed. It was hard for James to look at; he turned his attention towards the window to their left. The sun was starting to go down, sending the clouds around it into a deep pink hue.

“I think… five or six. At least.” James felt dirty admitting this. He knew it wasn’t anything he’d done- just the idea that he was even  _ addressing  _ something like this seemed taboo.

“That- that’s just…” RJ growled. James finally risked a look behind him, only to be met with the sight of RJ’s jaw clenched so tight it looked ready to shatter. “-That’s fuckin’ bullshit.” He spat. “That you had to fuckin’ go through all that. Can’t even let me touch you without wantin’ to puke again cause’ of it.” RJ looked ready to punch a hole through a wall. “Shit…”

“It’s really not that bad.” James insisted. “I- I’m sorry if it upset you but-”

“-Ain’t upset about that.” RJ huffed. “I mean, not about you bein’ skittish. I’m mad cause’ of what happened. You don’t deserve that.” James didn’t know what to say; RJ leaned back on the bed again, scooting a little bit towards the edge so James had more space. 

“You don’t have to move back.” James mumbled. RJ’s face was still set in an angry glare. “I just need everything taken slow’s all. Here-” James paused, scooting back in towards the larger man. The rag on his forehead finally slipped off as he made his way towards his torso, wrapping his arms around his middle and resting his head right on RJ’s chest again. In an instant his agitation was gone; James could feel his shoulders relax as he breathed out.

“This ain’t freakin’ you out none?” RJ asked after a moment. James shook his head no. He felt fingers rub his scalp, moving across the surface and settling on his temples. “This ok?” He asked again. James didn’t respond- too busy taking in the sensation, and RJ stopped. It took another nod from James and before he resumed. “You’re startin’ to look better already.” RJ offered gently as he watched James almost melt into his side. He let out a soft, almost purring noise as RJ worked on his head.

“The sunset’s so pretty…” James moaned. Both of them set their attention towards the window. He wasn’t wrong; the sun had sunk even lower, the clouds turning a light lavender as the light died and the moon rose. “We didn’t have this back home.”

“You didn’t have sunsets?” James shook his head.

“No- we had those. I mean.. It didn’t look this vivid.” He motioned towards the window again. “Like.. Look at how deep that purple is. It’s amazing. My mom would always talk about stuff like this- she said I could never see anything like it up home. She was right.”

James’ face was lit up like a christmas tree. RJ had never seen someone so awestruck by a sunset; before he’d started talking, he thought it wasn’t anything too special. Nothing different from any other night. But now that he looked at it, it did look a little darker, a little bolder in the color.

“It is beautiful.” He finally agreed, watching James take it all in. The last rays of the sun finally faded and James shifted again, scooting back in towards RJ and plopping right down on his chest. Rufus inhaled, feeling an anxious lump in his throat as he thought about how to proceed.

“Hey.” His voice was awkward, almost breaking as he watched James intensely. With a slow, lazy twist of his head James stared up at him.

“Yeah?” 

“Can I try something?” There was a pause. James looked curious.

“What is it?” 

“Can you sit up for me?” James complied, shimming awkwardly and propping himself up by the arms. RJ scooted in closer, hovering maybe an inch or two away from his face. James didn’t look uncomfortable; he stared back at him eagerly. RJ went in, gently kissing the top of James’ forehead. He lingered for a moment before he pulled away, gasping a little as he stared at the man under him. James looked just as flustered as he did. RJ wanted  _ more- _ with another lean in he placed his forehead against his. He rested it there, nuzzling into James and taking him in. The way he smelled, the way his bare skin felt against his, the way he almost seemed to fall into his embrace like he’d been  _ waiting  _ for it. It all felt so surreal.

They both lingered against each other; forehead to forehead, mouth to mouth, cheek to cheek. Experimenting. Was it too far? No. Could they go further than this? What was the point in that? Was this not enough? Flesh on flesh, bodyheat- who could want more? Slowly, surely, they sank back to the bed; different than it was last time. RJ was practically holding James, his head in the crook of his neck. James could feel RJ’s stubble tickling his head, could smell the motor oil and grease, the smoke from earlier, the spark of electricity that sent the entire thing up. It was all so vivid. It was all so intense, so indulgent it felt like a crime. A  _ sin. _ Is this why it was so bad? Because it was almost too much for a single person to bare? The sensations were overwhelming; like breathing on your own for the first time. Neither of them knew how to act; so they didn’t. There was no need too. The only answer was to lay in silence; beholden to no one else but each other until finally they drifted off. 

It was still dark out when James woke. The moon was higher in the sky now- a look at a clock next to the TV showed it was a little past two. James knew he had unfinished business downstairs; Mama had mentioned something about ‘the next steps’. Rationally, he knew it would be best to get it out of the way; but leaving the bed was in itself a challenge. 

“I’ll be right back.” James whispered to the snoring figure besides him. With a peck on RJ’s cheek he slid out from under his arms, wriggling himself off the bed and onto the floor. He’d tiptoed as silently as he could manage to the door, slipping out without so much as a creek from the floorboards.

“James?” Mama asked as he made his way down the stairs. She set the cup she was nursing on the coffee table in front of her and all but ran to meet him. “How are you feeling?” Without even letting him answer, she put a hand to his forehead and winced. “Oh lord- you’re all clammy!”

“It’s just cause’ I was buried in RJ’s ribs.” James joked. The words left his mouth before he had time to really think about what he said- by the time he’d realized, it was too late.

“You were doin’ what?” She exclaimed with a clap of her hands. “Ohhh my- my baby had you all in his arms like-!” Mama couldn’t even finish before she lapsed back into an incomprehensible stream of happy squawking. Without missing a beat she took him by the arm and led him to the couch.

“Go on!” she insisted. James cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well- I mean, it really wasn’t a whole lot- we just kissed-”

“KISSIN’?” Mama screamed, ecstatic. “YOU TWO KISSED!”

“Gloria for  _ fuck’s  _ sake!” Spaulding shouted from the dining room. “It’s two-thirty in the damn mornin’!” Mama broke her attention away from James and shot a glare towards the next room. “Send him in here so we can start talkin’ about this stupid fuckin’ license shit.” With a huff she rose, taking James by the arm and leading him towards the long dining room table. Spaulding sat with his back to them, slowly turning to face the two as cigar smoke swirled around his face.

“Bout’ damn time!” Spaulding exhaled, sending a stream of smoke from his mouth. “Thought you fuckin’ died up there. I just went and got this finished- was thinkin’ it’d be fuckin’ worthless.”

“What is it?” James asked as he took a seat at the table. Spaulding motioned towards a plastic rectangle face down on the table between them. 

“See for yourself!” He spat. “Hurry up boy! Don’t have all fuckin’ night.”

James grabbed for it. The card was yellowish- some scribbles were on the back that he couldn’t make out. It felt smooth. As he turned it over he felt his heart stop.

“Had to use some of the information from your other one to fill in the blanks.” Spaulding grunted, taking a drag from the cigar in his hand. “But the number’s forged, of course. I had to guess on the weight- my  _ sincerest  _ apologies if I managed to fuck that up.” James didn’t even notice the passive dig; he was too busy staring at the center of the card.

Sex: M.

“You… You put me down as a guy?” He couldn’t help the amazement in his voice.

“That's what I was supposed to put, right?” Spaulding asked. “I mean fuck, if we gotta redo it-”

“No. No- It’s perfect!” James exclaimed, looking back from the card and to Spaulding repeatedly. He couldn’t believe it. “I- I don’t even think I could have ever done this legally.”

“Fuck legally.” Mama spat from behind. “Nothin’ good goin’ on with that bunch of high society pigs anyway. Why do they gotta say in what the hell you are? It affect taxes or somethin’?” She lit a cigarette and puffed. 

“You even put my name down as James?” He asked with a hitch in his voice. It was a stupid question; he knew that it was the only thing they could’ve, but seeing it in front of him made it so  _ real. _

“Sure did! Sorry about the last name- I know we didn’t really ask you, but even if this whole Rufus thing don’t work out I’d still like to think of you as family.” James didn’t realize what Mama was talking about at first. He’d been so caught up in the first name, the last wasn’t even something he’d registered. When he noticed it, it hit him like a truck. Firefly.

“It’s fine.” He said, blinking tears out of his eyes. He couldn’t think of what to say; he scanned the card over and over, hands shaking as he took everything in. It all looked so  _ real.  _ It  _ was _ real.

“Thank you guys. Thank you guys so much.” He stood and ran to Mama, throwing his arms around her. She hugged him tight, patting his back reassuringly and kissing the top of his head. 

“You’re fine, hun. You’re family now; of course we’d do this for you.” She cooed. “Now that they think you’re dead an’ all, it’ll all be a lot easier.” As he broke away from Mama, James eyed Spaulding standing opposite from them. Before he had time to object, James moved and did the same for him. Spaulding was a lot less receptive to physical affection; he could feel the older man stiffen and grunt something under his breath as they made contact. But his body relaxed, letting James hug his torso and even hugging him back with enough strength to prove that he actually cared.

“This is fuckin’ sappy.” Spaulding covered his feelings with a sneer. “You’re lucky I’m not in my work clothes, cause if you got anything smudged on my fuckin’ suit I’d paint this kitchen with your brain matt-”

“JOHN.” Mama barked. Spaulding rolled his eyes. 

“Aw shit- the kid knows I’m just givin’ him a hard time.” He slapped James’ shoulder as he pulled away. Spaulding had a smile on his face as he jabbed a finger into his chest overdramatically. “Now seriously; get your ass back to bed. It’s fuckin’ late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. this is the last big chapter of this assfire garbage dump of a fic. i have a tiny epilogue im posting tomorrow but after that thats it for this bad boy! i plan to write more in this universe- i think theres a lot of fun lore potential and ive been shopping ideas around with friends and i think i have a solid enough idea on how i want to proceed. i think focusing on the supernatural/satanic side of things would be cool because no one ever really gives that attention? i know in the movie its not featured a whole lot until the end but like... its neat. i kind of like the idea of it. but my thing is its not going to be updated nearly as quick as this one was- i was pumping out like a chapter a day for the first half of it? ya no thats not gonna continue lmaooo i have work ill have to get back to soon once this stupid virus shit is lifted. but itll get done! eventually!
> 
> i know its kind of corny but i genuinely do what feedback on this shit so if you guys liked the story just let me know and ill go from there xoxo pogs luvs


	17. Hey Faggot. Girl, You Have Done it Again, Constantly Lowering The Bar For The Entire Community. And Doing it Flawlessly. Id Say Im Surprised, But I Know Who You Are. Ive Seen It Up Close and Personal. Girl You Make Me So Sick, And I Hate You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue. Two men have an odd issue with their car after they stop at a roadside attraction they saw on a billboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY SORRY I HAD THIS DONE I JUST KINDA GOT BUSY- HERES THE LAST BIT OF THIS FIC. idk when im gonna start on the next one but it should be sometime relatively soon! it was so surreal finally ticking off that ? in the chapter box like ngl it kind of made me a little emotional? thats literally so fucking stupid but like i really REALLY enjoyed writing this fic and even tho im going to continue the lore/universe its in im just like.. kind of sad to see this one end. i have a rough idea on how i want to sequel to go and where itll take the characters but im just like... waa waa i love this stupid fic so much and i love writing these characters and i dont want it to end. but it has 2 because idk what else to write for this dumb thing so..... without further ado here we go.

“Well fuck me.” Greg spat, slamming the hood of the van in disgust. Over a hundred fucking degrees outside and the damn thing decided to die. Springtime in Texas seemed unrelenting- even though it was only early April it was sweltering.“The thing’s fuckin’ shot.”

“Shot? What do you mean it’s shot?” Artie asked from the back seat. He’d stayed in the back after he’d pulled into the parking lot of some podunk little gas station they’d seen the sign for a few miles back.

“I mean it’s fuckin’ shot!” Greg opened the driver’s door and rummaged through the glove compartment. “We gotta go inside and ask for help.” Artie looked primed to object until a crunching sound caught both of their attention. Both of them turned towards the lot; a distant figure was making his way towards them from behind the building. He waved at them, almost jogging as he hurried over to the downed van.

“Who the fuck is that?” Artie whispered to Greg, who only shrugged in response. The figure was dressed eccentrically; his jeans were faded, like they’d seen better days. Their condition was offset wildly by the boots he wore- shiny and black leather cowboy boots, almost looking like they were fresh out of the box. His belt had an odd sort of leather look to it, with a silver crescent moon buckle slapped over the front.

“Evenin’ fellas.” The man started. His beam of a smile gave off more heat than the sun overhead. Both of the men winced as they took it in, but the stranger seemed undetered. “Heard you had a lil’ bit of car trouble?”

“Yeah.” Artie was the first to respond- slowly- after a fair amount of silence. The stranger nodded, but before he could say anything else Greg cleared his throat.

“We’re about to go inside and ask for some help.” He said cooly. One of the oddest things about this stranger was the fact that they couldn’t see his face. They were hidden behind large, round black frames that completely obscured not only the eyes, but his eyebrows as well. His smile never faltered. 

“Well shit, you lookin’ for help that clown’s far from your best bet.” He laughed, like it was an inside joke that the two men had missed. “But I know someone that knows his cars. My buddy runs a tow business and I could give him a quick call- have you boys settled real quick.” 

Greg and Artie shared a nervous glance. 

“Are you… Close with this guy?” Artie ventured carefully. The stranger nodded enthusiastically. 

“Oh, yeah! You could say that!” He said with a smirk. Again, to the two stranded men it felt like they were missing something. The feeling made them upset- not that the stranger seemed to notice. “All I gotta do is just go up to that payphone and give him a call; shouldn’t take long all! You two just stay put over here, alright?” Before they even had a moment to object he was gone. The two men watched him run towards the tiny little cubby that housed the phone. They both noticed that the man’s pant’s had rips all down the sides and back, exposing skin… as well as fishnet?

“...You trust this?” Greg asked Artie, eyeing the scene skeptically. The way the man held himself at the booth sent alarm bells blaring through his mind. Artie just scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Oh lighten up Greg.” He joked. “Let him tow this clunker into town and fuck off after. What’s some weird little redneck fruit-hick gonna do against the two of us?” With an overdramatic flourish he bent a wrist and mimed gibberish in a poor imitation of the man at the booth. This sent Greg into hysterics; doubling over with laughter like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. 

“We got a gun on us- little fag doesn’t even look like he can fight!” Artie finished as Greg started to dab at his eyes. “We’re fine- besides, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“BOYS!” The stranger hollered from the alcove by the building. The men jerked back around and watched as he cupped his hands around his mouth. “He’s on his way! Should be here any time now!”

“That quick?” Greg shouted towards him as he started a jog back to the van. The stranger nodded his head quickly. Greg noticed that his right ear had a dangling piece of chain hanging from it’s lobe- a star charm was attached to the end.

“He’s a bit of a genius when it comes to fixing cars.” He gushed. His smile seemed to grow a little wider at that, and he clasped his hands together in enthusiasm.. “You guys’ll be good to go in no time. He’s just gonna hook y’all up and take you back home-”

“-home?” Artie asked. The stranger nodded.

“Yeah. He works outta his house, with the rest of his family and all. We’ll let you guys stay for the day until your car’s fixed up.” The two men exchanged concerned looks.

“You… Live there two?” Greg asked slowly. The man nodded.

“Yep. It’s big enough for a whole army at that house- got like ten rooms in all I think? Ah, wait; I forgot to introduce myself!” The stranger exclaimed. He shot his hand out for them to take. “My name’s James. James Firefly.”

“...Firefly…” Artie repeated. He sent a skeptical look towards Greg.

“Family name.” James waved dismissively. The two men seemed unconvinced.

“So… James…” Greg started slowly. “You’re taking us to a random house-”

“-With an auto shop attached.” James finished for them. His eyebrows raised up far enough for them to see them over his shades. He seemed almost frustrated as he tapped at the glass of the window nearest to him. “Look, fellas, might be my bias talking here, but trust me; all those vultures in town are gonna pick your wallet dry. My boy Rufus will get you settled in no time.” His smile was bigger than ever. Both of the men lingered on the way he’d said  _ my boy _ . There was a certain feeling to it, like an ever present tone of affection that seemed deeper than normal. Before either of them could press, the loud crunch of gravel once again caused both of them to be put on alert. 

“Oh, there he is now!” James waved his arms and jumped in front of the van. Before they knew it, a large truck whipped into the parking lot. It skidded on the loose rock, kicking up a dust cloud and making the two men wheeze.

“Fuck-” Greg hacked, blinking the debris out of his eyes as the dust began to settle. When he could see again, he almost thought he was hallucinating; a trick of the heat making him go nuts. Before him stood the looming, lumbering figure of a man that had to be well over six foot. The flannel he wore was ripped, smeared with grease and god knows what else. His hair was messy, draping over his face and covering his eyes- remarkably, he could still see his glare through them. 

“Fuck…” Artie mumbled in agreement.

“Rufus, these are the guys that need help.” James started, making his way towards the man and grabbing his arm with a smile. It didn’t seem like Rufus paid him any heed- his eyes were still trained on the two before him, lips pulled back into what was damn near a  _ snarl _ .

“Get in the back of the cab.” He growled. The two didn’t hesitate; like a shot out of a gun they were off, scrambling frantically towards the cab of the truck. With a loud thunk the doors slammed behind them. James looked carefully behind his shoulder just to make sure that they were inside all the way.

And then, he let his facade drop. It was almost painful; the way he had to force a smile just to get some dumb hapless fuck to go with him and RJ. It really made his cheeks hurt. 

“RJ…” James trailed off, reaching up to touch his check. Rufus didn’t say much in reply, but still moved into James’ touch nonetheless. “What’s the matter?” James hated seeing him like this; all stoic, silently seething with contempt. It looked so  _ unnatural  _ on him.

“The way they was lookin’ at you.” RJ huffed. James almost didn’t understand what he meant by this. Then, it registered; the looks they had been giving him the entire afternoon. The way they had eyed him as he walked to the booth to stage his call, thinking he was unable to notice.  _ Oh. _ “Makes me fuckin’ sick.” .Rufus spat, kicking up a clod of dirt with his work boots.

“Shit babe- it’s fine.” James assured. RJ looked at him warily- he knew he was lying. “I mean, it’s not  _ fine,  _ but we’ll get our chance to deal with them soon enough.”

“I’m gonna fight Otis for dibs.” Rufus grumbled, working the metal hook from the back of his truck onto the van. With a click it attached under the front end. “And I’m takin’ at least one of them. He can have whatever’s left after I’m done.”

“Jeez, hun- I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this into a job before.” James was genuinely surprised at his enthusiasm. RJ didn’t look away from his work but offered a grunt in response.

“I don’t like to. But they went and pissed me off and now it’s fuckin’ go time.” He punched the hood once for good measure before turning. He extended his hand for James to take- the palm outstretched, smeared in grease and grime, was surprisingly gentle looking. James took it without hesitation. “Come on. We gotta start gettin’ back now.”

“Wait- before we go in.” James tugged on RJ’s arm, causing his lumbering to stop. His head whipped back around to face James, who looked oddly self conscious. “Did I… Do good? With picking them out?”

RJ was silent. James worried he’d done a bad job and mentally cursed himself for his sloppy service- he  _ knew  _ he should have been better about cutting the line under their hood, but he didn’t have a lot of time to work with. Not everyone fell for Spaulding’s museum, and they seemed bored with it before they’d even got through the first minute-

“You did  _ great.” _ RJ broke the silence with a smirk. He leaned down a bit to peck a small kiss on James’ forehead, leaving him a blushing mess.. “Couldn’t have done much better myself.” With that, RJ grabbed his shoulder and started to steer him back towards the truck.

“Now come on. Mama’s got dinner started and wants this all to be done with by ten- somethin’ about a program she wants to watch or somethin’?”

“It’s that thing on CBS.” James said with a roll of his eyes. “She’s been obsessed with it for the last month. About tore Otis’ head off the other night when his little project got too loud and interrupted her. It was  _ hilarious.”  _ The two shared one last look before parting. With a click, they opened the doors to their respective sides of the cab. As the two got inside, their dispositions changed rapidly. RJ went back to being a quiet, stoic mountain while James forced that sickeningly sweet smile back onto his face. He turned to face the two men in the back of the truck and found both of them tense. They eyed James as if he was a rabid dog moving in for the kill- one of them had his hands on his pocket like he had a sort of weapon. James made a mental note of this before chuckling a little under his breath. It was so  _ funny,  _ the idea that they thought something could save them.

“Now you two just hold tight, alright?” James said between bits of laughter as the cab lurched forward. “We’re gonna get your car hooked up and it’ll just be a quick trip down the road after that. Nothin’ to worry about.”

“Well fuck me.” Greg spat, slamming the hood of the van in disgust. Over a hundred fucking degrees outside and the damn thing decided to die. Springtime in Texas seemed unrelenting- even though it was only early April it was sweltering.“The thing’s fuckin’ shot.”

“Shot? What do you mean it’s shot?” Artie asked from the back seat. He’d stayed in the back after he’d pulled into the parking lot of some podunk little gas station they’d seen the sign for a few miles back.

“I mean it’s fuckin’ shot!” Greg opened the driver’s door and rummaged through the glove compartment. “We gotta go inside and ask for help.” Artie looked primed to object until a crunching sound caught both of their attention. Both of them turned towards the lot; a distant figure was making his way towards them from behind the building. He waved at them, almost jogging as he hurried over to the downed van.

“Who the fuck is that?” Artie whispered to Greg, who only shrugged in response. The figure was dressed eccentrically; his jeans were faded, like they’d seen better days. Their condition was offset wildly by the boots he wore- shiny and black leather cowboy boots, almost looking like they were fresh out of the box. His belt had an odd sort of leather look to it, with a silver crescent moon buckle slapped over the front.

“Evenin’ fellas.” The man started. His beam of a smile gave off more heat than the sun overhead. Both of the men winced as they took it in, but the stranger seemed undetered. “Heard you had a lil’ bit of car trouble?”

“Yeah.” Artie was the first to respond- slowly- after a fair amount of silence. The stranger nodded, but before he could say anything else Greg cleared his throat.

“We’re about to go inside and ask for some help.” He said cooly. One of the oddest things about this stranger was the fact that they couldn’t see his face. They were hidden behind large, round black frames that completely obscured not only the eyes, but his eyebrows as well. His smile never faltered. 

“Well shit, you lookin’ for help that clown’s far from your best bet.” He laughed, like it was an inside joke that the two men had missed. “But I know someone that knows his cars. My buddy runs a tow business and I could give him a quick call- have you boys settled real quick.” 

Greg and Artie shared a nervous glance. 

“Are you… Close with this guy?” Artie ventured carefully. The stranger nodded enthusiastically. 

“Oh, yeah! You could say that!” He said with a smirk. Again, to the two stranded men it felt like they were missing something. The feeling made them upset- not that the stranger seemed to notice. “All I gotta do is just go up to that payphone and give him a call; shouldn’t take long all! You two just stay put over here, alright?” Before they even had a moment to object he was gone. The two men watched him run towards the tiny little cubby that housed the phone. They both noticed that the man’s pant’s had rips all down the sides and back, exposing skin… as well as fishnet?

“...You trust this?” Greg asked Artie, eyeing the scene skeptically. The way the man held himself at the booth sent alarm bells blaring through his mind. Artie just scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Oh lighten up Greg.” He joked. “Let him tow this clunker into town and fuck off after. What’s some weird little redneck fruit-hick gonna do against the two of us?” With an overdramatic flourish he bent a wrist and mimed gibberish in a poor imitation of the man at the booth. This sent Greg into hysterics; doubling over with laughter like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. 

“We got a gun on us- little fag doesn’t even look like he can fight!” Artie finished as Greg started to dab at his eyes. “We’re fine- besides, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“BOYS!” The stranger hollered from the alcove by the building. The men jerked back around and watched as he cupped his hands around his mouth. “He’s on his way! Should be here any time now!”

“That quick?” Greg shouted towards him as he started a jog back to the van. The stranger nodded his head quickly. Greg noticed that his right ear had a dangling piece of chain hanging from it’s lobe- a star charm was attached to the end.

“He’s a bit of a genius when it comes to fixing cars.” He gushed. His smile seemed to grow a little wider at that, and he clasped his hands together in enthusiasm.. “You guys’ll be good to go in no time. He’s just gonna hook y’all up and take you back home-”

“-home?” Artie asked. The stranger nodded.

“Yeah. He works outta his house, with the rest of his family and all. We’ll let you guys stay for the day until your car’s fixed up.” The two men exchanged concerned looks.

“You… Live there two?” Greg asked slowly. The man nodded.

“Yep. It’s big enough for a whole army at that house- got like ten rooms in all I think? Ah, wait; I forgot to introduce myself!” The stranger exclaimed. He shot his hand out for them to take. “My name’s James. James Firefly.”

“...Firefly…” Artie repeated. He sent a skeptical look towards Greg.

“Family name.” James waved dismissively. The two men seemed unconvinced.

“So… James…” Greg started slowly. “You’re taking us to a random house-”

“-With an auto shop attached.” James finished for them. His eyebrows raised up far enough for them to see them over his shades. He seemed almost frustrated as he tapped at the glass of the window nearest to him. “Look, fellas, might be my bias talking here, but trust me; all those vultures in town are gonna pick your wallet dry. My boy Rufus will get you settled in no time.” His smile was bigger than ever. Both of the men lingered on the way he’d said  _ my boy _ . There was a certain feeling to it, like an ever present tone of affection that seemed deeper than normal. Before either of them could press, the loud crunch of gravel once again caused both of them to be put on alert. 

“Oh, there he is now!” James waved his arms and jumped in front of the van. Before they knew it, a large truck whipped into the parking lot. It skidded on the loose rock, kicking up a dust cloud and making the two men wheeze.

“Fuck-” Greg hacked, blinking the debris out of his eyes as the dust began to settle. When he could see again, he almost thought he was hallucinating; a trick of the heat making him go nuts. Before him stood the looming, lumbering figure of a man that had to be well over six foot. The flannel he wore was ripped, smeared with grease and god knows what else. His hair was messy, draping over his face and covering his eyes- remarkably, he could still see his glare through them. 

“Fuck…” Artie mumbled in agreement.

“Rufus, these are the guys that need help.” James started, making his way towards the man and grabbing his arm with a smile. It didn’t seem like Rufus paid him any heed- his eyes were still trained on the two before him, lips pulled back into what was damn near a  _ snarl _ .

“Get in the back of the cab.” He growled. The two didn’t hesitate; like a shot out of a gun they were off, scrambling frantically towards the cab of the truck. With a loud thunk the doors slammed behind them. James looked carefully behind his shoulder just to make sure that they were inside all the way.

And then, he let his facade drop. It was almost painful; the way he had to force a smile just to get some dumb hapless fuck to go with him and RJ. It really made his cheeks hurt. 

“RJ…” James trailed off, reaching up to touch his check. Rufus didn’t say much in reply, but still moved into James’ touch nonetheless. “What’s the matter?” James hated seeing him like this; all stoic, silently seething with contempt. It looked so  _ unnatural  _ on him.

“The way they was lookin’ at you.” RJ huffed. James almost didn’t understand what he meant by this. Then, it registered; the looks they had been giving him the entire afternoon. The way they had eyed him as he walked to the booth to stage his call, thinking he was unable to notice.  _ Oh. _ “Makes me fuckin’ sick.” .Rufus spat, kicking up a clod of dirt with his work boots.

“Shit babe- it’s fine.” James assured. RJ looked at him warily- he knew he was lying. “I mean, it’s not  _ fine,  _ but we’ll get our chance to deal with them soon enough.”

“I’m gonna fight Otis for dibs.” Rufus grumbled, working the metal hook from the back of his truck onto the van. With a click it attached under the front end. “And I’m takin’ at least one of them. He can have whatever’s left after I’m done.”

“Jeez, hun- I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this into a job before.” James was genuinely surprised at his enthusiasm. RJ didn’t look away from his work but offered a grunt in response.

“I don’t like to. But they went and pissed me off and now it’s fuckin’ go time.” He punched the hood once for good measure before turning. He extended his hand for James to take- the palm outstretched, smeared in grease and grime, was surprisingly gentle looking. James took it without hesitation. “Come on. We gotta start gettin’ back now.”

“Wait- before we go in.” James tugged on RJ’s arm, causing his lumbering to stop. His head whipped back around to face James, who looked oddly self conscious. “Did I… Do good? With picking them out?”

RJ was silent. James worried he’d done a bad job and mentally cursed himself for his sloppy service- he  _ knew  _ he should have been better about cutting the line under their hood, but he didn’t have a lot of time to work with. Not everyone fell for Spaulding’s museum, and they seemed bored with it before they’d even got through the first minute-

“You did  _ great.” _ RJ broke the silence with a smile. He leaned down a bit to peck a small kiss on James’ forehead, leaving him a blushing mess.. “Couldn’t have done much better myself.” With that, RJ grabbed his shoulder and started to steer him back towards the truck.

“Now come on. Mama’s got dinner started and wants this all to be done with by ten- somethin’ about a program she wants to watch or somethin’?”

“It’s that thing on CBS.” James said with a roll of his eyes. “She’s been obsessed with it for the last month. About tore Otis’ head off the other night when his little project got too loud and interrupted her. It was  _ hilarious.”  _ The two shared one last look before parting. With a click, they opened the doors to their respective sides of the cab. As the two got inside, their dispositions changed rapidly. RJ went back to being a quiet, stoic mountain while James forced that sickeningly sweet smile back onto his face. He turned to face the two men in the back of the truck and found both of them tense. They eyed James as if he was a rabid dog moving in for the kill- one of them had his hands on his pocket like he had a sort of weapon. James made a mental note of this before chuckling a little under his breath. It was so  _ funny,  _ the idea that they thought something could save them.

“Now you two just hold tight, alright?” James said between bits of laughter as the cab lurched forward. “We’re gonna get your car hooked up and it’ll just be a quick trip down the road after that. Nothin’ to worry about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the general idea i had is that james kind of eases into the familys routine after a few months and takes a role similar to baby- seducing and or luring people to the familys house. when he brings men in there just kind of annoyed by him since he looks so eccentric (read:gay) and only really do it because he promises them a place 2 fix their cars. he doesnt really try and go after women so much (he thinks fucking around with men is more fun because of how cocky they get an just doesnt really like bothering women so much) but he'll do it if he has to. hes basically conditioned himself to be a part of this murder shitshow which is kind of weird when you think about it but like hey, its the 70s and no1 else will accept an openly gay and or trans person but them so like? who cares
> 
> the total amount of pages in the google doc for this fic topped at around 93 i think? which is nuts. i dont think ive ever wrote like that for anything ever in my life. so like.. thats neat. ive said this a few times but since this is the last note on this monster i wanna wrap it up with it; i know my writing is far from perfect, and maybe even "bad" in some areas, but i hope everyone whos read this has enjoyed the ride. i think i had like.. maybe a few interesting ideas and character takes that just didnt have character in the og movie and like.. i hope thats enough to make it worth it even over the mistakes/errors ive done? this was kind of a personal thing i undertook because im tired of like.. not seeing gay or trans people in horror (and horror fic/fan media etc) that arent just throwaway characters or people who get killed super early on. especially considering this movies sequels and how they treat lgb people (faggot is used 2 times in rejects, once and 3fh and //// is used once by baby in 3fh too) it just felt... really out of place for me in terms of their characters in the first one. like come on. look at otis and tell me hes not gay. like his entire Vibe in the first movie screams gay art student. i guess i just wanted to write something that seemed silly and fun and had actual gay/trans content and explored those themes in the context of a weird 70s slasher family that exists without the pressure of societal norms. like realistically speaking what use would it be for them to be homophobic or transphobic? otis' entire character is "fuck the system fuck society we need to break out of it" and what would better compliment that then the entire idea of transgenderism and breaking the gender conformity of mainstream heterosexuality like being gay does? im not saying hed be throwing the first brick at stonewall but hed probably be driving the down with cis bus at the VERY least.
> 
> and no, nobody can tell me rufus wouldnt be gay because he had a whole 3 minutes of screentime in this movie and not one second of it had him say "i exclusively like women and only women" so like! you cant say this isnt canon compliant! this movies lores so confusing nothing is canon compliant! its my own canon now! everyone is a homo!


End file.
